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My narcissist “mutha” had long term care insurance, so I hired people until she needed 2 people.
Then the insurance wouldn’t pay for 2, so she was placed in a swanky assisted living.
Her lawyer and probate judge sided with me over greedy family members angry I spent HER money on her.
Hiring and firing was work, but I wasn’t going to face anymore abuse from her.
I used “Pea pod” for groceries so I controlled the money and knew what was purchased.
One agency stole and I did not pay the final $7,000.00 bill. I mailed the police report with the invoice.
I never heard from them again.
I was there during hospice which lasted 3 days.
Its a thankless job and you are a wonderful daughter enduring this for so long.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
It will ruin your health over time.
Don’t allow these circumstances to steal your joy. You will find your smile once again if you concede to help. 💪🏼
Be well, sweet one~ 💜
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Just sending prayers and love to you. Hang in there.

Are you able to have help from an occasional Adult Day Care visit for her? Or, maybe a Nursing student to help once in a while?
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It gets worse when your parent passes, believe it or not. You think you will be relieved because you no longer have the responsibility to care for her and then you realize you are an orphan and the last person on Earth who loved you for yourself is now gone. Then you have to figure out what to do with yourself because you are the only one affected by whatever decisions you make. No one else cares. It's scary at first. If you work, keep at it for awhile to give yourself a schedule. If you don't have a social network, start working on one now because you can use all the friends you can get. With age comes the need to ask for help and hopefully there will be people who care enough about you to notice if you don't show up. It's also a time to start over, start full-filling some dreams, start checking off that bucket list. That can be exhilarating. How you deal with aging is up to you.
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I feel you! Hope you get to find meaning in life.
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I can totally relate. I took care of my mom for 20 years until she passed away. Immediately, I have been taking care of my brother who has no other family. I am so burned out. I have my own health issues that I can't address because there is always something with him. I work full-time too.

I love helping him but I really need some time to take care of myself. I am not married and don't have any children. It sure is a lonely place to be!
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My dad is 87 years old and still very strong. I’ve had him for three years and although he is easy going and very pleasant, today I had to talk to him about us finding him an unassisted living for senior citizens. I’m 47 years old, single, I have adult children and I’m retired from the military…..I did not expect to be doing what I’m doing which is living in depression. I walk in my home and the tv is on 24/7 from either the living room or my dad’s room. He is comfortable and just figured I suppose that he’d live with me until he dies, but today I made the decision to change our lives, I hope for the best. He has a care provider who will be with him 4 hours a day, I’ll still take him out shopping, breakfast, etc….but I need my home back, I need my autonomy, my privacy, my peace…..I pray God isn’t angry with me. I know it’s hard getting old, but I wish he would have made some wise decisions that would’ve helped him later in life instead of me having to pick up all the pieces for over 10 years now…..I’ve been paying his bills, ensuring that he has a clean and affordable living situations while in San Diego and in Texas…while women took advantage of him and him not having groceries, I would have to take care of my own household and his….he squandered away 10’s of thousands of dollars and I just continued to help him the best I knew how. I know as children we’re responsible, but it’s really really hard and I feel like there’s been a burden lifted. He’s not too happy, but he’s not angry….he’s probably more hurt than anything.
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Come on, you still have a long way to go. By the time you reach the non-return point, you should have enjoyed such a wonderful life, that you won't mind leaving this world. Stop those negative thoughts and begin right away to find ways to make your life more interesting. Now, if you suffer from depression, visit a mental health provider to help you to get rid of it. To be honest, we all start to die the moment we are born. If we worry too much about death, we will never achieve anything in life, and it would have been better not to have been born in the first place. But since you cannot return to your mother's womb, your only choice is to make your life interesting. Billions of people in the world do it. Incidentally, I'm 89 years old and don't worry a bit about how I'm going to die. I still look for challenges to make the remanent part of my life interesting and enjoyable. I'm studying music on my own, I thought myself to play the keyboard and also practice the guitar. I don't care how I will die, I only care how I live each day.
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Whether you subscribe to cognitive mental therapies or behavioral therapies, or a bit of both like dialectical behavior therapy... they have some commonalities. You could adopt some of the strategies for yourself. They're easy to find online if you're interested.

Make sure you're taking care of yourself, too, while you go about giving your mom the best care you can. I suggest a self-care checklist, and to find any way you can to get more active in things you enjoy, and practice mindfulness/mediation to gain acceptance of things -- including your own feelings of apathy.

Just my thoughts. It's ok to vent, too. We all need it sometimes.

"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative." https://youtu.be/5Qk9o_ZeR7s
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I totally understand. I live 1400 miles away from my Mom and go back to her home every 8 weeks. My Mom is 91. I have no siblings. I now hire someone to come in 5 hours a day. She has macular and her sight is not good. When I go home she is nasty to me a lot. She never wants me to see friends. I grew up where she is. My Dad died at 62. I feel like I aged 10 years when I return from her. Last year I spent 80 days there. I am 62 and my husband is 71 and we have no children. I feel guilty about wanting to enjoy my life before it is too late. Daily I get calls on what to do toward her care. There is a 2 hour time difference- I never feel like I have a free morning. When she had health issues I was caught in a company buyout and never went back to work. I lost a lot of $$ over the last 7 years and I have resentment because of that. I feel depressed and feel like I am selfish. I have always taken care of my Mom. She has never done without anything. Thank you for listening and I understand.
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