Hi AC Forum,
I feel like I run the gamut of emotions on a weekly basis. I think that is a difficult side of this caregiving. Not being able to fully satisfy - or not being able to satisfy for what should be a normnal period of time. And on the same token know that each day you go down this path you just running to the finish line.
It's the craziest and horrible life as I am not able to live my life, yet I have a hard time thinking of my mom living with less. Also not being the face of which she says to at first seeing her and asking her how she is, "Better now that I see you!" Knowing that you are the comfort in their sight. Yet what it takes from one feels enormous - emotionally, monetarily, physically.
How are you doing?
LastOne
Sorry to hear of your plight. I'm concerned about the abuse, even though it's verbal at this point. With dementia & ALZ there is always the chance, down the road, there may be a physical confrontation. First & foremost you have to keep yourself safe.
Your husband, & you, should have an experienced & knowledgeable medical team, with compassion for you both. The team may consist of a neurologist, a psychiatrist & a social worker. They are there to support your husband & you on this "new normal." If your husband is suffering from depression & you share any kind of abuse the doctors may suggest that medications be introduced. A social worker should be able to advise you of resources that are available in your state & county; agencies, day programs, seminars, support groups. These are tools you will need to educate yourself & to give you the support you will need as his caregiver. It sounds like everyone isn't on board right now & things will get worse due to the progression of ALZ.
As a caregiver to my brother we both struggled with his anger & depression from day 1 of his diagnosis. True words were spoken, "You can't win battles so don't try," an other, "Less is better." Both meant the same thing, don't give ammunition to angry outbursts. It takes getting used to but try & ignore them, change the subject, "What a beautiful bird out there!" You do learn to grasp at anything to diffuse anger & that it's ok to fib. I learned to listen to my brother, reasoning & my tears were useless, saved for myself.
Educate yourself, be focused & stay strong. Take care of you as well. This forum is great. The Alzheimer's Association, available 24/7, is also excellent. Love & Caring = A Win!
Blessings 🌸
Erinm60, yes, I am able to hold his hand, stroke his back, curl up in bed with him. He's up today. Gets up, walks to the table, eats, and goes back to bed but at least he is no longer bedridden. At least, not for now. We started this journey about 5 years ago but the really hard part (incontinence and difficulty communicating) only started about a year ago, although it seems like 10. I plan to keep him home as long as I possibly can, though.
Sorry. Reminisce your wonderful memories during this sad time. Your love & commitment, along with prayers & faith, will get you thru. Blessings
I am glad to hear your husband is up & about! Your love & caring has made a difference, know that.
Others may offer advice on our loved ones care; telling us to relinquish our role or consider placing. Maybe even giving us sadder news. Those others, even though their intents may be good, are not in our shoes. Making tough decisions are personal ones. We know our loved ones & ourselves.
As caregivers we may harp on all the doom & gloom we face, yukky stuff we hate, behavior challenges 24/7, but we don't give ourselves credit, pats on our backs.
Often I question why I took this role on, "What was I thinking," I ask? I question choices & decisions. Yet I know I've made a difference for my brother in this fight with ALZ.
Caregivers your love & caring makes a difference, but, all you do matters all the time.
Blessings 🌸
Well, I am coping by having signed up for culinary school and am busy with cooking! So I focus on the doing and the cleaning up
and serving my son! (Sometimes he doesn't eat what I cook so pizza wins out! But that's young adults for you!) However, some days it's not all a bed of roses- but I thought it would be helpful to others to throw out this idea or even some other hobby helps. I also find animals help too, horses and dogs.