I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"If I'm ever murdered,
feel comfort in knowing that
I ran my mouth until the bitter end."
"Look officer, I'm not being a wise guy.
All I'm saying is, if you caught me then you were speeding too."
"Happiness is
...doing nothing
and then resting afterwards."
"Everything in life should be done in moderation.
For example, when you buy a large cake, don't necessarily eat it in one sitting.
Rather, eat half, have a nap, then eat the other half..."
"I just want to let you know
that if you ever need to have a plant killed,
I'm the person for that job."
"That awkward moment between birth and death."
“I should get up.
…But I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong.”
"Temporarily closed for spiritual maintenance."
"Sometimes I feel like I have my life together
and then I'm like
wow
that was a really nice 45 seconds."
"You're incredibly mature for your age."
First of all, I'm traumatized.
Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, "See? This is why I chew the furniture."
"55 smiles per hour."
"I don't wanna
taco 'bout it."
"Well, That Didn't Work"
--an autobiography
"Note to self:
Double up on the happy pills for a week."
"I need a break from my own thoughts."
"My stress stresses me out
to the point that I'm too stressed to deal with the stress."
"Be patient with me, I'm somewhere between
losing my mind and finding my soul. 🦋"
"I'm naturally irritated when I first wake up.
You just have to give me a few days to adjust."
"I need one of those Kim Kardashian jobs
where they pay me to exist."
"Raise your hand if
you try to breathe quieter
while walking up a hill
so bystanders don't
hear you fighting for
your life."
"I had a date last night.
I really enjoyed it.
So tonight I'm going to
try a fig."
And now for my next trick
*waves hand*
I'll turn my stress and anxiety into body fat.
"You seem to be on your own path.
Unfortunately, there's a 'socio' in front of it."
"Having thick thighs means
you can hold more puppies on your lap,
so who's the real winner here?"
"That depressing moment when
you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off,
and you wonder why bad things happen to good people."
"HR:
Did you call an employee stupid?
Me:
No, I asked if he was stupid."