I am dreading giving a eulogy at my ma's funeral. there are 5 kids and she wants each of us to speak. I was the oldest and she took all of her frustration out on me with daily beatings, including bloody noses, age inappropriate tasks, because she was an alcoholic and on and on. I protected the younger ones from her, but I still hate the way that she abused me. My younger sibs have a relationship with her, but I do not. I just show up for medical visits because I am a doctor. Basically I hate the values of this vain, selfish and superficial woman. All that I can say at her funeral is that she had great taste and considered herself a great beauty. The world never knew about her vicious child abuse. What do I do.?
Don't discuss it now, but at the last minute, tell your family you aren't going to speak at her funeral. "I'm too upset, guy, I can't speak." If they call on you anyway, simply say, "I'm too upset to speak. I'm sorry. I'll let my other family speak for me." Under the circumstances, I'd say that's the kindest eulogy you could perform.
At my husband's funeral I offered all of our kids and grandkids the opportunity to speak. One daughter asked her sister to include her remarks, but then decided to speak for herself at the service. The son who was most involved in Dad's life was too broken up to speak. Several grandkids did speak, most did not. As far as I know, nobody asked those who didn't speak for an explanation.
This is a very personal decision for you. You are not obligated either way. Do as you think best.
Or you could just say something tactful such as that life will not the same without her, which is true and apparently for the better. Then just add that speaking is too emotional a subject for you and let it go at that. No one should question your sincerity - most people do get emotional and sometimes tongue tied at funerals.
Maybe you could offer to handle some other task, such as buying the flowers or making some of the funeral arrangements, which would be in lieu of speaking.
And being rather blunt but not intending to be callous, your mother will never really know whether you speak at her funeral or not.