My 95 year old dad died of alzheimers 9 months ago. My mother who is 96 and at the time of his death was strong and healthy except for being legally blind. I thought after my dad passed away we would travel and get out of the house and be able to enjoy life again. She went into a major depression and it was obvious after 64 years of marriage, she was lost without her husband. She was hospitalized in November with an ulcerated esophogus. She was so weak they suggested putting her in a rest home. I told them that was not an option and had an ambulance bring her home. She is back to being a strong and healthy woman. She is back to eating and walking around with her walker. However, now she moans all the time. The only time she doesn't moan is when someone is talking to her. She used to listen to music or books on tape and her moaning would be quieter, but now she moans all the time and especially at night...all night! I have been sleeping with her since my dad died because she doesn't like to be alone. I miss sleeping upstairs with my husband and I miss sleeping! I tried the baby monitor but it keeps everyone awake instead of just me. I am tired, but I want to do what is best for my mom. I love taking care of her and feel this is exactly what I need to be doing right now in my life. I am a 51 year old mother of 5 with 3 children still at home. Any advice would be welcomed!
I am 1 of 3 children who love our 85yr old Mom dearly.
I am the oldest & have beeen building a new house for 10 mos. to retire early, downsize & to take my mom in. She recently had a scare and I rushed from VA to Fla to help. She currently lives alone after our dad passed 4 years ago tomorrow😞
My sister is near by and checks on her everyday before work & after- plus do activities together on weekends-- we have cameras set up in her home and she has to text ( group feed) each day when she rises and goes to bed at the very least- I am the care giving type and text her all through out day too! We also have an app that tells us when she leaves home and arrives-
Anyway, This scare was pretty serious. She felt sick and didn’t show up for a “ fun date”. That person went to check on her and she hadn’t been eating- forgot to eat and drink for several days while the younger daughter was away (5 days)(unbeknownst to me ) so , I left Immediately to fla- turned out to be a serious UTI - a culture showed a strain that was all antibiotic resistant except one as well.
So she is getting better by very slow- this was close call- A CT(only because we didn’t know what the tummy pain was at first) showed many other organ enlargements-
So, now she is moaning all the time and it’s very loud-
Not at night ( as I was in the next room and moved into her bed because it was so disturbing I thought it would be better comfort if I was closer-so glad I did- from the above mention—
Thanks for all the wonderful advice- I’m sure she misses dad, is lonely for same age company and feels that being alone is just too much- she was an extremely busy/ out going lady- and while dad was alive- & sickly she took care of him- after he passed her care of another was promptly removed -
We moved her out of the family home to a MUCH smaller place and it has no office/ craft room and that is her passion- we have her going to classes- the place she didn’t show up too!!
So this recent moan is probably all of the above mentioned-
She is probably I n some slight physical pain- ( even though she claims she isn’t)
Has some fear of the unknown future- missing dad-
For sure inner pain-
loss of hope-
Some stressor recent move and now again from an area she spent 39 years & of what might be wrong with her tummy-
Any of her recent expierence could also be so shocking all of the sudden as those experiences /loss of her 55 yr marriage with her first and only love of her life-( and dad was even more outgoing then she is)
Also, loss of love/ companionship is huge-
I’m going to be taking her in to our new place and a new state for us all - start fresh in a new place with family- me , my husband and my moms brother- who lost his spouse 2 months after she did) there I hope she finds comfort in a group of ages who are very fond of her-
Thank you all- especially shining eyes!