Hi AC Forum,
I feel like I run the gamut of emotions on a weekly basis. I think that is a difficult side of this caregiving. Not being able to fully satisfy - or not being able to satisfy for what should be a normnal period of time. And on the same token know that each day you go down this path you just running to the finish line.
It's the craziest and horrible life as I am not able to live my life, yet I have a hard time thinking of my mom living with less. Also not being the face of which she says to at first seeing her and asking her how she is, "Better now that I see you!" Knowing that you are the comfort in their sight. Yet what it takes from one feels enormous - emotionally, monetarily, physically.
How are you doing?
LastOne
I have a cousin who is in his mid-70's; he and his wife sold their own single family home and moved into a 55+ community because it got to a point where he couldn't take care of 3 large yards any more, his own, his Mom's who was in her 90's and his Mom-in-law also in her 90's. The gals refused to move. That is so unfair.
In my area, most of the senior focused housing is in senior residences. The seniors pay a premium price though it does include meals, laundry services and the like. Appears to me that these developers view seniors as a way to make big money. A 55+ residence close to me sells units which start in the low $300,000s.
There certainly is a great need for apartments geared to seniors.
As much as my healthy, late-40s self yaps away on this site, I have a good chance of someday being on the butt-end of this stalemate. Our house is 85 years old and getting older. Steps galore -- inside and out. And winter every year, whether we like it or not. (We don't!) A few years ago, when sig other was laid-up for 8 weeks w/two major leg surgeries, we got a taste got of how unworkable this will be in our old age.
Me, I could give it up tomorrow. I do not identify with house-&-home things like so many women do. The upkeep and yardwork grate on me now. Taxes are highway robbery. I'm "young" enuf that we'll prob have to replace the d*mn furnace AGAIN before it's all over. A mile away is a senior-citizen hi-rise. Nothing fancy, but each unit has a balcony. Library next door. Bus stop at the front entrance. One block from major pharmacy chain, post office, bank and farmer's market. Three blocks from plaza with full-service grocery, gym, sub shop, casual dining, dollar store, liquor store, nail salon, SuperClips and K-mart. Where do I sign??!
But him. He's not sentimental, but he luvvvvs to do things the hard way. Annoying as the fix-its are at our house, he takes satisfaction in being capable. And if a repair or project took way too long, he wears it like a badge of honor. Also has our den, attic, basement & garage stuffed with his....stuff. Not exactly a hoarder, but he doesn't own one of anything. Some multiples are by design (many hobbies & outdoor pursuits). Some multiples are because is he is the most disorganized human on the planet. I really don't see him paring down.
It's a long-ish way off, but I will be very surprised if we resolve this before something unfortunate forces our hand. So I could very well be a AC Forum hypocrite in the making! It's complex. Will I be coerced into not "being myself".....or will he be coerced into not "being himself".....??? Food for thought.
You know, one thing I don't like about senior apartments is a lot of times they are high-rises. I wouldn't like living stacked like that, since I like a little space. I would gravitate toward the cottage style duplexes or quadriplexes built on slabs. Those are cool and sometimes you even have a little yard.
So sorry to hear about your wife. None of us can escape this stage in life, but we can help support one another and try and take care of ourselves knowing you did the best you can. I'm sure sh knows this and has been so lucky to have a wonderful husband like you. Yes, it's all difficult but we're here for you. Sending you Blessings at this difficult time for you. Please keep coming back here and let us know how you are doing.
I just read about Williams Syndrome and it fit so well with what you wrote about the music. Is he as sociable as what I was reading? I hope he can find new friends. I know your life is a challenge, trying to meet everyone's needs.