I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"My dog is a genius...
I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing."
"My wife says I'm too competitive.
I told her I already knew that."
"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
“The best years of a woman’s life…the 10 years between 39 and 40.”
“Grandpa, tell us about the days when you had to buy the whole album even if you only wanted one song.”
“The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget.”
“By the time you’re 90 years old, you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.”
"Don't think of it as turning 30.
Think of it as being old."
"If you are going to call the cops
every time you spot me in your bushes
I don't think this relationship is going to work."
I drive a 4x truck because I am a form believer that a car built to go 0 to 60 in 3 seconds should be driven that way, except for the cop hiding bushes :-) (of course the safety issue is a factor but, I would drive it like I stole it if I owned one)
Instead of my car saying stupid things like
"your door is ajar"
it should say helpful things like
"there's a cop hiding in the bushes".
"Wanted:
a tiny dragon to incinerate a***oles, sh***ty drivers, and dumb***sses."
"I'd like to unsubscribe
from my own thoughts."
"I'd like to unsubscribe
from my on thoughts."
“Yeah, I’m about ready for the weekend.”
—me, Monday at 7:14 am
“Looks like I’m thinking,
but really it’s allergies.”
Dad said, "No, just a bunch of bills."
The son asked, "Who's Bill?"
“Cats never listen. They’re dependable that way; when Rome burned, the emperor’s cats still expected to be fed on time.”
"I can't have kids,
my cat is allergic."
"It's not that I don't like you...
Oh wait, yes, yes it is."
"The window today.
That's enough social interaction."
"Man to a woman:
Forget the past, you can't change it.
Forget the present, I didn't get you one."
We are not all bad.
Just badly misinformed about how good we are.
"Let's face it,
I was crazy
before the cats."
"Keep calm
&
meow on."
Cat holding up a sign:
"Friends don't let friends get a DOG!"
List of things I'm handling well currently.
1.
“Fries or salad?”
Sums up every adult decision you have to make.
“I started the day with lots of problems.
But now, after hours and hours of work,
I have lots of problems in a spreadsheet.”