Hello everyone, I first want to thank you for all your support and love. Things are the same regarding my brother and his family.
Blocked phone numbers. He stopped any conversation with my cousin. I have been really good about letting go but then i found out that he has a townhouse right next to his daughter in Nashville. He is now a mailman. Yet they drive almost every weekend to cut grass. Sure is a lot of gas to cut grass. The house is off the market. But that’s not what’s really going on. I have had a lot of tears during a moment that I should be very happy and grateful which I am, on October 30 th i celebrated 6 years of sobriety. Everyone talked about my growth and how proud they were of me. In fact, a girl i just met got me a special coin and talked about how I have already changed her life. Well, my husband as you know is depressed and he is now going to therapy and going on medication. Well he has been very passive aggressive and short with me. Yes I was late from a meeting but there was no time we had set. So I get the pouting and I don’t love him or want to be with him. Then when we went to dinner to i asked him if he resented aa. He said he resents that I have to go there because it reminds him i am a drunk. This is off topic for a second. But I discovered this couple we used to be so close to (and I stoled his friend) have separated. They were married 31 years. He was lees partner when he started at the sheriff department. They both retired last year. He was a pastor so he lost that his house and his wife. So back on track. Last night I asked lee if I was an embarrassment that I was a recovering alcoholic. He said yes plus if I didn’t go to aa it wouldn’t be a reminder of me being an alcoholic . That really hurt. So? We got home he took two pieces of aluminum foil and separate them. He said look at this one as a life. Straight no creases. Now look at the other one all smoosh up. It has alcohol eating disorder and major illness. Which one would you want . I said there was no alcohol , eating disorder or illness in Barbie and Brian and there piece of foil is ripped apart. Everyone deals with something. But he said that isn’t us. It’s no one. He then hug me but I was hurt then he said when I told him about Brian and Barbie he was going to say that could be you. But he decided not to say anything. But yet he still did. I don’t know what to do, then in aa I have two meetings a month as gsr and I open the club on Monday. Even if his day off was Monday i would be home at the same time as usual. I am tired of crying, he said now you know what I went through. My friend said love him through it. Another said see if there’s any cho. Yet she thinks he controls me anyway. Thank you again for all your love and support.
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First of all, congrats on the six years of sobriety! That is a wonderful accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself. 👍🏻
Your spouse should support you wholeheartedly and in no way make you feel any shame whatsoever. Alcoholism is a verified disease. People need to get over feeling any shame of a partner with any disease. The stigma needs to end.
There is enough pressure to stay sober without having those close to you add to it. No one has the right to add to that struggle. I don’t blame you for being hurt. Alcoholics should not feel shame. No one chooses to become an alcoholic on purpose.
Do you have a sponsor in AA? Ask them how others in AA have handled these situations. Bring up the topic in a meeting. I bet others can share a lot of wisdom through their own experiences.
You deserve to have compassion and complete support.
Does your meeting hold closed meetings or do they also have open meetings on occasion? If they do, invite your spouse to hear from everyone how hard everyone works to remain sober, how others offer encouragement, how their is no shame placed on anyone, etc.
Is there a support group for him to attend as a spouse of an alcoholic? Then he could explain his feelings to others in the same situation and see how they moved past it.
I have a good friend who is divorced now because his wife refused to acknowledge that he was an alcoholic. I didn’t know for a very long time that he had a drinking problem because she forced him to hide it. I felt horrible for him. He ended up leaving her because he needed to go to meetings daily to beat his problem and she kept bullying him.
I am not saying your spouse will do this but it does happen sometimes and it became too much for him. When he invited her to his ‘open’ meetings for families, she wouldn’t go. She told him that she was too embarrassed to go and that was the last straw for him.
Please let us know how you are doing. We want to celebrate 🎉 all of your anniversaries with you! It’s wonderful to hear your good news
Take care and God bless you 💗.