Its a long story, but my Mother died of Stomach cancer.
I lived in a house in a 55 and over, I remarried and we bought a different house. My Dad and Mom got into financial difficulties I offered for them to come to where I live in another state and stay in my house free of charge. All they had to do was maintain the house. When I lived there the lady across the street had caused me a lot of grief. (Note what I just said) My sister would come for a visit and while my Mom was dying in the hospital this lady was always at the house. Note: My Mom was of sound mind. I did not know this at the time because I was at the hospital during the day and then my Dad would come for the evening. When my Mom Died my Dad gave me no time to grieve. My Mom died in Dec. my Dad started packing up everything of hers in the house or giving it away, we had the Celebration of life in Jan. (Which I had to handle organizing) He would just come and drop off pictures and I had to go through them by myself while he went back home. He did nothing. He wanted to take her Urn down to the club house several hours and leave it there with no one watching it, with a Gold Crucifix and rosary on it. So My husband went and sat down there with urn for hours. Which it was totally unnecessary to do that. Then as soon as the Celebration was over, it was time to get ready for the yard sale. I could not breath for one second, then it was bring out piles and piles of stuff and I had to do it all. He was there at the sale setting up and everything, and he collected all the money. Of Course that neighbor lady kept coming over. She would not leave and go home. This woman had a reputation in the park for going after every widow or single man in the park. My other neighbor was one of them, every time I would go over to check on him she would be knocking at the door and he would say don't answer it. Anyway after taking the left over stuff to a donation center, I told him I needed time. He did not let me breath. I just needed time. I guess his way was get rid of everything. Well several months passed and come to find out by Oct. he had started dating the women myself and my sister did not like. He knew I did not like her before the fact. My sister was upset with him and I was because this had all started while my Mom was sick, and that's why he wanted to clean everything out of house so he could move her in. Because his name was on the reverse mortgage I could do nothing. So we have told him she had no respect for us or our family so we really don't want anything to do with her. We explained to him he can have a relationship with us without us having to have a relationship with her. But he refused, he said no relationship with her no relationship with me. He just kept emailing the same thing over and over and so I had to cut him off because he would not stop. So I had to block him on , social media, email and phone. The last message I got from him was unblock me get over it. I am going to be 60 years old this week, an not my father or anybody else is going to tell me I have to like someone. It's his choice not to have a relationship with us. My Mom's Urn sat in the Livingroom of the house, and one day I went over to check on the house and I found out the lady did not like looking at it so he had to move it. Then my niece came in to pick up some dolls my mom had, she arrived Friday night, spent the day Saturday with this lady and my Dad (her Grandpa) only to get up Sunday Morning and find out that her Grandpa left and went back up to the other lady's house, her grandpa left a note. She came all the way from California to visit and he leaves. My Sister was in for major back reconstruction and he did not call, send flowers, a card, a note, a text, or an email. We almost lost her during that time twice, because of low blood pressure. Not a word from him. Because she did not accept his relationship, he had no concern for her. My life is so much easier now!
You made your choices and he made his. Everyone's an adult.
I also was wondering how Dad could get a reversed mortgage on your house?
I see ur point. You knew this woman prior and knew who she was. I can see Dads point too and both of you are stubborn. Would be nice if you could make a truce. That you meet somewhere for lunch, just u two, maybe sis too. If your 60 Dad has to be in his 80s? Men have a hard time without a spouse. Some just can't live alone,
It may also be easier for your Dad not to have to worry about the judgement of his children. It is my fervent hope for you that you go on without your Dad and his new friend, and thrive, and that he goes on without you and thrives as well. Life is far too short for bickering and anger and resentment to be the prime imperative. And certainly it does your Mom no honor as her wish for you both would likely be that you were happy and at peace.
I am quite confused about all of the stuff about your Dad moving stuff out of a house and being on the reverse mortgage while at the same time your saying, I thought, that he was in a house that you had offered free of charge because his financial difficulties had left them without asset? But I may have read too fast.
I am so very sorry for your loss of your Mom. It is a shame your father has not left her ashes with you or you and your sister, as they are important to you.
It seems you have a loving sister, and I hope a loving set of friends.
Do know that men often hook up very very quickly with another "friend". They don't do as well alone as women, who sometimes thrive on their own. It is more the norm than not. The new friend cannot be really a "gold digger" because from all you say about past financial difficulties there isn't a huge pit of gold to dig out.
Give yourself time to grieve. I hope very much that your Father honors your wishes to be left alone by him.
I wish you the very very best,and my heart goes out to you.
I don't think you can expect your father to 'beg' you or your sister to 'take him back' because he made a decision you disagree with, which I believe is what you DO expect of him. He made his choice, and now you have to stick by the choice you made, unless you decide to accept his new girlfriend. As hard as it may be to accept, your father is entitled to a new life now that his wife has passed away. She was your beloved mother, yes, but she was also his wife.
I remember when my father died; he was married to my mother for 68 years. The day after he died, she was packing up all of his belongings and stuffing them into large black trash bags, pretending she was donating 'her things' to Goodwill. Meanwhile, it was HIS THINGS on the bottom of the bag with her things on top! I was seriously angry at her, wondering what on earth she was up to? The next day, some old coot in a wheelchair wheeled up to her room at the Assisted Living Facility and asked her to go on a CRUISE with him. She was giggling and batting her eyelashes like a foolish schoolgirl. To say I was pissed off is a serious understatement. I wasn't taking HER feelings into consideration that day: that her husband of 68 years had died, that she was feeling all alone, and some guy was showing her attention for the first time & she was enjoying it. As a woman, not as a wife or a mother.
So I feel your pain for what your father chose to do; it feels disrespectful to your mother's memory that he took up with another woman so quickly after she passed. But you are losing HIM now too in your anger at this situation: ask yourself a question: is it worth it? I read something by Maya Angelou today online, that she wanted all of us to remember ALL the time. Here's what it said: "Every storm runs out of rain." Give YOUR storm a chance to run out of rain before you decide to 'disown' your father. Remember that he is entitled to have a happy life too, as hard as that may be to understand now that the loss of your mom is still so raw. Give your wound time to heal before you make any rash decisions. That is my advice to you, before you lose another parent whom you love.
I hope your sister recovers completely from her back surgery. And my deepest condolences over the loss of your dear mother.
Wishing you all the best of luck with some hard decisions you face.
Um. You can't really block a person on every medium and then criticize him for not getting in touch. But I'm sorry for your loss of your mother, and I'm sorry your father's been such a fool.