Do personalities change?
I wonder about this given the abusive personalities of so many parents that we read about here. What do you think about what I've learned and gained insights about over the years?
Research has shown that our personality traits manifest themselves more intensely as we age. Whatever we have been hiding behind a mask will become more difficult to hide because we are no longer strong enough to keep it from coming out.
Traumatic experiences can or do have an impact on our personality. This is why it is important to work through things instead of just burying them deep down inside.
It appears that any needed adjustments in our personality needs to be done early for the older we get the less open to change we are.
Sadly, we will not make such adjustments unless we see the need to. Some people chose to resist any input that they need to change anything about themselves for their entire life.
Family of origin issues often make it difficult to see the need for change and thus to respond to event in a healthy was instead of an unhealthy way.
All; to often, others can see the issues that we need to deal with but don't say so unless they feel it is safe to share their insights.
Of those who see the need to change, some don't because the work is too hard or too full of fear to face.
Basically, who we are has to do with the choices we have made in response to life's events. However, these responses do not take place in a vacuum. They are influenced by various social, psychological and other factors that we must become aware of and deal with appropriately,
This is one reason that boundaries are so important.
Otherwise, we are who we are apart from the grace of God changing the quality of character of who we are if we are open.
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My father grew more mellow with age, because softer around the edges, and less absolute. (He did not have dementia.) Or was that just reverting back to a mellower personality he had before he had seven kids to support and health issues, back to a time before I knew him?
I don't see personality change in my mother, now age 95 (dementia). She has always had a very low pain tolerance and a fear of pain. She has pain often now so her episodes of fear and outrage have increased. But basically she is jolly, mild-mannered, and non-judgmental and a true foodie!
My husband's personality changed dramatically at the onset of dementia. Paranoia, belligerence, distrust, and fuzzy thinking in him were totally new to me. After the first few months of treatment his doctor said, "It is so nice to see his personality beginning to peek through the fog." And while the dementia continued, his personality did revert back to the laid-back, trusting, mellow guy I married.
I find myself, at 70, more patient and more tolerant than I was in my 20s and 30s. I don't know that my personality has changed, but my outlook has.
Can personalities change? I think so, but dramatic changes are the stuff of literature.
I even think that as a small child at 4 that my parents divorce and my response of ceasing to eat so bad that they had to put me in a major hospital changed the personality that I was born with.
I do realize though that your question was directed toward personality changes in the elderly. But personality changes happen to servicemen and women, to me that's an indication that personality changes are in fact possible.
I think it is possible for us to hide secrets from ourselves about how we really feel otherwise called denial. Everyone experiences some frustration. The question is how to you release it. Everyone has their own way to do this. I use to use exercise, Tae Kwan Do with the boys and power lifting over a decade ago. Now I go out to my Man Cave and vegetate in the complete quietness and peace of that experience weather I do anything productive or now.
When I feel emotionally in pain that is where I go also. This helps in between times until I see my therapist. Venting here sometimes helps, but I must be careful how deep that I share here. I feel some rather raw pain at times.
One very nice man whos nickname was "Happy", became a violent angry person. My mother who was tightlaced religious, angry and judgemental became nicer. Of course now-a-days if she gets angry it takes music,backrubs and hugs to bring her back.....but one day that may not work?
The man was on medications- my mother is not.
I have wondered to myself if the "nice" man had "kept it in" for all these years...