I moved my 83 year old mother to a dementia care unit on November 30. To my shock, surprise, and relief, she has adjusted very well. I am now in the process of cleaning out her home of 40 years with plans to rent it out. The money from renting it out plus her pension check will pay for her to continue living in the care unit.
I cannot describe the guilt I'm feeling. I've been throwing things away, taking things to charity, and with every carload I feel worse, worse, and am questioning my decision. I keep telling myself I'm doing the right thing. She was living all alone with progressive cognitive dementia, and now she is being cared for, taking her medicine appropriately, and eating healthy meals, but the guilt keeps growing. I know it doesn't make sense to try and bring her back home, but this is killing me. I just love her so much and I feel terrible dismantling a home she loved. Ugh.
It's been almost one year ago when I emptied out my parents house, and I still have some stuff piled up in one of the rooms in my home. Just dragging my feet getting the items to the donation site. Or maybe part of me just doesn't want to part with those things. I've gotten so lazy.
I drive by my late parents house almost daily as it is the only route out of the subdivision. It seems odd seeing different cars in the driveway. The Buyer has been busy doing major remodeling. I never grew up in that house, so I didn't have a major attachment. But one thing that can't get thrown away are the wonderful memories :)
I started the year off well. I cleaned out the kitchen and bathroom and made significant progress on the dinning room. I even hired a company to haul away a huge dumpster full of junk from the back yard. In February I hit an emotional wall. I was suddenly struck by the full on knowledge that my mom would not be returning to her house and that paralyzed me. I've really struggled to come to terms with this fact. The good news is that my mom is doing fabulous at the care center. According to her she's in charge, and cleans up, and keeps everyone in line. Lol! I love her main nurse. She goes above and beyond in so many ways and I am incredibly appreciative.
Soooo..... as for the house, I decided to give myself a break and start up again this fall. My original plan was to have it cleaned out by June. Ha! I finally allowed myself to accept that it doesn't have to happen overnight. That said, I really want to get done by the end of the year. I had lunch with a woman last month who shared that her parents passed 5 years ago and she STILL hasn't done a thing at their house! No way I'm going to take that long, but it did make me feel better.
Thanks so much for checking in. I appreciate it. :-)