I am full-time caregiver with companion 3 days a week so I can get out of the house.
My 2 sisters are very rude and act as if I am the hired help and had all but taken over our home. Loud TV, constant bickering between them and other issues caused us to set down visting time limits so we can have a little peace in our house at the end of a busy day. DH has had it with their lack of respect for what I am doing, not mention the no help they offer and the lack of long range planning and team work. I've tried to have meetings with them on all these issues but can only communicate via text or email in order to avoid the bawling and squalling they do. They do not want to face or deal with our Mother's failing health.
Both think Mother is going to have a miracle recovery and go back to taking care of her own home. This was our goal 18 months ago but failing health leaves her unable to care for herself at all. She is in a wheelchair, incontinent and can only stand for a few seconds with a walker dispite months of PT. Taking care of Mother has not been a problem; she is bright and alert and DH and I enjoy having her around...it is the sisters creating problems. DH says this is more than one person can handle 24/7 and he certainly didn't realize that I would be giving up my life while my sisters run around doing whatever they want. I must admit it has been a major lifestyle change for us.
Has anyone else faced this kind of problem and how was it resolved. I hate that Mother will go to a nursing home but my first concern has to be to my mental/physical health and that of my husband. Sisters are long divorced, no childred and have no concept of how a real family works.
It is impossible for them to know what is going on until they walk the walk. You have to do what is best for you and your mother. Stay firm because you will not be able to please everyone unfortunately.
If you enjoy having your mother there and you are able to handle her care without hardship, don't let your inconsiderate sisters change that. Keep your mother at your home.
One other thing. Something to think about...could your sisters perhaps be jealous of you or you and your mother's relationship and purposely trying to cause you grief at the least and/or to break-up you and your mom, at the most?
Good luck!
are you sister wanting you to put mom in a nh? or, do you need/want to put mom there. Keep her home if its your sisters pressuring you.
in domestic violence cases there are often restraining orders that state keeping a certain distance and no fighting or arguing in front of the children. If this happens the parties can be arrested for violating the restraining order.
Why is it that the ones who do the least are always first in line when they smell money??
It is truly sad that your sisters are forcing this issue. But do what you have to do to reclaim your own lives. Mother needs at least one sane, stable daughter in her life! It may be that you can take better care of her in a nursing home than in the chaotic place your home has become.
Now one of them has filed a court motion saying that I have refused to allow her to visit Mother and she wants the court to order me to drive her to her home which is 2 hours from where I live and wait around while she visits with Mother. I have never refused her visits. The courts have ordered mediation and if we cannot agree to a solution, we will have another hearing. I cannot afford any more attorney assistance so I am also considering a nursing home for Mother if the court decides that I have to drive her for visits. Ultimately, I know that I am the one who has to make that decision and that I will have to decide if I believe that Mother's health and welfare are my primary concerns or if I am just being prideful.
You said it well when you said "DH says this is more than one person can handle 24/7 and he certainly didn't realize that I would be giving up my life while my sisters run around doing whatever they want. I must admit it has been a major lifestyle change for us." I discovered the same but believe that God has placed me here and know that I have to make this decision based on that and not on whether or not the court orders me to do something for my sisters who continually harass me for just trying to do the right thing.
You do need to set up rules and to remember that it is your home. You do not have to give up your entire life for someone else's whims. But if you do decide to go with NH don't let yourself feel guilty. I know the extreme burden of dealing with dysfunctional family members as well as the demands of caregiving. I wish you the best as you make your choices.