Hi AC Forum,
I feel like I run the gamut of emotions on a weekly basis. I think that is a difficult side of this caregiving. Not being able to fully satisfy - or not being able to satisfy for what should be a normnal period of time. And on the same token know that each day you go down this path you just running to the finish line.
It's the craziest and horrible life as I am not able to live my life, yet I have a hard time thinking of my mom living with less. Also not being the face of which she says to at first seeing her and asking her how she is, "Better now that I see you!" Knowing that you are the comfort in their sight. Yet what it takes from one feels enormous - emotionally, monetarily, physically.
How are you doing?
LastOne
One day at a time
my sister that we would take turns and each would have her for six months. However, my sister does not care what she herself eats much less what my poor mom eats. So my mom went from 148 lbs to 137 lbs now that she returned to me. Her memory is worse now and she cannot walk far. I am thinking not to send her back with my sister, but I realize that my freedom will be over. Another sister who likes to take care of people offered to look after her if and when I decide to travel. She does not qualify for Medicaid because she has a pension plus social security and a small sum in the bank. She likes to socialize and my sister refused to have her go to a senior center. When she was here with me, I took her every day to a senior center. I am looking into taking her to a new center that caters to seniors with dementia at least three times a week. It is not easy. I feel overwhelmed. She will be 83 yo this year. Her mom lived to 85 yo.
Celmira9, what an awful situation! It does sound completely exhausting. I am not particularly knowledgeable regarding Medicaid issues at all but one thing I have seen frequently on this forum is the suggestion from experienced folks to consult an elder care/Medicaid expert lawyer (not just any old lawyer, or your lawyer who has handled other things for you in the past) regarding Medicaid eligibility. Apparently there are a few workarounds for too much income to qualify. I hope there is for your mom. God bless you both.
💕
I feel better, my husband feels better , and my mom did fine. Maybe the doom and gloom of being 24/7 can be alleviated by little breaks.
No, she does not have dementia, but she is definitely narcissistic. I have read everyone's comments on here and admire all of the selfless caregivers ... but I do not see myself being able to continue on with my mother. All she has said she wants is to be in her own home (3 hours away) and am afraid that may be the best, and hire in help for her. My worst fear is that I am being dragged down into depression and that she will live long enough for me to go downhill and we "die at the same time". This goes right along with her lifetime narcissistic personality, that I am just an extension of her, and her needing attention all the time, etc. etc. In her mind, I am just for the purpose of doing her bidding....
I know what you mean about not having friends, and limited interaction with family members. I think all of us do. Now that you have the time, friends have moved on and family members are too busy. Since you're having difficulty getting back into living, I highly recommend you post your situation in a separate thread so that more people will see and can give you their suggestions.
Here are some of mine. Not knowing how old you are, but I am guessing you're old enough to be a senior. You can check out the local senior centers near you. I have an aunt who LOVES to go to senior centers because of the many activities and classes that are provided there. She takes up drawing, plays ping pong, talks with other seniors, etc.
Also, check out Meetup.com. There are many groups that get together and do fun things. Check out and join whichever groups that interest you. People with similar interests get together to do things such as walking, hiking, going on a field trip, learn a new language, etc.
If you own a certain type of car and are a car lover, there are clubs for people who own many types of car makes. Just look up on the internet and you will find those clubs. A friend of mine owns a mini cooper and she joined a mini cooper club. They help fix each other's car. They go on trips across the country and have a lot of fun. And if you own a motorcycle, well, then you can join the Hell's Angels. Haha.
Also, if you have time and energy, adopt a dog from a shelter. Dogs are great companions. Save a dog's life and it will give you unconditional love for life.
Thanks for your kind responses. I don't quite feel entitled to be on here as my mom doesn't have dementia or require physical care... yet... but it's the "I'm the only one" aspect and although I work full-time (albeit out of home ), she seems to feel like all of my non-working time should be "playmate" time. And if it's like this now, without everything else like so many others are doing physically to care for their loved ones, I can't imagine what the future holds. Oh and Celmira, I so wish I could give you some of my extra 50#. You really really are going to need to put yourself first. You have value and are still very young, and I am right behind you age wise. And we and kbuser, we have a right to our lives and happiness. Take care of yourselves!
Mom seems to now be in the "preactive dying phase". After almost two days of being in and out of sleep and eating little then sleeping 18 hours straight, yesterday hospice brought a hospital bed which Sisters and I set up the living room. She could pass any time yet could still be here for a year! For her sake, we wish it was very soon. She's suffering even with 19 prescriptions. The anguish in her eyes is gut-wrenching.
I've got my car up for sale in preparation to leave for home. A lot of guilt. It's terrifying to me and guilt-producing to be working toward heading home when we have no idea how much time she has left. I've even told Sisters I'm rethinking leaving! I don't know what to do. There are so many times we have read on this forum: I wish I had a crystal ball.
We might outlive those we are caretaking, but in what shape? My dad lived to 100 yo. My sister took care of him and neglected herself. Now she is in need of a kidney. While taking care of him she ignored constant headaches. He did not have Alzheimer. She is in her 50s.