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😉 i found my new motto! :)

"I'm not late. I'm just early for tomorrow."
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🙂

"Excuse me, I know this is hell, but may I ask which floor?"
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🙂

"I came
I saw
I left early."
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❤️🙂

“Sometimes you just need to lie on the floor and do nothing for three years.”
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❤️🙂

“I’m like a kitten. I need attention and I need to curl up next to you and I need you to pet me and tell me I’m cute.”
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❤️🙂

“Nothing brightens up a room
like your absence.”
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❤️🙂

“These weekends are starting to feel like a thirty-minute lunch break.”
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❤️🙂

"Okay. So I danced like no one was watching.
My court date is pending."
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“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”
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Before I got married, my wife told me, "Don't talk about sex until we get married." We got married and she said, "Now, you can talk about it all you want."
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We sleep in separate rooms; we have dinner apart; we take separate vacations. We're doing everything to we can to keep our marriage together.
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I grew up in a mobile home, when I was a kid, I ran away from home, and it followed me.
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For years I've been getting a ringing in my ears. It's getting worse, now I'm getting busy signals - RD
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My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine..
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❤️🙂

"So awkward when you meet someone you've stalked
and don't know whether to play it cool
or ask whether they enjoyed Tahiti in 2011."
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Why was the horse so happy? Because he lived in a stable environment.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family… in another city!
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I have given up on my stand up comedy routines. Everybody just keeps laughing at me.
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My wife and I had no idea what happiness meant until we had kids. But by then, it was too late.
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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
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😉

“Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.”
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😉

“A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius.”
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😉

How to please a woman:
Love her
Die for her
Take her to dinner
Miss the game for her
Buy her jewelry
Be interested in what she has to say…

How to please a man:
Show up naked.
Bring beer.
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😉

One big difference between men and women

is that if a woman says, “Smell this!”, it actually smells NICE.
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Isthisreal. Lol, my 1973 station wagon was green , my boyfriend ( now DH ) called it the tank . I drove that thing all through college .

My DH is terrible at parallel parking. He uses valets or finds parking garages in cities .
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Way, I learned in a 1980s Lincoln Towne car, we called it the boat it was so big.

Glad I did, I can drive big rigs because of my driving trials in that monster of a car.

Your dad did right by you, we are operating lethal weapons after all, we should know where every part is.
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My Dad was the same way about knowing where the perimeters of your car were. Most people may bring orange cones along to practice parallel parking . My father was the cone !! He also put a quarter on the driveway and I had to park the tire on the quarter without hitting the garage door . And also did that in the garage without hitting the back wall. Forwards and reverse. He was crazy !! But I can park !!

I learned to drive in a long station wagon .
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When I took my driving test, nobody had thought to teach me how to parallel park, probably because they didn't know how, the instructor walked me through it and I smashed it, still use his advice to this day but, he very seriously asked me, "Young lady if you go downtown and there are no spaces to park besides parallel, what are you going to do?" Being 16, living in Vegas, I promptly responded, "I will valet! Duh!"

It is a great skill to have that translates into other abilities behind the wheel. (Parallel parking, not valet. :-) I am a firm believer that everyone should know where the perimeters of their vehicle are and parallel parking makes you know.
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My father thought parallel parking was the most important thing learning to drive . I don’t know why , I grew up in the suburbs. Anyway, I could probably parallel park a bus if I had to .
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Men are better than women… But how important is parallel parking anyway?
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