He does not remember where or how he fell. He thinks he fell out of bed at the hospital; other version: a man was carrying him, dropped him and fell on him and broke his hip. Neither is true. He fell transferring from a chair to his wheel chair, did not ask for help. He called atty. Atty. office sent questionnaire to wife who explained the situation to the atty. office, who told her, under the circumstances, just ignore the questionnaire; they would not consider this under the circumstances. Husband now upset with wife since form was not completed and has threatened wife that he will have a supoena serverd on her to force her to compltete the questionnaire.
Corinne
Giving hugs!
I know an elderly woman with dementia who is constantly writing to the newspaper and her state rep and calling attorneys, for one perceived injustice or another. At first, her son frantically tried to intercept or stop her letters and calls. He couldn't for the most part, and eventually discovered that he'd have to let those on the receiving end deal with his mom directly. We can't be completely responsible for our parents' behavior. Though they're of diminished capacity, they are still adults. We can only do our best.
The facts are people fall where ever they are: hospital, NH; home and it is nobody's fault.
Then, I would respond to his feelings anger, feeling helpless, fear etc. and ask how he would like to heal from this "horrible experience" and "move on" and how "we" can prevent future falls. The wife can emphasize that she is so relieved that he was not seriously injured and how much she cares about him.
This gentleman cannot be allowed to threaten his wife and she needs to set strong limits. If he is verbally threatening leave the room and say "I need some space." If he is violent, this is another issue and he needs further medical evaluation. The wife needs to seek more support for herself from family and community resources.
Grace
Another approach: Fill out the form, honestly. Send it in. (Perhaps attach a note referencing the phone conversation you had.) Let the attorney's office be the bad guys who drop the ball.
I hope other will have creative suggestions, too!
Good luck.