Hi AC Forum,
I feel like I run the gamut of emotions on a weekly basis. I think that is a difficult side of this caregiving. Not being able to fully satisfy - or not being able to satisfy for what should be a normnal period of time. And on the same token know that each day you go down this path you just running to the finish line.
It's the craziest and horrible life as I am not able to live my life, yet I have a hard time thinking of my mom living with less. Also not being the face of which she says to at first seeing her and asking her how she is, "Better now that I see you!" Knowing that you are the comfort in their sight. Yet what it takes from one feels enormous - emotionally, monetarily, physically.
How are you doing?
LastOne
And I can't help but wonder what do we end up becoming after such deeply traumatic experiences?
At the end, or maybe before the end, what happens to people like us? Do we barely survive and live whatever life we have left with a heavy baggage that no one that's not gone through this can understand and therefore we end up feeling isolated forever? or have we abused so much our minds and body that we do not even survive for long?
Are we still functioning human beings after this is what I wonder.
And then maybe history repeats itself as someone else is burdened with having to care for us!
How to break this cycle is what I don't understand. The only lifesaver is better planning for the future. I'm sure most of our loved ones did not want this life for us, nor for them; did not want to be the reason for our unhappiness. And I'm sure most of us did never imagine resenting our loved ones for, in a way, stealing our lives from us.
I feel that when we think about these general and fundamental truths we realize life isn't meant to be like this, yet it seems to be the only way for us. But it is worth it to take an step back and look at the situation again, trying to find a different angle, and maybe and just maybe we may find a little window for a change and normality that starts breaking this cycle!
Sorry to not exactly have responded to the question but reading all our answers I realized there is a great illogical side to the way we are living what to us seems to be our only path! Hence, worth to take a deep breath, close our eyes and look at the situation again with a fresh set of eyes. We might find a little light that helps us brighten up our way!
May God bless us all!!
*HUGS* I am here for you. I can't imagine going through that one. If Mom did that, I hate to say but I would not even know it, I would be asleep next door. That is another reason an inlaw unit is a lifesaver for me. If I had to be in the same space 24/7, I would surely be ready for the men in the white coats to get me with their butterfly nets by now! I can barely take a couple hours truth be told! I just keep an eye on her and make sure she is safe and has what she needs and all medical issues are tended to. It's too hard spending lots of time with her because it isn't even her anymore! It's a childlike facsimile of Mom. It is heartbreaking to watch and then I feel awful for having those thoughts and feelings. I am here.
So, Grumpy cheers to you, and god bless you. I 100% ABSOLUTELY agree, and love your post.
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I sure would NEVER regret, nor would i want to change anything and i do not,
nor do i bemoan.
Even when i as you said 'dance" with your parent,and or just take them (weekly)few x a week out for a ride, on a bright clear-sunny blue skies day, they love it! We joke, talk,laugh and we stay positive. I motivate them regularly to remain focus/positive,and smile as much as feasible.
We love our days together.Then at night, i go out for them to get dinner.Or help mom cook and we love that.Joke some more.Plan for a trip the next day,or a short day trip in town. The folks,and i are going on a trip for a few days or 1 week to my home state.(But i am enjoying/LOVE NC)But i am glad we are going to where we are all from,to see 1 of my daughters'her beautiful new child and have a wonderful trip, road trip.DAD always love to drive, but since his light to mild stroke, he has not drove yet, (only a short distance 1 and a 1/2 block to the local store,but he loved that! Mommie was in the car with him,and i followed in my car close by.He was having so much fun.We all loved it.He has improved almost a year since the scary fall/light to mild stroke, early 80s doing well again (just his hand still get cold psychologically that is)the dr.said,not really cold.but again he feel it is cold.We hope this side affect preclude.But, i don't regret NADA...(nothing)Daddy doing well again,and mommie is still fine, praise the lord.
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So GRUMPY i agree.
Not judging any one here, but some post i feel they are bemoaning so much(i think that's sad)but i do not judge no one, however, i am not like that. I love your post,and i am glad i came across your post....Love it. Adios! and GRUMPY bless your dear loved one, your parent, and god BLESS you. Hugs and Blessings.
Adios.
I am so sorry you are going through so much. It is sweet that you still want to do something special for your husband on Thanksgiving. In spite of all the challenges, the caring heart is there. That is great.
The whole thing at the restaurant is one of those crazy, not cute things that can happen to a caregiver. You really did a great job with it. Part of me is glad you went into detail because it reminds me I'm not alone in dealing with certain things and that some people have done far more than I have had to do.
Solutions: Perhaps you can look for agencies that help low income, disabled, etc. households with some of the expenses you mentioned: Catholic Charities (transportation and other things), Habitat for Hunanity (they do home improvements), etc. There are some organizations that do car repairs for free and others that give away reliable vehicles. Also if you belong to a local church, have you asked them for any help? And is there a large church near you that may have some resources? The other thing that comes to mind is one of the Christian radio stations in my area (Dallas/Fort Worth TX) has something at Christmas where people write wishes for needy families so other people can grant them. I know it probably feels weird to nominate yourself, but I think it would be understandable and in order in your case. I hope this gives you some helpful ideas.
I just prayed for you and your hubby. Take care! *hug*
I was met with;
1) defensive behavior and insurmountable questions
2) medicate him more - give him an ambien - knock him out at night
3) this situation is not about you, they should make the decision and I don’t think he wants to go
4) told they couldn’t help financially
5) told they couldn’t come help more because “they have families and their own personal matters to manage”
I am so hurt, angry and feel abused.
I’m not doing well today - I was so glad to see their families pack up and leave yesterday - after I had to host them in my home for three days.
I feel like packing my bags today, leaving for a week. Whatever might happen, oh well. Why should I care?
I truly understand how you feel. We just have to bite the bullet and keep it moving forward
Take a trip and get away for a few days. I finally got my daughter and younger brother to take turns staying with her so I could have a vacation. That was sooo relaxing. The realty was that after those four days I had to return to my grueling life again. What do I do on a daily basis? Cry and pray!
I found an affordable dementia daycare through the Council on Aging (nationwide; check out what’s available near you). It’s decently affordable so weekdays she goes there about 5 hours. It’s a key to sanity. I can clean, run errands and clear my head.
Next, I was trying to think of something I could do that would be creative and keep my brain cells going. I hadn’t played the flute since high school (over 40 years)!! I could barely play a note. The local music store was nearby; I signed up for flute lessons. After a few lessons teacher said I should think about joining the community band. I brought mom with me and I love it!! I found joy!! Thursdays mom gets 2 hours of music therapy and I found community! The band loves her; she colors and sits next to me as I play.
A band member gave her bongos. At home I’ll play songs on the flute and she accompanies me on bongos.
She has progressed in the dementia disease and KEY to keeping her at home has been finding a psychiatrist who understands dementia so her anger is kept under control.
She has lots of energy so daycare helps with some socialisation and activities while I get her to walk, color and active with music. This way she sleeps at night until we need to tweak those meds again.
All is not lost. I will be praying you find a unique creative solution for you!!!