My grandmother is severely obsessed with food and money.

My late mother was totally materialistic and "whatever will the neighbours think". I'm totally the opposite and I'm sure she'd roll over if she peeked into the life I've been building the past 3 years on a couple of acres in the middle of nowhere.

Tiny dilapidated cottage now renovated - wood stove and generator installed -, raised veg beds greenhouse and chicken coop/run built mostly out of reclaimed materials. My truck is 9 years old and getting a bit of rust but starts and goes like a bomb.

I've shopped at thrift stores and yard sales for 30 some years, not above picking something up off the side of the road and my decorating style is a cross between early attic and late cellar lol.

This year I'll be growing a large garden, keeping meat chickens and learning to can. I think I'm turning into Granny Clampett (from the Beverly Hillbillys!). Just me, my 2 rescue dogs and 4 cats, peace and quiet, surrounded by fields and forests. My little piece of heaven.

Jesse, very insightful observation about the Disposable Generation. And of course retailers and manufacturers are the primary beneficiaries - keeps their revenue and profits up if people buy what they don't need just because it's stylish.

I think that's also another aspect of Depression Era saving that's easily missed by critics of parents' saving (not hoarding, but saving and reusing) - what they saved could be reused. Much of the consumer products today are cheaply made and don't last that long in the first place.

I've been wondering what the next kitchen appliance gimmicks will be after the stainless steel appliance fad loses interest for people who have to have the latest.

And think of all the electronic waste (the "e-junk" better known as "e-waste") that's generated because of the perceived need to continually upgrade. Our older land line phones lasted for years, but now people upgrade when a new iPhone version comes out. Is it really necessary to have more bells and whistles? How much does that really add to one's life?

Has anyone ever seen those piles of e-junk in emerging market countries? Google "e-waste, emerging market countries" and read the third article:

ncbi.nlm.nih/pmc/articles/PMC3908467/
ncbi.nlm.nih/pmc/articles/PMC3908467/

Assuming part of the URL will be deleted by filters, the article is an academic and somewhat scientific analysis of the problems created by e-waste, including those caused by the toxic components in computers.

What I think is so totally lacking about this obsession with materialism is exactly that - the obsession, and the lack of a foundation of values.

I'm heartened though whenever I read of someone, especially a young person, devoting his or her life to helping others, creating a business that provides sustainable goods, and engaging in activity reflecting real values that deserve respect.

I just thought of something. Hoarding is a fairly common thing in Depression era people. It comes from buying too many things and not being able to get rid of anything. Maybe living through the Depression, WWII, and then the Age of Prosperity reinforced both spending and keeping.

Young people coming up now seem to learned only about spending. It's the "Made in China" generations, where everything is disposable. Technology, IKEA furniture, Chinese accessories -- everything built to be disposable. IKEA isn't made in China, but it is along the same line. Our parents often ended up with a cluttered house. Our children may be just the opposite -- having nothing material at the ends of their lives. It would be interesting to see if that happens, but of course, most of us won't be here... and if we are, we won't remember that we were interested in finding out.

For someone who's actually lived through the Depression, they can be haunted for the rest of their lives. If people today had to stand in bread lines, save aluminum foil and twine because they never knew if they could afford to buy it again, that kind of thrift is justified.

Imagine what it would be like to live through the winter in unheated houses because the father was unemployed and there was no coal for the furnace. You heated up bricks on a wood stove to put in bed to warm it up.

To think that this could never happen again might seem commonplace, but there still are populations within the US that live in poverty all their lives. Drive through some of the back areas of Kentucky and see how poor these people are. Saving things isn't peculiar behavior for them - they're lucky they even have something to save.

Remember also that credit cards weren't in existence (first one introduced in 1946), people were out of work and the social nets now existing were lacking.
People today can spend at will and buy what they want, even if they don't need it. It's probably impossible for millions of people today to even conceive of the compromises people had to make, the embarrassment, cold, fear, anxiety and other unpleasant and unsettling experiences they suffered through just to survive.

I think anyone who survived the Depression and is frugal should be admired and respected.

Ashlynne makes good points as well; it's heartwarming to read about people who are living healthier lifestyles, not only for them but for the planet. Some of the people I know from gardening forums raise their own hens for eggs, plant most if not all of their own vegetables, can, rarely buy product or fruit from the store; some grow their own wheat, grind it and make their own bread. One I know has sheep, shears and cards their wool, spins it into yarn and knits for her family. No hopping in the car and going to Macy's or someplace else to spend a fortune just for a sweater.

Better step off my soapbox before I really get wound up.

Something I've discovered in my mother is that she always reverts to how it was when she was growing up. For example, she put a freezer in the dining room. I couldn't figure that one out until I remembered that her parents had one in their dining room. BTW, my mother's freezer ended up collapsing their wood floor -- not so good an idea. My mother bought big furniture, instead of furniture that was the right size for the room. Again, just like her parents. The food she likes is the food her mother used to make. It is almost like her life is intended to recreate what it was like growing up.

Our depression era parents may have also lived in the Age of Prosperity, but if they grew up during the Depression, then chances are the lifestyle of that time will be what they fall back on. It is definitely what I've seen for my parents.

Aren't we always being told to reduce, reuse and recycle?

My IL always washed and reused plastic baggies,, and so hubs was iin that habit too, and I must say I tend to reuse the ones that are only "crummy" or such.... and the heavy duty duty freezer ones. But we try to be green so I use that as my excuse...LOL

Interesting subject. With sky rocketing prices and a desire for a simpler and healthier lifestyle, people all over the world are getting back to some of the old ways ... some, as in growing a garden, canning, thrift stores, yard sales,reusing and repurposing.

My parents both grew up in the Depression era and as adults became millionaires through my dad's hard work, frugality and investments. On a visit to their house several years ago I was taking a shower in their guest bathroom and noticed the shower curtain plastic liner had been repaired with duct tape! A shower curtain liner costs what, about $5? But yeah, my dad was thrifty! Then there was his habit of re-using zip-lock bags. He would wash them in the sink and shake out the water and put them back in the drawer for later use. Then my parents proudly told me how they would go to a restaurant and order one cheap meal to share. It would cost about $3 each. My dad would drive an extra 20 miles to buy gas a penny or two cheaper...and I would think: where is the rationality in that?? Does he not know that driving those 20 miles uses gas that he wouldn't have otherwise had to use? Apparently not. He would use the same towel for a month or so before giving it a spin in the washer. I can think of countless examples of how money was an issue to them, almost an obsession with penny pinching. It's like they don't understand that the purpose of money is to buy yourself some comfort and convenience. Maybe a little happiness! There were many times I would have to remind my mom "Newsflash Mom, the Depression is over!!" She would laugh and continue doing the exact same things she always did...it got to the point of when she would pull something out of the freezer to use I would ask her "What vintage is this?" She would say it was only a year or so old. On one of our visits to see them she told me, hey come for lunch tomorrow for tacos. I have some ground beef in the freezer I need to get rid of. My thought was: How appetizing!! And I feel so special that you want to "get rid of" your old freezer burned meat by getting me and my husband and kids to eat it! I have to say that was a little insulting, although I don't think she meant it that way. But it is sad that money becomes such an obsession for some older people. Then there's the regifting...don't get me started!! LOL

My 90-yo mom is somewhat like what Jocelyn has described, though not to the extent that there are bad smells in the house due to hygiene/food issues... although we did have some bad chemical smells inside some of the kitchen and bath cabinets and in the garage.. but one night last fall while Mom was asleep I loaded their decades-old, smelly household chemical bottles/cans into my vehicle to be taken to the community's annual hazardous waste drive the following morning. (Actually had to do the same thing at my own home last year, too. The years go by fast, don't they?)

Anyway, for years and years Mom would tell me how she was having to go to the grocery stores almost every day of the week. I couldn't figure out why, and she couldn't explain it. When I started caring for my parents in their home it became clear: Mom has an almost uncontrollable urge to respond to sale ads in the local newspaper for her grocery and household items.

The problem, as you can guess, is that no thought is being put into whether or not responding to a one or two-day sale ad for just ONE little item, often where the store may have only a few (or none) in stock is worth the time, inconvenience, and gasoline/mileage. Sometimes the stores are 10 or 15 miles away, round trip.

I used to feel guilty for whining about having to go pick up a bottle of catsup or a package of batteries being advertised at a special price, sometimes at a store we don't even normally shop at. The days are already busy enough. But I have slowly found ways to get around most of the problem and yet accomplish what Mom REALLY wants: to save money.

First, there is this one particular store I hated going to that runs sales ads what seems like constantly. I hate going there because of having to argue with the checkout clerks over the special-sticker price advertised in the aisle versus the full price that comes up on the computer at checkout (even after I've already given them my rewards card) and then often having to also wait for a manager to come up and make the price correction.

Over the past two years I've found ways around having to shop at this particular store but still get as good of prices (or better) on all but one of the items we were shopping there for regularly. For example:

1) For incontinence products, towel paper, and TP, I was able to set up a recurring order on the Dollar General website. They currently offer free shipping and 5% off, plus various coupon deals. Now I don't have to go to that other store that I don't like and I also don't have to lug all that heavy stuff home. It's delivered right to our door, and Dollar General's brand is pretty cheap in the first place. I can't tell you the lift this has given me.

2) For food thickener, the issue had been that I preferred the other store's better than a well-known brand because it has less sodium (my dad has high BP). Recently though, I found that the CVS brand also has the same lower sodium content. And CVS, like Dollar General, allows you to set up a recurring order with free shipping, etc. (I just discovered this one last week, so I'm still a bit giddy over it.)

3) For disposable gloves and various skin-care products, I talked with our local pharmacy where Mom and Dad's prescription drugs have been purchased for years and where they know us well. They were willing to MATCH the other store's sale prices AND order for us in bulk. So now all I have to do is pick up a case of gloves, for example, maybe like every 5-6 months, and it costs about down to the penny what I would have paid ON SALE at the other store that I didn't like going to.

4) For disposable oral swabs (Dad uses swabs as a safer alternative to swishing his mouthwash and having it go down the wrong way), Amazon. Major price diff.


Mom is satisfied with the above, but her current beef is the number of tissues that Dad and I use. Neither Dad nor I tend to re-use a used tissue. We just throw them away after blowing our noses, whereas Mom places them next to her on the sofa or in bed and then later re-uses them, possibly multiple times. She has asked me to switch tissue brands like four times, still searching for the elusive perfect brand of tissues that we won't use as much of...because it will be harder to get the tissues out of the cardboard box, I guess.

It never seems to be enough. It doesn't matter how much money I have been able to save them over big-ticket stuff... like suggesting that she just re-paint the kitchen cabinet doors and get new pulls (about $2,000) instead of letting another family member talk her into replacing her entire kitchen cabinetry ($20,000 or more). Or that I was able to find a workaround to having to redo Dad's shower floor that had an entrance he couldn't step over, by simply turning his sliding shower seat into a sliding shower seat on wheels, thru putting rolling-walker wheels on the bottoms of the shower chair legs (they just happened to fit one inside the other!) and then placing two legs outside the step and the other two inside the step, so that a caregiver could slide him in.

I think also that some of this, besides the Depression-era aspect and the memory aspect, is that my mom actually enjoys thinking about scrimping on the small things like paper products.... and that perhaps some of this is just something to do with her free time. Unfortunately, I don't really share the enthusiasm when it affects me down to stuff like how I blow my nose and letting my Dad's mucus drip down to the carpet for lack of a tissue.

At this point, Mom is not able to consistently remember how much net worth they have and that they should never have to worry about money. We keep a list of their assets on a clipboard for her in her bedroom, but she tends to lose the clipboard or forget to look at it and then we have to go over it again with her. I'm currently thinking it may help her memory if SHE looks at the monthly/quarterly statements and makes a list herself... in her own handwriting. So we'll probably work on that this weekend.

It's hard. Sometimes I get frustrated over things like the above Kleenex issue, and then when I complain about her focusing on this kinda stuff instead of just enjoying the time we have together, I feel guilty. I've gotten into a habit of being on guard with myself so that when she starts talking, if the topic is a paper-products issue, I can remember to react by saying something like 'okay, whatever you want to do', instead of complaining back to her about her complaint. But once in a while I still slip up and complain about how ridiculous it is to worry so much about money when they have so much and have such a good income each year.

Today I slipped up..maybe because we were away from their home and I am not yet in that 'mode' away from their home. She started talking about switching to yet another tissue brand from yet another store (that has a cardboard box that makes it harder to get the tissues out once the box is only about half full), and I complained about her wanting me to scrimp on tissues... and then I felt guilty about complaining to her about her complaining, and of course apologized about 10 times for not being more understanding.

As usual though, I'm feeling uplifted after reading other people's stories. How fortunate we are to have others to lean on thru this site. How blessed I am to still have my wonderful parents alive and doing pretty well at age 90.

She is not capable of gardening. My father and my husband's parents both grow large gardens each year and usually give us more vegetables than we can manage. But this is not enough to my grandmother. She always wants more! If she visits my parents, she will sneak out to the garden to work in it, only to be followed up by an emergency trip to the ER later on that same day. She can't handle the activity. She has a-fib and they have exercised all options over the years to help her. She has diabetes, CHF, kidney failure (we are on the verge of having to begin routine dialysis), high blood pressure, acid reflux, etc. She's sick. She won't listen, yet she wants to live to be 100.she also has terrible anxiety and takes medication for it but still is easily fretted, particularly when you are tryingto care for her and it isnt what she wants to hear. I do not disclose prices to her. She just keeps guessing, obsessed over what she assumes the price would be. Ah... I'm just going to have to get creative.

Is she fit enough to help with a garden? I'd draw the line at killing squirrels but I sure wouldn't mind eating fresh lettuce and carrots, especially if some one else did much of the gardening. Do you have children who might like to grow a garden with great-grandma? Even if she could only be in charge of growing herbs indoors in pots that might give her a feeling of contribution.

I agree that she is very unlikely to change. Either realize that her behavior at buffets is no reflection on you and stop being embarrassed about it, or don't take her to buffets. Run your kitchen as you see fit, without arguing with her about it. Accept her as she is, but don't think she has the right to change you.

I think I would avoid telling her what things cost, and redirect the subject to something she might like to talk about. She wants to know what you paid for the new throw rugs: "I really was happy to find some without fringe that gets caught in the vacuum! Gramma, when you were a young bride, how did you clean your rugs?"

When she was in her 80s I took my mom to Penney's to buy new sheets. She had not purchased sheets in probably 40 years, having gotten them as gifts. She went into absolute sticker shock. I had all I could do to get her to go a step above the basic muslin. She certainly wouldn't go for the high-thread-count percale. In her case it wasn't so much about being thrifty but about being ignorant of current prices (or wages). I feel the same way when I am at a car dealership and see cars that cost 50% than I paid for my first suburban 3-bedroom house!

Jocelyn, do you remember studying about the Great Depression when you were in school?

People who lived through it developed many money-saving techniques *because they HAD to*. Many of that age group never let go of those habits, and the ones who did likely revert to them as theirs brains deteriorate. In addition, there were water shortages even in my lifetime where we were encouraged to conserve water by watering plants with bathwater and even using it to flush the toilet. Waste not, want not. They used to tell us to put a brick in the tank of the toilet to use less water. Now we have water saving toilets. We have water saving shower heads, we have water saving dishwashers and washing machines. These are all a result of the very real problem of water shortages. May your well never run dry.

Families of your grandmother's generation used to pass clothing down from one child to the other. Holes were patched, hems let down, seams let out.

May I suggest you pick your battles. Let her tell you how to do things and smile sweetly when she does. Let her wear her holey clothes around the house and save the "good" clothes for going out. Many people feel the same way at a buffet, eat until you get your money's worth. $6.00 was a good week's pay when she was a kid. It's all a matter of perspective.

Then there were the shortages and rationings of WW2. Victory gardens, reusing tin foil and wrapping paper. For a good idea of that era, watch The Waltons.

Toss the food when she's napping. A little at a time into black garbage bags so that she can't see into it. Eventually, she'll fixate on something else and this won't be a problem.

Bless you for taking your grandmother into your home, but never say never. You are one month into what can become a long journey. She's only 84.

She is not insane, she is a typical child of the Great Depression. In the 1930's starvation was common. In the 1940's there was wartime rationing. Read the history and you will fully understand her mindset. What they endured will never be forgotten.

Yes I can definitely relate to the stacked food in the cabinets, fridge, and freezer. I remember visiting once when I was a kid, and she had duct tape on her fridge door to keep it closed because it was too full to shut on its own. Good for your mother for not eating that pie since she's diabetic. My grandma is diabetic too but that does not stop her. We fuss and argue with her but she says ludicrous things to justify her actions and she just becomes filled with anxiety when she doesn't get her way. We make trips to the hospital a lot. She still doesn't understand it. She is also a hypochondriac and I am now convinced that she is not happy unless she has something to complain about health wise. She absolutely loves being in the hospital although shed never agree to that. But she seems her happiest when she's there. She despises the nursing home though so that will never be an option.

Your grandmother isn't going to change. This is the way she's always been and there's no changing her attitudes now so don't even try. All you can do is try to accept that this is the way she is and that you can run your household any way you see fit, grandma doesn't get a say in it.

I had to chuckle at what you wrote, because your grandmother sounds so much like my 88-yo mother. The big difference is my mother is not so concerned about saving money. She does have this major food hording thing. She hates it when I throw food out. She doesn't understand the concept of bacteria and food going bad. When I first got here, the kitchen cabinets were full and the counters were stacked to the ceiling with food. There were no table surfaces cleared. The freezers and refrigerator was bursting with food, some of it dating back 25 years! When I started trying to toss the old food, it was like I'd declared WWIII. Still, I stuck to what I knew had to be done and it ended up fine. One thing that was kind of funny was there was a sweet potato pie date 1990 in the freezer. She said, "Don't throw that away!! It's still good!!!" I asked her if she was going to eat it. No -- she's diabetic. Was Dad going to eat it? No -- he didn't like that type of pie. So I told her I certainly wasn't going to eat it, so plop into the trash it went. It is probably petrified somewhere in the landfill now. The rats probably wouldn't even eat the thing.

My mother had this fear of running out of food. She was morbidly obese during most of her adulthood until she was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Even after she lost weight, she fixated on food. They would have been probably been much wealthier if she had been able to stop buying all that food.

I found the best way to dispose of food is just to do it without consultation. I don't waste food, but know when the limits of safety are being pushed. I would rather be safe than sick by trying to save a slice of turkey. (Yes, we've been going through the great turkey throwaway this week.)