Hi guys,
Really need to scream on here I am shaking with rage! As most of you know my sis is coming over this wk,my mum is going into respite on wed until the following tuesday my sis will be here this friday spending time with her mates??
The plan was she collects my mum from respite next week and looks after her while im away???????????
Shes just rang my mum to say she has the keys to a friends and will be staying there for the whole holiday???????? popping in when it suits her to see mum???
Ive rang my brother as that means my mum will now be here on her own at night he says hell ring her and that she has got to stay with her while im away.
I just cant beleive her I feel like punching her so yet again she gets away with her responsibility??
Am drained from all this and just cant bear to even be in the same room as her she tells my mum that the reason she dosnt want to stay here is because of me and my bad moods??
Anyway im determined to stay away and she will just have to stay to cook and clean whether she likes it or not.
I really dont know how much more of this I can take maybe its time i moved on my mum plays on all this and loves the drama and attention she gets.
I honestly dont know if I care anymore the lack of support from family is just too much stress my sis will do anything to avoid having to cook and clean and will be out mostly with her friends.
Im just so angry and feel like running away from all this.
I can relate to so much of what you said. I am almost 53, I'm going through menopause and a year ago I had to give up my job, lock up my condo and move in to care for my 84 year old mother. I have not lived with her since I was 18. The only positive thing is I do take a salary from her because she can afford it and I need to make a living, however I am here every day 7 days a week. I have 2 sisters who live in different parts of the country and I get no respite/help from them. I feel very angry and resentful, however, the day will come when my mum is no longer here and my sisters will have to deal with their own guilt. I will have a clear conscience and will be able to move on with my life.
I am able to get out a few hours in the afternoon but most of my social interaction is online.
Could you look into getting one of the Lifeline buttons for your mum to wear so you could get out for a few hours in the day to see people for lunch or dinner occasionally? Also.. it's very important to get out for walks and clear your head. Also tell your mum you are setting aside a few hours in the afternoon for yourself, even if you don't go out. It's important to have quiet time. I truly understand.
I have had no choice but to live here with my mum and am grateful to her for having me here and looking after me when finances were low etc....when I moved back home it was only to be temporary until I found work then I had the accident my brother lived here with us at the time which was fine until he moved his wife in after they got married. I didnt like her from day one and had a bad feeling about her and I was right she was stealing money and stuff on my mum so I had to get her and my bro out of house to this day my bro resents me and blames ME for him leaving???
Then after that my appendix burst and i was rushed to hospital very lucky to be here obviously my poor mum had to look after me as i couldnt do a thing.
Then we had a break in and this left me distraught had an awful time getting over this THEN( sorry but just to explain) my mum fell and broke her arm on top of all this STRESS i noticed things werent right with mum and had been jumping up and down for years trying to tell my family that she needs help but it fell on deaf ears. And now here we are and she may have dementia?
I had been through hell and now with my court case coming to an end and finally thought I could move on and be financially more secure my mum may have this terrible disease and I dont have the strenght now to go through this alone I want my life back and soon.
My mum was there for me but let me tell you I owe her nothing I do everything for her now and just get abuse constantly while my bro and sis do nothing and get nothing but praise??
I think my mum feels like I owe it to her now to look after her and goes mad when I say im moving away soon.
I am completely TORN as I feel guilty on one hand then the realization that if I dont get away from this i will have a breakdown.
My Bro and sis are nothing but cruel and have no thought or feeling for me or what ive been through here they think Im the mad one and that it would all be great if I just go away as mum is stressed having me here(you see thats what she tells them to hide her dementia yep blame me for everything then take the focus off her and her mad ways??
But you are right I need to move on and soon but as you can see I have no money to do this until the case is finished BUT need to know my mum is safe and looked after before I go.
Sorry to rant on but you can see my dilemma cant stay and cant go?? But this behaviour of my sister now has just made it clear to me that I cant do this anymore and I want out ive done my best and will continue to do this until I am in a position to leave and that is why im under huge stress I need to leave for my own mental health even my doctor has warned me to "walk away" how do you do this I love my mum but as you say shes stirring the drama and loving it at the same time losing her mind and needs help?
What do ya do?? I am 48 soon and am determined have a bit of happiness I think I deserve it! HUGS TO YOU!
Maybe it is time you moved on - sounds like your mum is narcissistic - nothing is enough for her and she loves the drama and there is really unhealthy interaction all around. Caregiving is hard enough without game p-laying as well. And it is draining you. Sure enough you wont change them`. For things to change you have to change you. Big hugs - enjoy your respite - and stay away from the dramas and your sis - let her cope with it all. Maybe you can take some of this time figuring out how you want to spend the next years of your life. Let us know how it works out!