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The reason Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. are such stressful times is because of a lot of expectations that should be relaxed or eliminated.  Who said "Christmas" had to be celebrated on Christmas day?  Why not pick a day around that time that is more workable for the family to get together?  It's not the religious holiday, but all the secular ho-ha, the tight scheduling, etc. that people stress out over.  Nicest Christmas I ever had was with a couple of friends (not family) and a cheap pizza.  Soooo restful!
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Agree that we get can get disappointed easily. This year I get to see my kids on Christmas (only cuz it falls on my usual visitation day), other years, too bad. I do cry sometimes, but if I get angry about it, the sadness just lasts longer. I hope we can lift each other up out of disappointments, by sharing this way.
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Oh darn, this topic is not at all what I thought it would be.....
Thinking you all found a turkey in a dumpster, I ran on over here. I am returning to the dinner thread now!
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This will be my 3rd post to this thread. I can't seem to leave it alone. Great subject and timely, too!

I've been reading everyone's responses and here's my takeaway: Be flexible. Recognize that times have changed. With so much divorce and remarriage, families struggle to include everyone and cover all their bases where holidays are concerned. Don't be part of the problem. Get creative! Expecting Christmases like those of our past may end in disappointment. Adjust and redefine!

That being said, there have been comments here regarding family members who agree to holiday plans made in advance and bail at the last minute. I too have been on the receiving end of this and it's downright infuriating to host a gathering and have guests bail in favor of a "better" offer! Been there. Done that.

When I was a young mom, my house was too small to invite too many at a time, so I got in the habit of hosting Christmas dinners by having husband's family one year and my family the next, alternating years, so to speak. These dinners were very popular. I pulled out all the stops with decorating, cooking for days, etc. and really enjoyed doing it. Everyone loved my holiday dinners. But after a decade or so of this, I noticed that no one in either family was reciprocating! I got to the point I wanted to be "the guest" at least once in awhile, so I started dropping subtle hints that perhaps they host next year. No one took the hint and made the effort. So it's kinda sad, really. Now that I'm older and live far away, the kids seldom come to my house for Christmas (despite my invitations) and they don't invite me to their houses but all go to their in-law's.

I don't know how this situation evolved. Maybe it was something I did or didn't do. Makes me feel like a pariah! All I know is I love my family and wish we spent more time together, especially for the holidays. But I don't spend my time pouting or complaining to them about it. It is what it is. You could say I've learned to alter my expectations.

Thanks for listening! And Merry Christmas!!
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Well after posting about Mom being angry at hubs, and my Christmas spirit being GONE.. it turned out pretty good. I had a talk with mom,, she cried a bit and of course remembers nothing about her bouts of not talking to me in my high school years,, She manned up.So did hubs,, and DD came for the night ( still here tonight bless her). We had FIL and hubs cousin, and a friend from the river who had nowhere to go as he has family drama with his brother.. and we all had a nice time. So I am pretty content right now. Somehow it all worked out, and I hope it did for others. Merry Christmas to all my friends here!
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I'm curious how did it go yesterday? I hope it was better than you thought it would!
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Katskorner,thanks for asking. I did bring my grandsons to our house on Saturday and they helped decorate. However, grandson #2 got the flu Saturday night. I was incubating a cold with a sore throat and a headache. My daughter had to work and son still went to his in-laws to mend fences. Hubs and I wound up alone on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I stuck the turkey in the oven on Christmas Day so we did have a fairly good meal.

The days were nothing like Christmases past. I’m trying to put them in a box on a shelf in my mind and forget about what didn’t happen and how sad I was those days. Hopefully, we will be able to all get together when everyone’s schedule meshes. In truth, I’m just glad it’s over.
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Sorry it wasn't the Christmas you wanted. Maybe you need a sit down with your kids. Explain that you really don't know how long hubby will be with you but you would like his last Christmases to be with his family. That you understand that spouses have family too but they aren't in the situation you r in. So in advance, you would love it if next year they could spend Christmas Day with you.

In my family, we traded off holidays. We had Thanksgiving with my in-laws and Christmas Eve with my family. Christmas Day we went to SILs fathers. Mom has dinner Christmas Eve always so we had no conflict, really. The spouses families have to realize that its not just them anymore. The spouse has a family too.

We miss the old Christmas too. My parents are gone as are my Aunts and Uncles. Mom had 4 kids. At least half of us were home TG and Christmas. I miss my brother asking the other to pass the rolls and he proceeded to throw it at him. Miss my Aunt especially who was always there at all the dinners. Now they are just my immediate family. One daughter a nurse so never sure if she works or not. Other daughter is a vegetarian so she brings her own food. Grandsons and nephew. Its pretty much eat and run.

Not sure why, this year felt different. I enjoyed decorating. Hubby even put up lights and garland on railing outside. Bought one of those outside candles. I cut back on my baking. Lasagna for dinner for the last few years because of the nurse. Just my daughters and us at the table. (daughter and husband separated this year) (Nephew and grandson, 25, chose to eat in family room watching TV) We had a nice conversation and some laughs. It was nice. It felt more Christmasy this year. Don't know why.
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