Always is when I go away for the weekend with my family...
You can guarantee when I come back he's "been ill". EVERY TIME. So I phoned him - first sentence "I've been ill". Like its my fault because I went away!
STILL not taking all his medication that the GP gave him so I offer ZERO sympathy. Basically, wants me to tell him how he can feel better - "Take the meds the GP has given you Dad, if that fails then go an see you're GP but I'm not a doctor."
His words - "I desperately need you to visit the weekend." "I've got no food in the house" (Brother lives literally 5 mins drive from him - I live 35-40 mins. Brother is probably laying low). Anyway, he knows my car is in the garage so I'm struggling for transport and he knows my wife works weekends so may need our other car. So I tell him I can't promise. Anyone would have thought I'd told him I'd murdered the family next door.
Apparently, I'm "letting him down" and "need to arrange something", and "wife needs to understand". Of course the standby offer of home delivery groceries is not good enough - he doesn't want to spend the £30 minimum - they have to be hand delivered by me!
I've tried setting boundaries, I've said no can do, I've tried ignoring, I've tried just not doing. Give him his due he's relentless in his quest to get me to do what he wants!
These go beyond the brief assessments that get done in a regular docot's office or clinic.
I would also not trust your dad's word as to whether he "passed" something or not. Talk to the assesor. Get the name of the assessment and what it measures.
An assessment like this will tell you a great deal about your father's real cognitive issues. Medicare will pay for it.
If I had to use one word to describe your dad it would be ‘control.’ He is a man who likes to be in charge of things.
Your last posts tell me another side to him though. He depends on you because he may be fearful. He knows that he is losing his grip. He’s making a huge effort to hang on.
He may not be as sure of himself as he wishes to be.
Take care, Paul.
Thanks for clarification.
It's got me wondering about stepping into that 'Fixer' role - either by volunteer or having it forced upon us.
Does it go the same way? Does the Needy One's needs always smother the Fixer in the long run? Or can they keep some individuality?
I think you're story tells me what it would be like if my Dad lived with me.....
I help but hes stubborn so a lot of it he brings on himself. I can only do so much.
I've tried to get him to speak to GP about his anxiety but, his opinion, is that there is no such thing as mental illness and you just need to "pull your socks up".
Alas, he doesnt practice what he preaches....
"British Prime Minister Boris Johnson on Saturday announced a new month-long lockdown for England after being warned that without tough action a resurgent coronavirus outbreak will overwhelm hospitals in weeks."
will likely mean extensions to any existing rules in the other localities...
Good news for Paul?
My city has just released from lockdown. Can leave house whenever I like but some restrictions still around visiting other households - so I am not 🙃
Your wife has a tough year, knee surgery and then skin cancer-good that it's benign. I hope her knee will heal and be as good as new.
As for your dad bugging you about what to do with his bank paperwork, my mom used to the same to me too (when she still had her mind.) I really think it was because she didn't have anything else to keep her occupied, so whatever came in the mail became her focus and she kept nagging me to come and take a look because it "could" be important. It never was.
It's interesting to read the idioms used by English speaking people outside the US. I understand when Margaret said "driving his wife around the bend' because we use "driving someone up the wall" or "driving someone nuts". I understand your dad's statement "pull your socks up" too. Never heard it before, but it sure sounds like "pull yourself up by the bootstraps." Hahaha.
A movie! Fun! Some normalcy. Bet your girls enjoyed it.
Yep! Common attitude for your dad’s generation. You know, our kids don’t feel the way past generations have felt. We are raising them differently. I have a lot of faith in the next generation. I find our youth aren’t intimidated very easily. They have never known a world without technology. They are fearless and will be problem solvers.
I’m a boomer. We will be dying off. (hopefully not soon, LOL) We have to pass the torch into their hands. I know all generations make certain mistakes but I always hope for improvements in every new generation.
Oh yes, overpriced but once in awhile it’s fun to do!
Do you think the movie industry is going to survive? They have been struggling for awhile. The competition with Netflix, HuLu and others, it has been hard for them.
It must have felt strange being there, huh? Everything is so different now.
It is nice to see a movie on the big screen. Of course, nowadays people buy big screen televisions to watch at home.
Wales (and NI I think) have been in lockdown for just over a week. Ends Nov 9th.
So far in wales they've said Nov 9th will go back to normal - so no more regional lockdown after this. Means I'd be free to go see Dad :-(
What will happen - who knows?
Theres been a lot of unrest in wales, the government stopped supermarkets selling clothes, kitchen utensils etc which was crazy. You could but a tin of soup but not a tin opener. There was even one store who stopped shoppers buying womans sanitary products as "non essential".
I guess in USA you'd say something like "put your big boy pants on". Either way its not nice....
Yeh we had limited halloween on out front driveway (not sure what its in usa - front yard). We've got loads of inflatables (mostly brought home from florida!) but we had to cut down this year.
I also see that AC deleted part of my earlier comments about Sweden doing it correctly.
I always though it was a good idea until 8 months ago.
Westminster government is right wing (Conservative - Boris Johnson). Wales government is left wing (Labour - Wales is ALWAYS labour). Wales have healthcare as a devolved power.
So Central government decide one thing, Wales (being other end of political spectrum) do the opposite because they can. Same in Scotland (although ruling party there is SNP - scottish nationalists). ITs all a political game now.
The United Kingdom, 279.95.
Horses for courses.
It is much easier to look efficient and disciplined when you are dealing with smaller, simpler systems.
New Zealand seems to be a place that is getting it right.
Because the slogans have become so much "You wear a mask to protect OTHERS" some people are not understanding that masks also help YOU. Am reposting the mask information so we can know which help US, how they help and how much they help. It is:
https://www.fda.gov/medical-devices/personal-protective-equipment-infection-control/n95-respirators-surgical-masks-and-face-masks
Remember, when you see people in NON-Covid-19 days in medical settings wearing masks, they are often wearing them to protect THEMSELVES AND YOU. So mask up. Hand wash. Social distance.
This is a pandemic. There was little question it would come back, and it would peak again in the autumn and now it is. This virus will go on a long time and there are no good answers about "locking down" and "opening up". Vaccine will be a whole. Likely only 60% will take it. And likely only 60% of THEM will be helped by it. We are going to be living with this, and living with it is very difficult. Not everything has an answer or can be fixed, but we CAN do the best we can do.
Because so many of us love this Elder Forum we are hearing so much about the devastation from both the disease and the isolation for our elders, and those caring for them are up against it as well. Hard times.
You can agree to make yourself a "pod" as I have done with my kids and God help me, my ex and his wife so that we were able to have socially distanced BBQs and birthday parties in a park or a back yard. Thanksgiving will be each one at home and then socially distanced pie outdoors after our meals.
I think if you look at the lessons of the 1918 pandemic (masks, social distancing) and of Ebola (containment, quick contacts tracing at the very start) and you understand the science of air and droplet borne illnesses, the techniques you use are pretty simply if everyone realizes that the restrictions are temporary and for the good of all.
In NYC, we are hanging on my our fingernails but the folks who find the need to go out to indoor bars, outdoor restaurants with shoulder to shoulder crowds and relgious services with no restrictions and the like are starting a new spread.