My father lives with me and I'm a single 28yr old young lady. He has been diagnosed with CKD and dsyautonomia but can still function normal. He asked to live with me a year ago when things weren't going so great with his wife (my step mom) and I asked him for how long and he stated for a little while. But when he got here he makes it seem as though he wants to stay with me for years because he mentioned an old Facebook status I put up about moving to Tennessee and living there and not to mention me using my VA home loan for a house to get with him. I was upset with this because my father and my relationship has been obscured due to him walking out on my mom and siblings when I was 13 and he previously molested me when I was around 10. I forgave him for it over time but he did make an attempt when he moved here. It broke my heart not because of just the act but because here I am trying to help a man that not only didn't take care of me as a child or let alone live with for the past 14yrs but that he tried to take advantage of me even as an adult. And it messes with me from time to time. And the only reason I let him stay is because he has no way of transportation to get to his doctors appointments and he was suffering some depression when he moved here. I mean I do love my father because I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him, but I feel like he's trying to take advantage and be like my grandmother and aunt (his mom and sister) they have been living together for years as long as I can remember being alive. And I just feel like it isn't fair at all. I don't want to live with him until I get married as he suggested. I want to use my VA home loan for my first house with my husband. And if I move to Tennessee I want to go alone. I'm an independent person since I am the oldest and had to learn a lot by myself since it was just my mom around. I love my dad but it eats at me every day this situation because I see him not making any attempt to go out and do other things than be on his computer all day. I am a busy person between my job and musical career on the side. Smh I'm just so over it all.
Get him out of your house!!
I was about that age when my much older brother molested me. A couple years, another brother tried...then my own father! So... I know that terror and confusion. I grew up convinced there must be something wrong with "me". Then, as adults, the oldest brother tried it again... took me years of therapy to even be able to somewhat cope... Then he tried AGAIN several years later!! By that time, I had had years of "practicing my speech" should I ever find myself in that position again. And by that time I had grand daughters I had already warned the parents about this family member. I told brother that..and said if he ever so much as looked at one of them wrong, I would take him to court and hold nothing back. My brother is a big guy! But I got right up in his face! Even though I'm a soft spoken, meek person, I yelled!!! And kicked him out of my house!! ....and shook afterwards. But.. It was incredibly empowering to make that stand. & brother now keeps his distance!! I am now married to a wonderful man (also molested as a child by a neighborhood man). My hubby is the most thoughtful, loving, softhearted, considerate guy!! Bonus? ... His family!! They've shown me what a good loving family is like!! They take care of each other!!! Your father is only looking out for himself.
I have gone through the same feelings of doubt and guilt that play in the mind. But you OWE HIM NOTHING.
Live, love, laugh! I pray for you to find the love of your life.. and that your future husband will have a great DAD .. who will love you like the princess daughter that you are.
Please stay in touch with us.
Go find your life, you deserve it. Find dad appropriate care elsewhere. If he is a veteran contact the VA for help and suggestions.
This man should not be living in your home. You owe him nothing at all. He needs serious, professional mental health care.
I would invite him nicely to leave and start eviction proceedings if he won't.