Hospice was called in for my MIL and when my husbands 2 aunts came to him and said that hospice wanted to talk to him my husband said to me come on let's go. Well we started out the door and his aunt said no she only wants to talk to him. I was devastated because for one I am married to this man and two he didn't stand up for me. I felt kinda bad for feeling upset but my feelings was hurt. Well it ended up with him and his two aunts in the room with hospice. I was so angry at all of them. Was I wrong in being upset? I mean this is something I have to deal with as well as my husband. Her care involves both of us let alone we have kids together that are her grandkids.
Then it could have been an ugly way of the sisters which I have seen with my own loved ones if it was blatant disrespect I am sure he would not have allowed it if he could have seen it.
And of course you love him and his mother as well and you are mourning her demise also. And it could feel like being left out of a group hug. But I can rammble on and on. Just sounds like it was an intense an scary moment for the sibblings and they just reverted to just being sibblings. In any case think positive, or at least try not to see it as an intentional diss.
Different configurations for different purposes doesn't mean that you "don't matter." Consider it like taking pictures. Just because you aren't in every single one of them doesn't mean you aren't a part of the family!
Be the supportive wife that you are, and give him as much time, privately, that they need together, to allow her to get it all out, so that her wishes can be heard.
I'm so sorry you are facing a difficult time here, but if you can be the most supportive that you can be, it will be best for everyone involved. Good luck during this very difficult time.
"A dog's pack is his life force. The pack instinct is his primal instinct. His status in the pack is his self, his identity. The pack is all important to a dog because if anything threatens the pack's harmony, it threatens each individual dog's harmony."
How much different is the human experience?
In times of extreme stress with her health (just a couple over the years) I have been left completely out of the loop. I try not to take it personally. Just support your husband and put your own hurt feelings to the side for now. If she is now actively dying and in hospice, he will need your support emotionally, if not physically (meaning, you may likely not be asked to help care for her.) It's not about you, so don't make it be so. (I know, easily said, but it still hurts.)
Personally, I prefer to hold my breath, as I am holding back tears, holding back my anger, thinking that somehow, this is going to get better-and it does-my perspective gets a little better if there is someone at the other end listening.
You have us now. Talk it over with the caregivers here who have gone through what you are experiencing.
Take care to slowly, express that hurt (which is anger turned inward).
Did your husband share what was said by hospice?
Breathe deeply, take 3 deep breaths, let each breath out slowly. (At least that is how it was described to me, this deep breathing.)
Of course you know this is not about you, that life and death decisions are being addressed by immediate family. However, don't let that give you doubt or guilt for feeling upset and having your own feelings. You will have these feelings, let them out here, safely, as you become supercaregiver by supporting your husband through this difficult time for you both.