All I can feel is loneliness...Guilt from self pitty and confusion. My social worker says when my husband passes I will be a wash of emotions. Grief, guilt (I could never make him happy even after 41 years of marriage as he never got over his first wives death & lived in the past.) , relief , fear etc. his needs are overwhelming as he has dementia as well as many serious health issues . I have help come in 7 hours a week. But by the time I get my husband in bed I'm exhausted & need time alone to rest, pray & get my head together. How can I prepare for his death & do better today handling his care. We have two dogs my husband loves . I can't leave my husband alone even long enough to walk them. They are full of energy & a nightmare when people come. One respite care girl says we need to get rid of them. They are a lot of work & stress. Not an option. I'm depressed every morning & hate to face the day. I'm failing the lord with this attitude.
But don't think that you are failing the Lord or anyone else -- I feel quite certain that you are doing the very best you can each and every day. It's just that the caretaking job is too big for just you. Please try to get help, dog walker, respite care, neighbors, & friends from church, some sort of support system to help you handle this load, and keep your own heath and sanity in the process.
All God asks of us is that we do the best we can and then trust him the rest of the way. Don't be so hard on yourself.
my sis and niece thought they were going to care for my dying mother 2 yrs ago . moved in with bed bugs and the nastiest ( in heat ) bastard dog ive ever seen . when hospice visited the dog would sit in a back room and howl . bullsh*t . not on my watch . the dog was ran off first , sis second , niece third , bed bugs last and there was serenity in the home till mom passed a year later .
yea im a real b*tch but i took control of that household then presented that control back to mom as a gift she deserved .