The past week or so I've just felt so sad I can hardly stand it. My 84 year old dad is a great guy yet I just feel so tired of it all. The last three years was a mess taking care of then placing Mom with Alzheimer's. She passed away in Late February and now I feel like its happening all over again. Dad is only mobility impaired and frail and only slightly forgetful yet I just feel overwhelmed. I started a new job three weeks ago (big promotion from old job) and I thought getting out of that old employer would help. It didn't.
I now realize it was more home then work causing me stress. I've given up a lot to live here and take care of my folks and as the only heir I will admit I'm looking forward to the reward at the end of the tunnel (inheritance) even though I've given up far more in lost income then I will get from Dad. He's my Dad and I can't just leave.
Tonight I came home from work and tried to be in a good mood yet the smallest thing set me off and I said "I just don't give a damn anymore". I actually kicked a door in anger and just felt like exploding then crying. I'm not usually so out of control of my emotions.
I apologized to my Dad and he's ok with everything but things are not OK. I really feel like I'm dangling off a cliff and its gotten to the point where I've actually looked up Final Exit online and watched their YouTube videos. Not for Dad but for me! But of course that's not an option because I have to take care of him.
I've become so successful and well respected in my career and make a good living yet I feel so miserable. It's getting worse and worse. I wish I knew what to do.
TiredAZ
Find a Church that you like. Only with the Lord Jesus, can we walk through the storms of care-giving. God can keep us calm in the most treacherous times. The peace received from the Prince of Peace is the answer.
*()()* class today who said that her mothers only concern in going to AL was could she still stock a wine cabinet. the wine cabinet is a precondition and the elder is comfortable - y numb. the universe roiles..
I cant wait till my dr appt comes up this month, been waiting for it at the low$$clinic for months! I like to throw dog toys at the fireplace when I feel that stressed! weird but they are soft with a bit of heft I guess and it is metal, lol!!!
Take care of yourself by talking it out here or wherever, and get some pills!
luv,
Juju
I know the sadness...you try to do everything for everybody and it is never enough...at least that's how it feels to me. I too can spend a day at work and leave the office feeling good but there are days when I get home and I turn into an angry and overwhelmed child. Ok that's not it exactly but there are days when waves of the sadness are suffocating. Sadly I do really think about going to bed and hiding under the covers or just running away! But I will be where ever I go so that is a futile daydream.
I am not being cheerful in my attempt to tell you that there others who know the feeling. I am taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds and they do help. I wish there was a support group where I live but I haven't found one yet or they meet during the day.
I know in my head that sadness is reasonable but feeling it is another story. Do you take breaks for yourself? Do you give yourself a cup of coffee or treat on the way home?
Hugs to you and remember to take care of you too! It is hard but take it a day, or hour, at a time.
Take care
Perhaps you can find a way to take a short break for yourself and talk to a psychiatrist. It could be the antidepressant therapy and medications will do the trick for you. Or it may be that identifying what is missing in your life will be helpful. Your anger and hostility are telling you something is wrong. The trick will be trying to find what it is and remedy it.