I have posted on here many times and answered questions every now and then. Dad passed away Oct 7th 2013 from Liver Cancer . He was in a hospice facility for 11 days until he died. The day before he was admitted he was in the hospital and was talking,eating and very clear headed but his ammonia levels were high and he had been very combative, not eating and wouldn't take his meds for 4 days at his nursing home. ( He was in for a Psych Evaluation.) The hospice worker talked to me about admitting him instead of returning to the nursing home. I agreed to this and arrangements were made. He was transferred later that day and was alert and in good spirits. The next morning he was unresponsive and stayed that way until he passed. They gave him morphine and ativan around the clock. He never got any water but they did cleanse his mouth and moisten it with swabs. It seemed like he could hear me the first few days because I would shake his shoulder and say "dad". His eyes seemed to be moving under his eyelids and his mouth would move slightly. I did ask about them lowering his dosages so he could wake up a little. The nurse said he was getting a very small dosage already. I just wonder if the drugs made him unresponsive and if less was used he could have ate and drank and lived longer. I know it was time for him to go but I'm kinda puzzled about his going from complete alertness and straight into unresponsiveness so quick. The nurses did a Great job. I myself don't know how they do it. They treated dad like he was their baby. So gentle and compassionate. I was just wondering if anyone else had the feeling that death felt a little rushed once their loved one was placed in Hospice.
There is also a "rally" where a patient will suddenly feel better, will be eating and talking. And within a couple of days they are now in coma like state. This is very common. It would happen with or without Hospice.
Sometimes a person will think their love one passed quickly once Hospice was involved. Usually in those cases, Hospice was called late in the patient's care.
My own Dad was in the hospital with aspiration pneumonia when the hospital called me saying he took a turn for the worse. Thus, Dad was transported back to his Assisted Living, and Hospice was called in. He was able to rest comfortably without that heart wrenching cough. Dad passed quickly, within a week. He was ready to go as my Mom had passed the prior year and he missed her so much.
I remember one time on another thread that had to with Hospice, that one poster thought those of us who were comfortable with Hospice could all be the same person. Apparently that poster didn't check out our own history on this forum.
We do all tend to go around in our comfortable echo-chamber bubbles. It doesn't do us any harm if we at least bump up against other bubbles from time to time :)
With the exception of peacebear, these posters: RobRob, SteveBishiri, LIzzieM, Wandamcdaniel, catroom, Iamjustme, Pammie58, Lost247, Dianne321, and Storey came to tell their stories and how hospice killed their love ones, then they disappeared from Agingcare.
Makes me wonder if these are real posters and real stories. I bet if I went back more pages, I'd find more single-comment posters who were against hospice.
It depends if you want to see that person suffer with horrible pain, or if you want the peron to be comfortable.
From your description she sounds as though she is progressing fairly quickly. because she can still walk, talk and eat does not mean she is not nearing the end of her journey. Remember it is her mind that is sick and damaged not her body. Hospice is very hesitant to admit patients with dementia because it is something that does not usually end life very quickly. Don't be afraid to try the medications and see if her pain is eased and that will help you descide on the best way to move forward. Don't let guilt guide your decisions. After all if she sleeps all day so can you.
I am so sorry but not suprised your Dad is taking this so hard. 70 years is a very long time to be married and at 93 it is very hard to take such a loss. I am sure you are doing all you can to relieve his distress. let him take his own time and don't do things to "cheer him up" he may be ready to join your mother sooner rather than later. it will be very sad for you to face the loss of both parents, but we don't have a choice in such things. So be sure to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Blessings.
Im so torn.
I would give ANYTHING for a morphine drip and Atavan. I used to work in a nursing home and I know how peaceful and painless going that way is. This is none of the above, for any of us. My poor mother is suffering, and I am attending to her every minute. I am sleepless, haggared, not eating, and basically at my wits end.
Anyone who feels that hospice did them a disservice by easing their loved one's passing needs to come to my house and see what it is when they (due to the opiod crisis I guess?) withhold those meds.