Just need to vent. You all don’t need to read or comment. I understand.
Late this morning, my Christmas “celebration” was unceremoniously dumped into the trash bin. I got a few texts from my kids that pretty much made any plans I’d made pretty much worthless.
I've been setting aside a few bucks here and there for a few months, since I went back to work, so I could invite my kids and their families over for Christmas Eve. I haven’t done so for two years since my mom passed and our finances got so bad. I was going to pick my oldest grandson up on Saturday and we were going to shop, cook and decorate the house, something else I haven’t done in two years. I texted the kids and told them to be here at 3:30 since my daughter originally said she was working until 3.
My son texted back and said that he was invited over to his in-laws. He has not ever gotten along with them and they have finally invited him over with their daughter and our new grandson. I’m happy for him but he has thrown me and our Christmas Eve under the bus. He said he would make the 45 minute trip here to spend an hour here and then rush back to head to his in-laws. I told him not to bother. My daughter said she was now scheduled to work until “5 or 5:30”. She said my son-in-law and my other grandsons would come over at 3 but she wouldn’t be here until 6 or later. With nighttime preparations for hubby, by the time we socialized, ate, the kids opened their gifts and they left, I wouldn’t have hubby ready until after midnight.
Our family Christmas get-together has been completely trashed. I’m sure the kids don’t realize how hurt I am. I will be accused of being unreasonable. I am being “fit in” because they apparently have better things to do even though we’ve had these plans for 6 weeks. I had mentioned them coming over the 30th but I’m cancelling out on that. I will UPS the kids’ gifts to them. Hubby and I will most likely have Chunky Soup for Christmas Dinner.
This truly sucks. .
Thinking you all found a turkey in a dumpster, I ran on over here. I am returning to the dinner thread now!
I've been reading everyone's responses and here's my takeaway: Be flexible. Recognize that times have changed. With so much divorce and remarriage, families struggle to include everyone and cover all their bases where holidays are concerned. Don't be part of the problem. Get creative! Expecting Christmases like those of our past may end in disappointment. Adjust and redefine!
That being said, there have been comments here regarding family members who agree to holiday plans made in advance and bail at the last minute. I too have been on the receiving end of this and it's downright infuriating to host a gathering and have guests bail in favor of a "better" offer! Been there. Done that.
When I was a young mom, my house was too small to invite too many at a time, so I got in the habit of hosting Christmas dinners by having husband's family one year and my family the next, alternating years, so to speak. These dinners were very popular. I pulled out all the stops with decorating, cooking for days, etc. and really enjoyed doing it. Everyone loved my holiday dinners. But after a decade or so of this, I noticed that no one in either family was reciprocating! I got to the point I wanted to be "the guest" at least once in awhile, so I started dropping subtle hints that perhaps they host next year. No one took the hint and made the effort. So it's kinda sad, really. Now that I'm older and live far away, the kids seldom come to my house for Christmas (despite my invitations) and they don't invite me to their houses but all go to their in-law's.
I don't know how this situation evolved. Maybe it was something I did or didn't do. Makes me feel like a pariah! All I know is I love my family and wish we spent more time together, especially for the holidays. But I don't spend my time pouting or complaining to them about it. It is what it is. You could say I've learned to alter my expectations.
Thanks for listening! And Merry Christmas!!
The days were nothing like Christmases past. I’m trying to put them in a box on a shelf in my mind and forget about what didn’t happen and how sad I was those days. Hopefully, we will be able to all get together when everyone’s schedule meshes. In truth, I’m just glad it’s over.
In my family, we traded off holidays. We had Thanksgiving with my in-laws and Christmas Eve with my family. Christmas Day we went to SILs fathers. Mom has dinner Christmas Eve always so we had no conflict, really. The spouses families have to realize that its not just them anymore. The spouse has a family too.
We miss the old Christmas too. My parents are gone as are my Aunts and Uncles. Mom had 4 kids. At least half of us were home TG and Christmas. I miss my brother asking the other to pass the rolls and he proceeded to throw it at him. Miss my Aunt especially who was always there at all the dinners. Now they are just my immediate family. One daughter a nurse so never sure if she works or not. Other daughter is a vegetarian so she brings her own food. Grandsons and nephew. Its pretty much eat and run.
Not sure why, this year felt different. I enjoyed decorating. Hubby even put up lights and garland on railing outside. Bought one of those outside candles. I cut back on my baking. Lasagna for dinner for the last few years because of the nurse. Just my daughters and us at the table. (daughter and husband separated this year) (Nephew and grandson, 25, chose to eat in family room watching TV) We had a nice conversation and some laughs. It was nice. It felt more Christmasy this year. Don't know why.