Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
You're definitely on the right track. Setting those boundries is the most important thing in a relationship with a needy elderly person. Especially when that person parent even if we always enjoyed a great relationship with them.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family dynamic. My mother is a narcissistic, gaslighting bully. Then the bullying turned into abusive neediness. The first boundaries ever set with her were by both of my husbands. Neither of them would tolerate her crap for one second. What a blessing those boundaries were and I learned from them. In fact, I did not even speak to her for six years and did not have her at my second wedding. Her complaining and snideness ruined the first one, so I didn't have her at the second.
She tried to make some genuine amends for some of her past behavior and I agreed to move in with her after I got divorced. This was supposed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. It worked for a little while then it became servant/master. I am leaving come the spring and she is not coming with me. She's very upset and doubling down on the gaslighting and verbal abuse. I'm done though.
Set those boundaries for your sake. Do not allow your mother to behave abusively to you in any way. That includes verbal and emotional abuse. It also includes abusive neediness.
We were not close when I was growing up and there was a period of 10 years when I didn't see her at all, we couldn't afford it and she didn't make the effort to visit. So there is emotional neglect on her part and that was a big issue for me to deal with in therapy. I think I am doing 'ok' but 10 years ago she had to move near us; I was the closest kid and the only one who was able to take time off to help her move. I am the most unlikely one, since we were never close.
I've learned a lot the past 10 years and we've had some major blow outs but always were able to resolve them. She is very self-centered, and I know she will never change, so I do what I can to stay emotionally healthy.
This past summer, I had Covid, and my antidepressants stopped working; I ended up in the hospital for 5 days on a medication change (I was suicidal by the time I was able to get help). Thank God for my husband, he literally didn't leave me alone one minute. So, I am doing better on this medication change, but I am still not 100%.
I know it's up to me to set boundaries with my mom, and I am really struggling with that. I was advised by my new psych nurse to get back into therapy. I've been resistant to that, but I am realizing that I need more help, so that is my "new year's resolution". Just wanted to say hello!
Today, it's gone up 15 degrees from where it was. Everything is melting and it's like one big swimming pool everywhere now. Gotta love winter!
But hubs did manage to pick up a bottle of Bailey's for me. I'm not a drinker but Bailey's feels so good going down your throat. If I could I'd cyber send you a glass Willie.
Yay!!! New Orleans Saints won their game against the Cleveland Browns in spite of the elements!
Geaux Saints!
Those of you in colder climates, stay safe and warm during these bitter winter days!
Happy Holidays! 🍻🍹🍷🍸🍾🥂
Tell them it is an emergency and without Bailey-s you can't unfreeze your car locks!😁😁🍹🍹
Awwww, that is disappointing! Yep, Bailey’s works too. You deserve a bottle! What a workout you have had!
What about the construction work that they were doing on the curbs? Is that completed? I hope so.
Geeeeeez! You are certainly up against the elements.
I can’t say that I feel your pain because I have never been in that situation but I have empathy for you.
I think that I would relax with a nice snifter of brandy afterwards! Or perhaps a glass of Pinot Noir. If not an alcoholic beverage, a hot cocoa or warm eggnog!
Merry White Christmas to you!
And I'm a weather geek, I already have 11 weather URLs bookmarked (found a great new one just yesterday)🤣☃️
I haven't heard from sister again so I suspect she's gone in. She has always been one of those people who puts in hours and hours of unpaid overtime because she can't leave a task undone. Not only is she ridiculously over committed she's so irrationally afraid to lose her job and be retired.
The cold arrived here sometime over night and the wind is really scouring my street, no doubt it's nasty as heck out of town. Fingers crossed that the dire predictions of snowfall amounts don't pan out.
The television always seemed to be on Family Feud. Some of the questions and answers on that show are crazy.
I was watching it a little while ago and the question was, “What place do you hate to go but it would be more tolerable if you smoked pot first?” They had various answers and then the family playing said, “Church, Steve.” LOL 😆 Steve Harvey said, “You can’t say that!” Guess what? Yep, sure enough ‘church’ was on the board!
I wonder what some of the older people think about some of those questions and answers on Family Feud.
I saw some funny sights in the nursing home in the television viewing room.
These two older ladies were seated next to each other and one of them was bugging the other one and one of the old ladies turned to me and said, “Honey, could you please push my wheelchair far away from her because she is driving me nuts! LOL
So, I pushed her to the opposite side of the room. I felt like I was separating two children!
It reminded me of when my mom would sit in between my brother and I if we began to act up in church! My mom solved that issue!
I feel like a total klutz when I use my neti pot. I spill it all over me. 😆
I have awful allergies but rarely get colds. Hope you feel better soon.
I have to have my hot tea when I feel funky. I think it goes back to my childhood. My mother always made hot tea for us when we were sick.
Foot injuries or leg injuries are the worst! I had a tough time with my arm injury but I think people who have foot or leg injuries have it worse.
A woman that did physical therapy with me was struggling to do her exercises. She said that her doctor had her do surgery on both knees at the same time because he feared that she wouldn’t return after she did the first surgery. I felt really bad for her.
My husband has dealt with shoulder surgery on both shoulders. That’s painful too.
Hope you feel better soon, Gershun.
Just saw your message.
It wasn’t the last time it snowed here but it was the heaviest amount of snow that I have ever seen. Of course, compared to other places it wasn’t a lot of snow, but it was enough for us to build a snowman!
I’m glad that my dad didn’t listen to my mom about it being too cold for us to go out and play.
We bundled up and had a blast playing in the snow.
It rarely snows here. Even if there are only a few flurries we are amazed by it. The city shuts down because we don’t know how to drive in the snow. LOL 😆
Rain, that’s a different story. We get a fair amount of rainfall.
My favorite weather by far is California weather! Every time I visited there I fell in love with the weather and hated to come home to our humidity!
Our gut has so very much to do with our immune system and getting everything out can only help things reset. IMO
Thx everyone for all your support. I've never endured something that set me back so much as this fracture. Maybe it's my age. 61 isn't ancient but old enough I guess. I told hubs that Christmas is gonna be a slow one this year. I'm not moving fast for anything or anybody. No family get togethers to endure this year at least.
As I read instructions on EmergenC later, you are only to take one in a day.