Why are some people assuming information, and not reading the entire post ? Those of us who are posting questions need help, not incorrect assumptions and criticism. Is this the new aging care? One person seems to want to argue. I do not need arguments. I need kind but accurate information. Should I find a new site or is this behavior an anomaly ? I appreciate most of the answers. You were informative but kind.
Am I missing another current post?
Edit: Never mind. Found it! Post regarding a bother getting POA...
You have presented a situation in which various family memebers are shown in several different lights, i.e., you seem to tend to see folks as either all good or all bad. In addition, you are not being forthcoming as to how your mom's NH fees are being paid. You say her money is not being used to pay for her care, but certainly her NH bill is a huge hit each month.
Either she is on Medicaid and her money and property is in a trust (which would have been a wise thing for your family to do) or you are simply not aware of the financial arrangements that have been made.
In the past you have characterized your mother as a narcissist. She made your brothers her power of attorney. In this situation, I would step away and let her reap what she has sown.