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6 7 8 9 10
🤯 It is astonishing how long it takes to finish something you are not working on.
(5)
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🤔 Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
(3)
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🙂 Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
(3)
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Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race & changes you forever…

We call these people cops.
(4)
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🙂 I just want to feel wanted by someone other than the police.
(2)
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😇 Hold still, I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
(2)
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Strangers have the best candy.
(1)
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😇 I’m not lazy. I’m just very relaxed.
(1)
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🤮 I have multiple personalities and none of them like you!
(1)
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🙂 Just a life update:
hungry again.
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🙂 You bring the tequila, I'll bring the bad decisions.
(1)
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🙂 "Trust me. You can dance."
--Tequila
(2)
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Wife: Why did I get fat during quarantine?

Husband: You were never really skinny!

Time of death: 4/25/20
11:23 pm
Cause of death: Corona virus
(1)
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😇🙄
If it wasn’t for my incredible will-power, I’d be exercising right now.
(4)
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…I feel like how ever I die, my last words are going to be “But I’m still hungry.”
(1)
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…I think senility is going to be a fairly smooth transition for me.
(4)
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🤔 My neighbour just got arrested for growing marijuana.
Guess my property line isn’t where I thought it was.
(4)
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alva, hugggg.
the jokes make me crack up, too!
sometimes i’m laughing as i’m typing them!
🙂🙂🙂
(2)
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🤓 My talent:
not sleeping at night.
(2)
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Bundle,
I love the one about people thinking that I go out of my way to pi$$ them off, and that it's really no problem, hee hee.
I enjoy your jokes and some give me my only laugh-out-loud of the day, unless Frieda is being particularly cute in her dogginess!
(3)
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😳 2024 feels like that boyfriend that we are about to take back for the 3rd time because he swears he changed.
(1)
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🥳🥳 Guess who got a lot done today?
Not me! But congratulations to someone out there!
(1)
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🙂 I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at knees and back.
(2)
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I just got excited about a new scent of dish soap. Nobody warned me that adulthood was going to be such a non-stop thrill ride.
(1)
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People think I go out of my way to p***ss them off. Trust me. It’s not out of my way at all.
(2)
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I don’t know what my spirit animal is, but I’m pretty confident it has rabies.
(2)
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🐦‍⬛🙂
Just sold my homing pigeon on ebay for the 22nd time.
(3)
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kinda sad but true…

The 3 stages of life:
1. Wanting stuff
2. Accumulating stuff
3. Getting rid of stuff
(4)
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🙂 If you’re thinking what I’m thinking…you need professional help.
(2)
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With my luck I’ll probably be reincarnated as me.
(3)
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6 7 8 9 10
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