Gershun Posted November 2016
General topics.
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Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
there's something strange about all the suffering we go through...
and the troubles we see our elderly LOs go through...
illness...suffering...
but --- i bet it all makes sense somehow.
life is beautiful.
and if we lived forever??? terrible. just think of how much destruction human beings do, with their life-span already.
and if we never had ill health??? although we don't like to admit, i think we would never appreciate good health.
what's the value in appreciation?
in death existing?
...some people believe "life is a test".
...some people have various religious, or non-religious beliefs, on how this all makes sense, or not.
(this = life/suffering/etc.)
hugs from me!!!!
and courage.
i bet, it all somehow makes sense.
today i thought about “survivor’s guilt”. I think it might apply to some of us.
i mean this:
since we’re kind/empathetic, we can feel very depressed/sad for our frail/elderly LOs who’re having a very hard time.
this depression, in turn, might lead to your own self-neglect, self-sabotage, self-defeating behavior.
in other words, kind of like “survivor’s guilt”. some people might feel (they shouldn’t) “guilt”, for being so healthy/full life ahead, while their elderly LOs are sick.
because of this (incorrect) “guilty” feeling, you might not take good care of yourself; almost punishing yourself; almost on purpose making yourself sick, so that you too are sick; “now it’s more balanced” (both you and your elderly LOs are suffering).
i’m absolutely not suggesting everyone (who is empathetic/kind to their elderly LOs) is doing this.
i think some people may be doing this. a kind of self-sabotage: like “i won’t allow myself to be happy, since my elderly parents are so unhappy, suffering.”
BUT:
i think it’s very important to keep in mind:
that (although there are exceptions, of course!), many of our elderly LOs had a FULL, GREAT life.
give yourself permission to be happy, blossom, live a full life, even if your elderly LOs are suffering.
hug!!!!
snowing right now…1st day of spring.
i’m wrapped up in warm blankets.
goodnight everyone :)
brrrrr.
bundle of joy :)
FLANDERS & SWANN
A Song Of The Weather Lyrics
January brings the snow, Makes your feet and fingers glow.
February's ice and sleet, Freeze the toes right off your feet.
Welcome, March, with wint'ry wind, Would thou were not so unkind.
April brings the sweet spring showers, On and on for hours and hours.
Farmers fear unkindly May, Frost by night and hail by day.
June just rains and never stops, Thirty days and spoils the crops.
In July the sun is hot, Is it shining? No it's not!
August, cold and dank and wet, Brings more rain than any yet.
Bleak September's mist and mud, Is enough to chill the blood.
Then October adds a gale, Wind and slush and rain and hail.
Dark November brings the fog, Should not do it to a dog.
Freezing wet December, then... Bloody January again!
my message down below (typo, i wrote “deceasing stress”).
but i meant of course:
“decreasing stress, being doubly kind to yourself”.
:)
1st day of spring! :)
i did a lot of spring cleaning (literally + metaphorically (my mind/etc.)).
———
here, spring still means lots of snow…
me:
will it be hold, cold, sunny or rainy today?
spring:
yes.
“deceasing stress”
typo. i hadn’t noticed.
but - that’s even better:
go kill stress! :)
Thanks for mentioning the car insurance again. I am going to need to look into mine even closer now. Because they sent a letter, saying the Mileage Report form was enclosed, but it wasn't. Costco has another carrier, and they never asked me what the mileage was. Still waiting for the form.
Most insurance companies prior to this have asked. But now they ask me to estimate mileage per year. Well, how are they going to prove (ie: the value of my car by mileage used over the years) if they have no record of documented mileage since 2015?
When I had the oil changed, the mechanic put down the wrong mileage. I was using this to estimate my yearly mileage used. Oops.
'found that I wayyy overpaid car insurance for the last two years."
It's interesting that you discovered that. I did as well, once the fog of caregiving began to lift and I had more time to assess various aspects of my life.
Some years ago I found really good insurance agent; we got along well, she was helpful in recommending carriers, one of whom was, as she put it, partial to seniors. Prices were right, I switched carriers.
Over the years and a few what I considered claims (which were denied), I began to rethink the value of this carrier. Moving forward and checking other carriers, I found a cheaper, more reasonable carrier. So I switched, on the last day before the current insurance expired as I didn't feel like going through explanations on why I had no confidence any more in the carrier she selected.
Called at an odd time and left a message. When she returned the call, of course wanting to talk me out of switching, she also mentioned that she had several other carriers with good prices. So why didn't she mention that before I switched? I never called her back.
Just an observation: if someone tells you that a certain carrier is partial to seniors, still do all your comparison checking, but think seriously about whether or not this advice is really true.
...deceasing stress...
have an awesome sunday :).
1.
AND this message is to give warmth and beautiful (use imagination; your favorite colors) flowers, to everyone here helping their elderly LOs. (for people not so into flowers: here is fresh beer).
some people, on the contrary, receive totally undeserved screaming/blame/criticism, day in, day out.
wash it out of your mind.
and replace with here:
warmth and a huuge number of flowers.
hug!
2.
AND here is double the warmth + flowers, as soon as you manage to also rescue your own life (deceasing stress, being doubly kind to yourself, because your ‘self-care cup’ needs double filling).
:)
bundle of joy :)
on my mind?
POSITIVE:
i say it just about daily directly to them:
i have - fantastic - caregivers. so lucky.
as we all know, while caring for our elderly LOs, it's an unfortunate rollercoaster:
emergency/calm/peace/emergency/calm, etc.
the caregivers have now gone through a few emergencies, together with my LOs and i. they have been amazing. and they sincerely, genuinely, care.
NEGATIVE:
i notice physical symptoms from stress. i promise to be more careful of my body/mind/soul/heart, everything.
i wish us well!! :) :) :) :)
bundle of joy :)
Something is fishy....
CNA agrees to become In Home Service Provider,
but darn, not a CNA, and no driver's license to drive her to the store..
maybe a criminal.
Patient had broken her foot, and barely healing.
New CNA, (not a CNA) helps patient to move her bed, and headboard falls on
broken foot.
This is (can't be) happening, but yes, it is a full moon @ 98.6% full.
Got to, just need to keep out of this toxic chaos.
Enjoyed my time on the beach cams.
Same thing happens with people venturing out on the ice over ponds and rivers, maybe you could do it years ago but with climate change we just can't reliably trust that it's thick enough in this area any more.
Sounds like people that want daring selfies and fall over cliffs. How many have died out of the millions that have done it? Had it happened before it became a "thing" it might not have become a "thing".
Just wow!
I have to admit, I have never had any desire for this type of adrenal rush though, so I would never get it.