Hi, I am new at this and not sure where to start. I am taking care of my 52 year old brother-in-law who has alcohol induced dementia. He was diagnosed about a year ago and has been living with my husband and me for about 6 months now. My husband works so I am the primary caregiver. Sometimes it gets very overwhelming. Johnny (my brother-in-law) has 3 grown children of his own but they don't help me with his care. Johnny is in the mid stages of Dementia, he doesnt seem to care about anything anymore. It is very hard sometimes and I don't really have anyone that I can talk to about it. My husband doesnt want to believe that this is happening to his brother so we have a really hard time talking about it.
I guess I just need to know that there are other people out there that know what I am going through.
Thank you for listening to me.
Brenda
Well I hope that things are going alright for everyone else. We have to keep our spirits up. God will help us all through all this. And since I found this site I know that I'm not alone.
bwthrs
bwthrs, hang in there with all of the paperwork! It seems like anything involving the government takes twice as long as you expect. As my mother always tells me , "Patience is a virtue!" Unfortunately, it is a virtue that I often don't possess! You sound a lot more positive today
I am so glad you are feeling better today brwthrs. Yes I agree the paperwork for the government will drive you insane. Just hang in there and something good will come out of it.
Brendalou, how is your mother doing? And most of all how are you doing?
Talk tomorrow....... I also do not hold the virtue of patience either.....
Sometimes siblings or children that won't do hands-on care, will do some of the paperwork, but often you can't even get them to do that. As in this case, if no one will accept the root problem, then they likely don't see the need to help. So it all falls on one person.
Keep in touch and keep talking. That should help some.
Carol
Is everyone else ok? bwthrs- hanging in there? lisalives? Remember, take care of yourselves!
Brenda
I attend a community college and yes it helps to get out of the house and hear normal conversations. I had speech and unfortunely all my speeches container something that was related to me taking care of my mother.
Mom went the other day to see about a electric wheelchair, the therapist stated she is a slam dunk for one. I am glad this will give her more independence inside the house and outside (I hope).
Mindingourelders- The paperwork is unreal that a person must go through to get just a little bit of help. I think that slow alot of people down. They get fed up with it and quit. I know when I worked in the nursing home, the elderly would say just forget it. But I would keep going until they got what they deserved or needed. One company threatened the resident with turning him over to the collection agency. He and his son what are they going to take (the resident was going to be long term). They got so flustrated with the companies wanting money from him and all he was aloud was 20-30 dollars a month. We called I do not know how many times and the company never recorded the calls, but I did and the names. So after several months the company just dropped everything for some reason. They claimed we was lieing when I told them he was in the nursing home for long term. We all got very anger over that, so I ask for a supervisor, and I had to keep moving up the ladder. Finally I got someone that claimed they would leave this gentleman alone. And they did. It was not an easy task by all means. But it did save him some trouble and relief when they stopped hounding him.
Carol
Brendalou
This definitely is an Alzhiemer's cue, and you should get Social Services involved because of your daughter, or at least get the Alzheimer's Association to come over and do an assessment. This is too much for anyone to handle. Please call them.
Carol
Hopeful
Carol
I did talk to the attorney's office yesterday about the social securety and they said that they can do what is called a quick file in cases like Johnny's, so maybe we will get that taken care of soon.
Brenda
What caused Johnnie's problem isn't the issue, anymore. It's making what he has left of life as livable as possible. He's in for some tough times, and with your gentle heart, so are you. The whole family is. Please keep coming back to talk. Hopefully, SS will get on with the paperwork, now that they know his condition.
Blessings,
Carol
I am so sorry. I have to agree with mindingourelders, alcoholism is a disease. I have seen two people in my small town have the disease. They both also had cirrhosis of the liver. It was very difficult to watch them as they suffered. They may have started drinking but then the drinking to over them. They was not able to stop before it destroyed their bodies. It is like any other disease usually it takes over before you even know it. Hang in there girl we are here to listen to you each and every day. Just keep posting and hopefully the SS will arrive soon to help.
I am so sorry. I have to agree with mindingourelders, alcoholism is a disease. I have seen two people in my small town have the disease. They both also had cirrhosis of the liver. It was very difficult to watch them as they suffered. They may have started drinking but then the drinking took over them. They was not able to stop before it destroyed their bodies. It is like any other disease usually it takes over before you even know it. Hang in there girl we are here to listen to you each and every day. Just keep posting and hopefully the SS will arrive soon to help.
Please contact someone to evaluate your loved one. There should be a senior services in your area. Just give them a call and they will do a home visit and evaluate him and his home. They have many sources to help or maybe places you can persuade him to move to. This would help I would think. When did you guys move in? Have you been there long? Please look in the phone book and find a place that helps with senior citizens.
Brendalou
A friend told me years ago that people are usually meanest to those they depend on the most.
Mysticangel
I was told to call a crisis center when my husband threatened suicide which was often or 911 for EMT's or the Police but if the person does not want to go to the hospital they can not be made to go. When things got real bad one day I called the phone no. I was given and it was in a different county and was told to call our county and our crisis center was closed so I call the first one back and they said to call 911 and have them take him to the hospital but an EMT I knew said if he refused to go they would not take him - so I just hoped for the best and the next day I got in touch with our clergy and he came over to talk to him and he was good for a while, now our crisis center in back inoperation-but I knew I had done all I could do and if he were to hurt himself I was not going to feel guilty also I told his M.D. office his threats of suicide and their NURSE Practioner put him on medication--there is only so much a caregiver can do when the person threatens suicide. It has gotten better and he does not talk about it hardly at all anymore but I know I have done everything I can humunly do for him- we took all of the guns out of the house that he use to hunt with when he was younger and he resents me even though I was told by professionals to do this--I have explained so many times to him it was not me that made the descion now when he brings it up to other people I just leave the room.
I hope that I was not one of those who did not understand what you are going through if I was I sincerely apologize, it is so hard to be a caregiver and at times we are so caught up in our own problems that we do not listen as well as we should to others pain and we need to hear that said to us, it is important to keep that in mind, and it's good to be honest on this site. I do hope you are hanging in there.
Carol
Carol
For everyone who is dealing with lack of involvement from family members - I had to be very specific to my sibblings on what I needed them to do to help my mom, because if I did not push the issue they would just assume I was doing everything and went on with their lives.When I needed respite time or had to work or whatever, I would ask them if they could stay with Mom from noon to 4pm on Sat.,for example, so I could do what I needed to do. I asked my Aunt, cousins, nieces , brother and sister. Sometimes they would complain but eventually would help out. Sometimes I would have to get split shift help. My Aunt and cousin would take my mom for a few days to a week once in a while and I cannot tell you how much that helped!! Get the family to commit to a few hours a week, whenever they have time just to get some personal time. Also, my Mom qualified for respite care a few hours a week. I had a caregiver come in to change her sheets and clean her room real good and give her a shower. That was great! Contact her insurance company to see if she has coverage in this area. Contact the Dept of Aging in your county for a list of resources. As Mom's emphysema progressed I put her on Hospice and they offer caregivers, nurse visits, even counselors and social workers come to see her.
Hope that helps!
Gina