Always is when I go away for the weekend with my family...
You can guarantee when I come back he's "been ill". EVERY TIME. So I phoned him - first sentence "I've been ill". Like its my fault because I went away!
STILL not taking all his medication that the GP gave him so I offer ZERO sympathy. Basically, wants me to tell him how he can feel better - "Take the meds the GP has given you Dad, if that fails then go an see you're GP but I'm not a doctor."
His words - "I desperately need you to visit the weekend." "I've got no food in the house" (Brother lives literally 5 mins drive from him - I live 35-40 mins. Brother is probably laying low). Anyway, he knows my car is in the garage so I'm struggling for transport and he knows my wife works weekends so may need our other car. So I tell him I can't promise. Anyone would have thought I'd told him I'd murdered the family next door.
Apparently, I'm "letting him down" and "need to arrange something", and "wife needs to understand". Of course the standby offer of home delivery groceries is not good enough - he doesn't want to spend the £30 minimum - they have to be hand delivered by me!
I've tried setting boundaries, I've said no can do, I've tried ignoring, I've tried just not doing. Give him his due he's relentless in his quest to get me to do what he wants!
Ahhh, yesss, but that's covered by being blocked on the phone and facebook... BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Isn’t blocking a great feature? Now get rid of the robo calls, right?
It seems to me his memory isn't good anymore. Either that or some of his brain's functions aren't working together. He reminds me of a kid trying to lie but not quite understand how the pieces fit together. He also seeks attention and is self-centered just like a kid. Am I right?
Dads memory is fine. Dunno how to explain it. Its strange talking to him - hes impossible to argue with. Totally.
If you say something to him he'll just look blankly. I guess hes got away with it for years. He manages to say or do something then sweep it under the carpet.
Can guarantee if I sat him down and listed what he'd done to me last 3-4 years he'd look at me amazed as if he was totally innocent. Its all in the past, swept under the carpet.
He lies more now to get his way. If he gets caught out he'll very quickly backtrack so it doesnt become an issue. E.g I urgently need groceries, sorry Dad I'm busy but I'll get it delivereed, Oh actually thinking about it I'll manage ok dont worry about it.
Yes he probably will phone for now. Hes got no hassle though. No kids to look after, lives a mile away - he just sends his wife (who doesnt work) up to see Dad so hes got no worries.
So you had to ditch the pepper spray? Hahaha 😂
Oh yeah, islands are a little slice of paradise. I don’t order any booze on any flights but a lot of people do like to down several drinks when flying. I guess I am boring, I order a coke or juice.
I liked Salem, Lexington and Concord. We did stay in Boston too to stay at The Ritz Carlton. My husband wanted too.
I loved Kennebunkport Maine and Stowe Vermont too. It is pretty in New England but even in the fall it was cold! I can’t imagine it in the dead of winter!
I was wearing socks and boots and my feet were still cold!
Do you ski? I never have. My husband has. He extended a business trip in Utah and went. He said he was amazed at how well young children did.
The loggers must be in great shape! I can see how they would have to retire early though. Tough job.
Now THAT would get a blank stare!
No, it is not cold in New England - at least to someone who was born and raised there. Bring on the cold. Say no to summer.
I liked Boston. I wouldn’t want to spend the entire time in Boston though. I liked the whole trip. I did have favorite spots for various reasons.
I went to Salem because my daddy was stationed there in the military and I wanted to see it. It’s a port town like New Orleans. I didn’t go for the witchcraft.
Yes, they have witchcraft in their history but it’s a nice area with more than witchcraft. One of my neighbors grew up in Salem. He loved it.
It’s kind of like New Orleans. We have Voodoo in our area but there are more Christians and a few Synagogues and Buddhist temples in our metro area. I don’t really care what religion someone is or even if they aren’t religious. I guess I feel that is between them and God.
We have a Krishna temple that serves free vegetarian meals to the community. I have never been but I remember some of my friends used to go for the free food when they were young and broke! They said the food and music was good. They didn’t join the faith.
Remember when Krishnas were all over the airports? Well, there residence was near Whole Foods when it was a small store on Esplanade Ave.
Whole Foods moved to a larger building but anyway, the Krishnas would hang out in front of Whole Foods and hand out roses and invite everyone to their vegetarian ‘feast.’
My neighbor forgot to remove scissors from her purse before a flight. Apparently these scissors were sentimental to her. She had them for a long time. They were quality scissors that were expensive. She had to ditch those before her flight. She ran to mail them back home. She hurried up but almost missed her flight because she did not want to part with her scissors!
Son just kept walking. Was nearly tackled down after walking with backpack straight through the checkpoint - oblivious to the many "excuse me Sir". I had some fast talking to do that he had hearing issues... (more just vague teen really).
On return, DH asks where to get the *good coffee*.. & he's sweaty as just carried the heavy bag & wearing his coat. They bomb frisked him for that! First time flying with the kids... ahhh memories 😁
Wow! What an experience. The kids won’t forget that trip!
All I know is she shipped the scissors back to her home, however they do it. Maybe she had someone else do it for her.
Yes, if you don’t like the heat you would not be able to tolerate our heat and humidity.
Yeah, the Hare Krishna followers wore the long gowns and gave out roses hoping for donations.
Im not a doctor but it does sound like a cold to me. Jeez. I just can't cope sometimes. I get he gets anxious but its just getting too much now.
Trying to keep out of this circus once again but hes trying to drag me in.
Pray for me if Dad ever gets any illness even slightly serious (or real would be a start).
Paul, you're so tightly focused on avoiding your father and dodging the bullets that you give virtually no time at all to thinking objectively about what his real needs are, and how far you're prepared to contribute.
If you decide that you'll call him on the third Sunday of each month and that's his lot, you won't hear me arguing. You're not responsible for him. Whatever you feel it's right for you to offer is what you should offer.
But justifying your decision by telling yourself he isn't really ill and doesn't really have any emotional or social needs is not the way to go about it. He is ill: he has chronic disease. He is old, and like everyone else of his age he will have good and not so good days. He has a cold, you think - then is it really so monstrous and controlling to suppose his son might give him a call to see how he's doing?
Stop making him the villain of the piece. He's a sick old man with a clingy, advantage-taking, attention-seeking personality. Be reasonable in both the amount of time you're prepared to give him, and your expectations of how he will behave.
It doesn't MATTER what your brother does. What your brother does is his business. If your father wants to make these meaningless comparisons, let him. They're still meaningless - as long as you don't give them any meaning.
Your father, like any other person, has physical and emotional needs. That does not mean that you are responsible for meeting them.
The fact that you are not responsible for meeting his needs does not mean that the needs are imaginary.
Yes he has needs. I think, over the years, I've done everything I can for him. And more. As I've said before, if it was up to him I'd be divorced by now.
If Dad had a REAL need then I'd be there believe me. Trouble is EVERYTHING is a NEED in his head.
I hear what you're saying about his needs. Its becoming obvious that Dad is not getting these needs met. But realistically, neither can I help. Would he better off in care home - 100%? Will he consider it - 100% NO. What can I do?
I'm not justifying him being not ill. I'm sure he does feel a little ill but I cannot put my life on hold because of it - especially when he TELLS me "you've got to put me first". Not just me - like I said in the past, doctors have sat him down and said "your not seriously ill, you've got a cold, all you need to do is rest up". Whether if he lived in care home he'd have people to reassure him 24/7 maybe?
There are courier services that work independently that ship. She got her beloved scissors home.
I wonder how often that happens that they have items left over in purses or suitcases from road trips but they aren’t allowed on airplanes. I guess the courier services do well handling those matters.
A lot of people are in your situation. Unfortunately, their parents are fiercely independent and won’t consider going into a facility.
It’s sad because they should go for themselves and their families. It’s stubbornness and selfish on their part. How can you force them to go? That’s impossible.
You love your wife. She loves you. You have a strong family bond. He may want to break up your relationship but he doesn’t have a shot at succeeding.
People who have strong bonds like you and your wife are not vulnerable to others attempts of causing real damage. They can be a nuisance but not much more than that.
By the way, your wife is very smart! She stays away of the entire mess. I admire her. I also appreciate that you don’t expect her to be involved in his problems.