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❤️🙂

"I hate it when I have finally have the laundry caught up,
then I see my family walking around in clothes."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"I heard the government is putting chips inside of people.
I hope I get Doritos."
(4)
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❤️🙂

"I need at least 70 days notice to do something."
(2)
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❤️

I'm gonna have a positive attitude today.
*me 5 minutes into the day*
I have contained my rage for as long as possible.
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Me yelling at squirrels in the street to move so they don't die
is probably the same feeling God has watching me live my life most days."
(2)
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🙂🥺

"When I offer you food, it's only because I was raised right.
As my friend, please read the truth in my eyes and politely decline."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"I'm really a very pleasant person to be around,
unless I'm hungry, tired, hot, cold, thirsty, anxious, or dealing with idiots."
(0)
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❤️🙂

"When you gotta delete your post
because you're just not the same
person you were 6 minutes ago."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"We DO NOT throw away perfectly good food in this house.
We put the left-overs in Tupperware,
put the Tupperware in the fridge,
let it go bad, THEN throw it out."
(1)
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🙂

"My 5-year plan
is to make it through this year."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Which essential oil is best for
getting people to stop talking to you?"
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Short answer: no. Long answer: noooooooooo."
(4)
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❤️🙂

"Next week has been exhausting."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"If I was accidentally weird to you once
just know I will be thinking about it every night
for the next 50 years."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"You are what you eat."

I don't remember eating anxiety and back pain, but okay.
(4)
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😉

"When you're fatigued because of your depression
but can't sleep because of your anxiety."
(2)
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❤️❤️

"You're so sweet.
I just went into diabetic shock."
(3)
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🙂

"There is a reason the word 'die' is in diet."
(4)
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❤️🙂

"Why can't I be an emotional exerciser instead of an emotional eater?"
(2)
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🍅

"Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Welcome to your 40s.
If you do not already have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"That message felt like a great idea until I hit send."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Physically I'm here,
mentally I'm in a pool in Mexico,
ordering my 3rd tequila."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"How come abbreviated is such a long word?"
(2)
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😳

"They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right."
(2)
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🙂🙂

"I'm not convinced we've wasted enough time on this."
(2)
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🙂🙂

"I hate it when I plan my day and nobody follows the script."
(3)
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🙂🙂

Here's a list of things I'd like to do today:
(2)
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🦷🦷🦷

"My dental hygienist is cute ❤️. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments."
(1)
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