Husband's hearing loss is driving me batty!
Hubby is 63, has had about 75% hearing loss in his right ear due to an untreated infection many years ago. Now his left ear is getting bad--I find myself shouting at him all day. One of my kids said, the other day "Mom, why are you talking so loudly??" and I realize that it's because hubby cannot hear me when I use my "normal voice". He wears headphones when he watches TV to hear, so all other sound is blocked out. I have to find him to talk to him--I can't call out from another room. The kids will not leave the grandkids with him b/c he doesn't hear them. He also is kind of checked out, mentally, so he stopped "listening" to me years ago. This bothers me, but I have grown used to it. He can't hear the doorbell, the phone, the oven timer going off, sirens when in the car, dialogue on TV and normal toned conversation. He says "What?" "What?" over and over. He refuses to get his hearing checked b/c he says that his hearing is fine, the rest of the world mumbles. The ENTIRE rest of the world??? His mother is almost stone deaf, and her hearing aids drive her nuts because they pick up a lot of ambient sounds. He has not had his hearing checked for 25 years, certainly there's some better technology out there!! I have laryngitis today and trying to talk to him has been impossible--I have to write down what I want to say. I'm not totally w/o a voice, and my kids can hear and understand me, but tonight I hit the wall about this stubborn man who refuses to take care of this. He misses EVERYTHING. He's the dude in the theater going "What did they say??" really loudly b/c he misses 90% of the dialogue. Who else has dealt with this?? Some of this is genetic, I know, but not all. I told him all I want for Christmas is hearing aids for him. HE doesn't see that this behavior makes him look 90..and he's only 63!
Found out he was mad at me for not calling the ins co to see if they paid a straight 80% of the cost or 80% of "reasonable and/or customary". I said, "You could have called them. But I will. And by the way, I DON'T CARE what they cost. Stop putting your anger on me dude, if my hearing loss was as bad as yours, I wouldn't spare the cost!"
He's just being him, Letting me know he's still his own boss. Like anything I ever say gets any value anyway (sigh).
I said I'd call the ins co and he should just make an apt to GET the aids. We went out to eat and he kept telling me that the "guy" worked with people MUCH more deaf than he is. I don't know why this is so important to him. I said "Well, let's make you a tshirt that says "I wear hearing aids so my wife will shut up". Honestly, honey, NOBODY CARES how "bad" your hearing is. Just deal with it.
I am glad that all 5 of my kids are backing me on this. They're all sick to death of his "checked out" state.
Right now he's just really angry because he needs hearing aids, and doesn't want to get them, but in his heart, knows he needs them. (all throughout dinner he kept referring to what a great athlete he was in his younger days.) I know this is hard for him, getting older.....he's in terrible shape, diabetic now and depressed. Hoping getting him to HEAR the beautiful sounds around him will lift his spirits some.
I think I will just stop talking to him!!! %&$$$%%^$$#$!!
I did point out to him, yesterday at church, how many of the men were wearing hearing aids. I think he was tad surprised, as most of them, you cannot see the devices at all.
2 grandkids were fighting LOUDLY within 3 feet of him last night. He could not hear them. My daughter blew her stack at him--"Dad, seriously?? How can I trust you to take my kids ANYWHERE if you can't hear them from a few feet away? You can't take them fishing if you don't hear them." (he'd been talking about wanting to take them fishing and how I wasn't allowed along---)
He did mumble an apology (as this fight was becoming physical)...and told daughter that he was getting hearing aids today, to which she replied "GOOD! And about 10 years too late!"
Hopefully the combined efforts and care of all the family will impel him to work at finding and WEARING the right aids. I hope for the best.
I'm hoping that he (as an avid bird watcher) will appreciate being able to hear the calls of the birds when we are out "birding". Plus the sweet voices of the g-kids (when they are not beating each other up :)
The snag is you have to go to a specified audiologist and use only their brand. I can't remember the name and had never heard of them so have not idea of how good they are or how easy to wear.
If they seem to loud or soft it is only a few clicks on the computer and the audiologist can adjust them. When they are too loud you do get a lot of background noise which is quite annoying and makes it more difficult to hear.
Sometimes you can buy a good brand on Ebay and there are even people who can do the adjustments. you do need aproper physical hearing test though. However she audiologists do offer them free.
Shocked beyond all belief. Hubby came home tonight. I popped up and asked him immediately how the apt went. He said "well, my hearing is pretty bad, but not as bad as YOU seem to think" (Whatever, I don't care). His audiologist did NOT push hearing aids, asked him what he thought of wearing them--basically gave him the decision making power and ---he is going back next week for initial fitting of hearing aids for both ears!! I burst into tears. He said "You know I am really only doing this for you, I can still hear pretty well". OK, I don't care WHY he's doing this, but I am so happy. He warned me that they'd be expensive and I told him we didn't need a vacation this year. I just want him to HEAR what he's missing. The dr did say he had some cognitive loss and that was scary to him--just due to not hearing everything he needs to hear.
He liked the dr, which is huge for him. She seemed to know (I had called in advance that he was a bit of a control freak) and she needed to take a delicate approach. It worked.
I am beyond surprised and WAAAAAY beyond happy. Although DH has maintained for 30+years his hearing loss was untreatable, this dr put that to rest. It IS treatable and she said it would change his life.
Just gotta keep him on track and seeing the drs. Now we get to deal with his crushing depression. It's like I have a 6th child.
But it's OK.
I DON'T know what the dr will say, I was expressly exempted from this visit. I HOPE that they give him papers to bring home (he's at the apt right now)...and if I don't get good answers from him I will call the dr and check. Probably he will exclude me from seeing any of his health records, as he has done so in the past...this hearing loss thing has been a real bugaboo for MANY years.
He just called to tell me something unimportant--which I know was a ploy to say "I'm sorry for being such a jerk" as we kind of had a fight last night about this, and I went to bed crying. ALL I am asking is a general hearing checkup--not surgery or anything the least bit invasive. He did say "I think you have your hopes up way too high. This is not that big of a deal. I'm sure they'll find nothing can be done, and you're just going to have to deal. I'm fine if it's not a large group of people talking". (No, he cannot hear ME unless I look him in the face and talk really loudly. Most people don't offer than kind of consideration!) Well, we have 14 grandkids, how do I ask them to look Papa in the face, get his attention and THEN speak very loudly and clearly to him or he doesn't hear you?. That's not going to happen.
All I can do is wait for 7 pm. He said he'd talk to me about it after work.
When I cleaned out the house, bought in 1956, sold in 2016 of mom and dad's STUFF, we found papers from a lawsuit that dad had filed against his employer in 1980, for hearing loss. There was an audiologist report documenting a VERY significant hearing loss, sustained from being on factory floors with very loud machinery (My dad, like your DH, was an engineer).
When I called and made the apt I did already give them the 411. It's not the least bit unusual for wives to call for their hubby's. Unless he puts me on the form as someone who can access his records, I can't DO anything.
Just going to wait and see.
On the flip side, I hear like a 12 yo kid. My g-kids have these apps on their phones that test hearing ranges. Hubby couldn't hear anything, I heard it all. HE didn't believe me, but that's his problem. BTW, deafness runs in his family like water. EVERYONE is deaf.
I guess you trust DH to tell you what was said, IF he can hear what;s being said?
I think I would ask for a written report from the doc.
Best wishes to DH tomorrow.
I smiled when I saw that someone had posted on this "old" question. Ironically, my hubby has reluctantly agreed to see and Audiologist and ENT tomorrow. He's angry at me for setting up the apt and will not allow me to go, even on the promise that I will remain silent and not pipe up with any information.
He says it's pointless and he's only going to get me to shut up. Well, I'm still holding out hope that SOMETHING is going to help him. He's being a total butthead about this and I am in tears everyday over something he's said b/c he cannot hear me. He also doesn't even attempt to try to listen anymore.
I get the "get some help or I'm leaving"...I feel that way a lot.
Pretty sure even IF they find he can be helped, he will not be compliant.
Here comes Christmas again. I want the same thing. Have his hearing checked. I am actually going to proactively book him an apt with an ENT practice at my PCP office. They do thorough checks and hearing tests. If after this he can't be helped, then I will roll with it. I just refuse to give up the belief that technology hasn't come a long ways in 30 years. We'll just see how this rolls out.
I am still sleeping in the spare room. He is in the master bedroom right now with the TV on so loud it can be heard from outside. (sigh)
We could be married to the same guy! I have a LOT of female friends who wear hearing aids of some kind, They say they are MUST HAVES in busy lives with grandkids and for those who are still working. I worry about my hubby--he was pulled over for speeding a few months ago in Canada and the mounty (I need to believe it was Dudley Do Right) finally got him to stop and asked him "Sir do you have any idea how long I have been following you-lights and sirens??" Hubby was clueless. "20 miles, sir. I would not have given you a ticket if you'd STOPPED in the first 5". This is not a first for him.
I think hubby does not want to hear ME. That's a big, part of the factor. And yes. we bicker constantly and I hate it. He only "gets" about 30% of what is going on at any given time. I cannot trust him to do anything I have asked of him, as I am never sure he heard me. The kids won't leave grandkids with him, as they know he'll not hear them. And yet, somehow, this is ALL MY FAULT. Go figure.
He still maintains that everyone mumbles. Oh, and my heavens, does he speak LOUDLY???? It's embarrassing.
He has no friends, just work pals. Many of the men his age in our church do wear hearing aids and if they bring it up (since it is painfully obvious he cannot hear) he tells them he's had his hearing tested and he's fine.
Been dealing with for 36yrs. My husbands hearing loss is from nerve damage. He also has lost hearing completely in one ear and the other is following. You think I have gotten used to it but I haven't. I lose patience because he thinks he hears but doesn't. Lots of bickering because he missed an important word in a sentence. Find a friend who has hearing aids to explain how its changed their lives to be able to hear well.