Hi AC Forum,
I feel like I run the gamut of emotions on a weekly basis. I think that is a difficult side of this caregiving. Not being able to fully satisfy - or not being able to satisfy for what should be a normnal period of time. And on the same token know that each day you go down this path you just running to the finish line.
It's the craziest and horrible life as I am not able to live my life, yet I have a hard time thinking of my mom living with less. Also not being the face of which she says to at first seeing her and asking her how she is, "Better now that I see you!" Knowing that you are the comfort in their sight. Yet what it takes from one feels enormous - emotionally, monetarily, physically.
How are you doing?
LastOne
Try and share love in the time left.
Find strength in the Lord.
Hug
So sorry to hear that.
You hang in there.
We will continue praying whatever the Lord wills.
Llamalover47
Just love her as much as possible. As I know you do.
you are a constant in my prayers.
My CareGiving got better for a bit this year. Hubby was hospitalized for a week for Major Depression. He was better when he got home and interested in things. Then he injured his knee a tiny bit and things started on a down hill slide again.
Two weeks ago he had a Bi-lateral Pulmonary Embolism both lungs had major blood clots.
ICU for two days and the doctors were amazed when they sent him home four days later.
They told him most people die with what he went through.
He doesn't believe he was lucky. Now he is on blood thinners and permanent oxygen. Major Depression has returned and he is very angry that he lived.
Breathing is a chore, eating is a chore, talking on the phone is a chore. He had made such great strides this summer and now ... Bam.
And his sister texts to tell me what I should do to make him happy. I deal with that by telling her 'no texts' 'no calls' and when she told me how distraught she was ...I told her to hop a plane and come see her brother and her mother.
OH. Nope.
My husband's mother has Alzheimer's and the dementia is moving right along with her as well as stage IV kidney disease. She has a legal Guardian.
Things I have done for myself. I schedule 3 times a week for CrossFit at the gym...I do that to coincide with getting some groceries.
My husband gets up with my help each day and stares out the window for an hour or so and looks rather unpleasant. I ask if he is in pain and he glowers at me. He is determined that there is nothing for him anymore. I have contacted his Psychiatrist and an appt is a while off.
I put hubby 'down' for his naps and go outside and do farm work.
It is getting hard to be pleasant and positive with him. Period.
I am going to ask him if he wants to talk with some Palliative Doctors at the VA where we go.
In the past 3 yrs he has had cancer, TIA, Major Depression, Stroke, more depression, and now the Pulmonary Emboli. He says he has had enough.
So how am I doing?
Some days I am sad. When I get outside I am better. I walk back into gloom and doom and wish to be back outside.
Physically I am stronger. Mentally I think I am prepared. But who knows?
It is no coincidence that you have found this site. I assure you that you will benefit greatly from this place. Many of us if not all of us are struggling right along with you. Just reading other posts, you may see that things could be worse, that others have it harder, or find answers to your own situation. But you will learn something from here. I know I have been so blessed since I found this site. There are some amazing people here going through struggles and hardships in this life, by taking care of their Loved Ones. I know this has been a very difficult journey for me. But the Lord is my strength and refuge. He gets me through, makes me stronger, and makes me more resilient to these struggles.
So hang in there. Pray often. And stick around you will feel better.
(HUG)
Llamalover47
And do join a local support group to help you grieve.
People here care about you.
Hugs, this is hard enough without dealing with a poor hospice facility.
Please.
we care.
God bless you and your family during this time and give you strength, courage and wisdom.
Happy New Year to you all, may it bring joy to your hearts.