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The real reason many men don't live long after retiring

"Well, after just a week at home, I've come up with a comprehensive list on how to do things more efficiently around here, honey"
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"K."

Well, potassium to you too.
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🙂

"I'm 300% done with today
and like 68% done with tomorrow already."
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❤️🙂

"Going to bed (phrase):
Shutting down laptop and using your phone in bed."
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"Hungry (adjective):
Something that only happens after brushing your teeth."
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"At least it can't get any worse (phrase):
What you say to challenge the universe into making your day even more terrible than it already is."
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"Dry Clean Only (adjective):
This will never get washed. Ever."
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"Cupcake (noun):
A muffin with low self-esteem."
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"Junk (noun):
Something you keep for years and then throw away one week before you need it."
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"Procrastinate (verb):
What you are doing right now. Get going and finish what you need to do."
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"Morning (noun):
The time when the bed has more gravity."
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"Flashlight (noun):
A container for dead batteries."
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"Dentist (noun):
Similar to parents, but they criticize your teeth instead of your lifestyle."
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"Nothing messes up your Friday more
than realizing it's Tuesday."
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"Title of book:

How to Avoid Everything
--Irresponsibility Made Easy"
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🙂

"Your fear of looking stupid
is wasting too much time."
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😉

"It's not that I'm immature.
It's just that you started it."
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🙂

"What ended in 1945?
1944."
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🙂

"It's very rude to talk
when I am interrupting."
(1)
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🙂

"I'm not saying you're stupid.
I'm just saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Him:
Wow look at you trying to be romantic with all these candles.

Me:
First of all, I'm about to sacrifice you."

🙂
(2)
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🙂

"I moved past having a depressive episode.
I'm actually having a depressive series
haha
season 8 available now."
(1)
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😉

"I had a better social life when I was like 8 years old
than I do now."
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🙂

Wish list:
--Peace of mind.
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I went to the dentist. He said, "Say, 'Aaah.'"
I asked, "Why?"
He said, "My dog died."
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My mom always says "Keep your chin up"
That's how I ran into the door..
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I've finally got a car the turns heads. Mostly because of the knocking, rattling, and backfiring.
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@Mrsribit! Look what you started? :) This is not the joke btw! Mrsribit are you still on the forum?

This is the joke below:

I was forced to go to a positive-thinking seminar. I couldn't stand it. So I went outside to the parking lot and let half the air out of everyone's tires. As they came out I said, "So, are your tires half-full, or half-empty?"
(3)
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🙂🙂

"Remember when you thought this year was going to be better than last year?"
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❤️🙂

"What do we learn from
cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It's impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking."
(4)
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