Mom is slipping away mentally and I get frustrated with her and don't like when I get that way. I "think" I am doing the best I can with her on top of working full time and trying to spend time with my husband, family and friends. My oldest DD and her son moved home 2 months ago and now my youngest DD and her son are moving home. Our house will be bursting at the seams and I am so tempted to let them live there as long as they pay the electric bill and cable bill and my husband and I move in with my Mom. His mom's health is failing too, and there are times he has to go and spend the night with her. I have a break from taking care of Mom right now as my sister is in town for another week.
I am giving up the one thing that I enjoyed...sewing. That room needs to be used for the grandbaby and so I am packing it all up. I don't have time to sew, nor do I have the joy and excitement I used to have when I did sew.
Am I being punished for wanting a nice, calm life? For not doing something I should have? I feel like I am letting my Daddy down if I don't keep Mom at home and doing my absolute best.
Too bad I don't drink :)
My mother is 96 and in the NH. She is the healthiest that she has ever been, with full-time care. My MIL is 92 and in AL. She does not need us, too much.
My DD is 26 and has a 5 yo, who I baby sit 60 hours a week. I teach little girls to pitch and I am 61.
The babies come first. Then, you. Then, your husband. Everyone else is somewhere down the line. I am $7,000 in debt over my daughter's divorce. Her ex is $11,000 behind in child support. but, he does get thrown in jail, for non payment every once in awhile.
I understand where you are coming from, but you can't do everything. Do not give up sewing. That is your life line.
Sounds like a plan. I know what you mean being just us.
Our oldest came home in August after being released from Air Force Reserve training that comes after basic military training because of an injury.
He's been taking account courses at the local community college and working part time. His plans are either to go to graduate school for a degree in accounting or get a job. He has sent his applications in and is waiting to hear back. We will be glad to get our house and lives back once he's out of the house again. Our youngest graduates in May and likely will be going to the University of Chicago in the fall. I had written up a nice poem about having a empty nest but the oldest came home. He graduated in Dec of 2013.
I wish you, your husband and your daughters the best as ya'll deal with things!
Keep in touch.
I made a promise to Mom many years ago and she remembers that. I have told her that I will keep her at home as long as I can, but when I can't do it anymore and/or her health determines that she needs more than I (and caregivers) can give her at home she will need to go.
I have talked to my husband about what is going on and while we have a plan, we all know how those plans change with circumstances.
The girls will know that I will not tolerate coming home to a dirty house, etc and that they need to pull their own weight.
The youngest DD had just moved out when Daddy got sick and I had to move in with them to help out. Hubby and I were finally going to be just us since we already had children when we married. One day we will have it again.
Thanks for listening and replying.
No, you are not being punished for wanting a nice calm life? or for not doing something you should have.
Did you make a promise to your dad to keep mom at home? Well, both of you are older now and her needs may be getting to the point where they are too much for you to bear. 1/3 of caregivers die before the person they are caring for died. I hope you don't end up being a statistic.
How old are the daughters and their sons? Do they plan to work and move on to where they can live on their own or have they come home to mom to roost?
Sounds like some ground rules need to be established with the daughters since you have your hands full with your mom. Since they are additional mouths to feed and bodies in the house to use up more water and electricity, I think they should contribute to household living both with money and with helping with cleaning and cooking in my opinion.
I understand your desire to drink, but with what you have on your plate it is good that your not escaping on the bottle.
Have you and your husband sat down and had a heart to heart honest no holes bared conversation about the realities of this whole circumstance? If not, you need to talk and come up with some kind of plan. If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.
These feelings of being punished may be a good thing to talk over with a counselor if you can get to one and afford one.
Take care and keep in touch.
Love, prayers and hugs.