Regardless of what anyone says, I have to say that care giving is akin to living hell. It really is.....the time and aggravation alone is mind boggling. It's never ending! It's literally a 24/7 commitment......no, it is a 24/7 commitment. It gets very old real soon......the same regimen day in and day out. It do not wish that torture on my worst enemy. Servitude......that word says it all. Most families will have to endure this hell at some point in their lives. It's as though life gets going smoothly for awhile and then the curse of old age comes into the picture and the gravy train stops and the torture takes over. It's just one of the many pitfalls of life. It's the way life is......for all of us. No one gets to live a good life, we all have to endure our share of craziness in our life......whether is be financial trouble, health problems......or whatever.......Murphy's Law is always there to give us trouble. You all know how Murphy's Law works......"what can go wrong, will go wrong". I hold that saying to be most true.
Can you break the problem into component parts so maybe we can nibble around the edges to get you some relief? What is the biggest problem you have? You always mention loss of freedom? Have you looked into respite care offered by your aging agency? Is there any adult day care in your area?
And to complain or vent because we have just listened to the same story for the 100th or the 1000th time - is that SELFISH? Give me a break!
Shame on anyone who comes on this forum and preaches that we OWE our LIVES to our parents or MIL. The only person I promised to love and cherish through sickness and health is my HUBBY - and for him I would die - and for my kids. But, as a parent, I NEVER, EVER want any of my children to be put in the position I have been in for the last 8 years. It is cruel and unusual (and I say that with a little smile on my face - because there have and still are some really unusual days) punishment.
Weekendsoff can check back in in 5-10 years. Would be interesting to read her posts then.
For all you care givers who are hanging on by the skin of your teeth - my prayers are in your behalf each night. Before becoming a care giver - I HAD NO IDEA.................... I had NO idea what care giving entailed until I became one.
We want(ed) life eternal.We strive for it, we have plastic surgery, dye our hair,play at being young but you can't fool mother nature. Are care giver's selfish wishing for life without the added expense,with more time to enjoy a day without poopy pants, cleaning dentures,washing the private parts of parents?
NOOOOOOO.They are being truthful and nothing wrong with that.
Others should try it. A good rant relieve the stress and if you can't do it here then some might snap; go off the deep end. Think before you call someone selfish.Why add to their burden when you can help with a kind word of encouragement.
I am caring for my husband, 24/7 and I can't get a break. I long for a full day of respite -- actually 2 weeks anywhere where I didn't have to worry about anything or anyone would be heaven.
But he can't even think straight. He can't get himself around. He can't get through a grocery store, shop, drive safely, or do much more than get himself dressed. His brain is scrambled enough that simple conversations are misunderstood and then he gets angry.
I came here not to bitch but to seek some support and maybe find some solutions to my burn out. Seeing such a crass comment just makes me angry.
Just keep doing the best you can and leave the rest to God. You are such a sensitive person, you need to know that you have done your best. I would be sure that you have!! Prayers for all of you!
This is not to say that it is not a living hell for others. I am not dismissing others' experiences. I just want to add my perspective, too, for balance.
Plus one has to remember back when our parents were caring for us as children and teens, the parents normally were in their 20's and 30's.... not in their 60's and 70's.... huge difference in energy levels. Today we have senior citizens trying to care for much older senior citizens.