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kinda sad but true…

The 3 stages of life:
1. Wanting stuff
2. Accumulating stuff
3. Getting rid of stuff
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🙂 If you’re thinking what I’m thinking…you need professional help.
(2)
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With my luck I’ll probably be reincarnated as me.
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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you still have clothes in the dryer.
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😇 I always regret making a good first impression
because there’s no way I can keep it up.
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😉 Stupidity is not a handicap.
Park elsewhere.
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bundleofjoy,

Thanks for sharing these. My favorite today is

Instead of a sign that says “do not disturb”,
I need one that says “already disturbed, proceed with caution”.

Yes
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🤓 If you dream big enough, anything can come true. Just kidding. Get back to work.
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The world would be a better place if everyone took a chill pill.
It would get even better if some of them choked on it.
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🤯 Next week has been exhausting.
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🤔 Running late is an exercise, right?
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Instead of a sign that says “do not disturb”,
I need one that says “already disturbed, proceed with caution”.
(3)
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🙂 I’m at that awkward stage between birth and death.
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🙂 more come-backs against mean people in your life...

"I'll pray for you."

"Go be dumb by yourself."

"I'm sorry your teachers failed you."

"That sounds like a 'you' problem."

"You should carry a plant around with you and constantly apologize to it for wasting the oxygen it is creating."

"That's a lot of sh*** you're talking for someone in stabbing distance."
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🙂 "I hope the rest of your day is as wonderful as you are."
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🙂 In response to an opinion or view you don't agree with: "I admire you for believing that."
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🙄 Not the greatest at math, but I know when things don’t add up.
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🙃🤔
"The brain named itself."
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He died doing what he loved: Annoying the *** out of me and believing that I wouldn’t stab him.
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I’ve always wanted to walk up to a stranger and hand them a briefcase and whisper “you know what to do” and walk away.
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Physically we are in September. Emotionally I’m still processing March.
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My biggest fear is a killer saying some funny stuff while I’m playing dead.
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🙂 “I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas.”
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If a man speaks his mind in the woods, and no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?
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🙄 "I have as much authority as the pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it." 
(1)
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🙂 My favorite outdoor activity
is going back inside.
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Caregiver flu:

It’s like the regular flu, except no one cares.
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So sick of looking in my wallet and not seeing $1 million.
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🧀🧀🧀🐀🐀🐀

Why do I like cheeeeese?
For starters, it’s pretty grate.
(3)
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🤯 If it ain’t one thing
it’s 10 others.
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