My 75 year old father has narcissistic personality disorder and coming up on a year ago decided to write his "manifesto". At first it was a hobby and seemed therapeudic but over time he has become obsessed with it to the point where he rarely leaves the house and has dropped other activities he used to do. The content of his writing consists mostly of his political and religious opinions that are (for me) embarassing, ill-informed, shocking, and paranoid. He recently withdrew all his and my mother's cash from the bank because he believes the government is about to collapse. He also believes when he finishes the book that he will be invited on various talk shows and even run for president. I have offered to help him self publish the book as an ebook as an attempt to get him to finish the book. He may be close to being done. Either way I'm concerned. He will be disappointed when the book flops or if he continues writing. It has decreased his own quality of life and my mother who he has dragged into his delusions of grandeur by having her typing his hand-written notes for hours every day because he refuses to learn how to use a computer. I have tried to get him to find a hobby or other things to enjoy but his narcissism convinces him that he doesn't have time for "ordinary" things because he's going to save the world with his book. Mother and I have accepted that his narcissism will not go away and is only getting worse as he gets older. It is sad because he is bored and sad and looking for validation. Before the book he paid some poor graduate student he met at the golf course to have lunch with him twice a week so they could "research" some invention he thought was going to make it big. Instead the student would nod and listen to my father's grandiouse ideas about how they ought to invent something and a month later the guy stopped showing up and stopped answering his phone. I can't blame him. What do you do with an aging narcissist?
As for my mom, we are in the process of finding a place for her, NH or AL.
I do know it sounds strange, but my dad really is so normal other ways, except for this one thing. It is so bizarre! I have given the doctor all the information on his behavior, but she did not make any suggestions. (They both see the same doctor). I am hoping it will pass soon, thank you so much for sharing your story.
Stay strong.
My father called asking for advice on how to start a website for his political campaign. I very carefully explained to him the amount of work involved in creating and managing a website. I thought the conversation went well but when I spoke with my mother a few days later she said he was furious with me for speaking to him in a "disrespectful" manner??? I called him to apologize and unfortunately he had been drinking too much so he refused my apology and went off on me for 45 minutes telling me how he wished he had put me in foster care when I was 10, what an awful person and daughter I am, and how much I owe him. I didn't say a word and waited until he had run out of wind to quietly say I was sorry he felt that way and we hung up. A few days later I got a hate letter with more of the same, this time with an exact accounting to the penny of every cent he feels he spent on me (including the hospital bill for my birth, and monthly "rent" I owe him for living with him from birth to 18). Then another hate letter. I saw a therapist who suggested I affirm some boundaries so together the therapist and I wrote a very short, simple letter asking him to not talk to me that way. His response was another hate letter - this time he disowned me.
So - I haven't talked to him since May of 2012. My mother, enabling co-dependant, has called me a few times begging me to "apologize". For what I have no idea, it was me calling to apologize in the first place that set him off???
For now I'm done. I'm done dealing with his abuse and his craziness and I feel so much better to be free.
Since we can't force our parents to go to the doctor or take the meds; seems there is nothing we can do. Try calling Elder Services in your town and talk to someone there and they might have suggestions that we would never think of.
At this point, only professionals such as those at Elder Services are familiar with similar situations and trained on so many levels. Blessings and hope you can find some help. Take care.
What are my other options?
This is difficult on your mother as well - hope you can get some help.