Let's just say my mother isn't aging gracefully. Every attempt I make whether in person or through hired help to help her seems to produce an angry prideful reaction. As if I've deeply insulted her by getting her help and exposing her "weakness". Apparently she'd just rather live in filth and eat McDonald's every day. I'm an only child and I feel terrible saying this but I so much wish I had siblings who could help or take over. My mother and I have always had a difficult relationship where I had to walk on eggshells around her feelings, but her aging is producing situations where I can't tiptoe anymore and act effectively. I always try to be kind and tactful, but no matter how gently I offer her help she finds a way to be angry about it. And as I get angrier I get a bit less gentle myself. She's still competent and no way will she agree to assisted living or a nursing home.
I ask because my mother who has what I say is an undiagnosed borderline personality disorder plus Alzheimer's Disease, she has always been a difficult person to deal with,,,confrotational,combative, she is never wrong, but everyone else is...the government is trying to get rid of elders, etc....
When Alz/dementia comes into the picture, there personality can and will become worse. I suggest you google the website for daughtersof narcississticmothers..see if it fits your mother along with dementia.
I changed my approach with my mother once the Alz started to take over. I treated my mother as though everything going on with her was Alz/dementia related. My mother is mentally incapacitated now but she does not think so. I read that people with Alz/dementia do not recognize their condition and will not see that there is anything wrong with them. They do not feel any different than they did a couple years before. How can they feel different than how they think...to them anyway...
We had to wait until mother was diagnosed as mentally incapacitated to activate the DPOA. In the meantime, we had to set boundaries and learn to detach with love. You can google all this info. Hugs to you!!
You could also get your mum to see a geriatrician/psychiatrist and tell him your fears. My mum was never mean until she got dementia and dosnt appreciate me or anything I do. Ive come very close to walking away many times then the guilt hits and all I do to help me is knowing im doing the right thing?