Always is when I go away for the weekend with my family...
You can guarantee when I come back he's "been ill". EVERY TIME. So I phoned him - first sentence "I've been ill". Like its my fault because I went away!
STILL not taking all his medication that the GP gave him so I offer ZERO sympathy. Basically, wants me to tell him how he can feel better - "Take the meds the GP has given you Dad, if that fails then go an see you're GP but I'm not a doctor."
His words - "I desperately need you to visit the weekend." "I've got no food in the house" (Brother lives literally 5 mins drive from him - I live 35-40 mins. Brother is probably laying low). Anyway, he knows my car is in the garage so I'm struggling for transport and he knows my wife works weekends so may need our other car. So I tell him I can't promise. Anyone would have thought I'd told him I'd murdered the family next door.
Apparently, I'm "letting him down" and "need to arrange something", and "wife needs to understand". Of course the standby offer of home delivery groceries is not good enough - he doesn't want to spend the £30 minimum - they have to be hand delivered by me!
I've tried setting boundaries, I've said no can do, I've tried ignoring, I've tried just not doing. Give him his due he's relentless in his quest to get me to do what he wants!
To get the best responses for your needs, it would be best to start with a post of your own, describing what you do, what you have difficulty with, etc. Our experiences are varied, but as you can see here, you are not alone! Sometimes what works for one or even many doesn't work for others, but you'll get support and suggestions. Paul's "saga" has been going on for a while now, but it seems that we are making some progress!
I am always up for a good cup of coffee if you need a pal to share a cup with.
I am no longer mom’s caregiver, but will never forget the exhaustion! Coffee kept me going many times.
Best wishes to you.
Yeh as others have said I am the moaniest person on the forum lol.
Good people on this forum - who put up with me.
If I could offer one piece of advice. Look after yourself and you're family first....
Its not easy and a lot of us totally get how they suck the life out of you sometimes.... Been there,.
Great advice! You have practiced what you are preaching. I admire that.
You’re entitled to moan periodically. Hahaha 🤣
I love how you support your wife.
You’re a great dad. You have built wonderful memories for your family.
Incidents with your dad have been irritating but you haven’t let it interfere with your family too much.
Be proud of that. I’m sure that your family appreciates that you have placed them first.
Im still going to go see him boxing day but after that I m not supposed to....
MIL is out of hospital today which is good news. Shes with us for xmas but I dont mind. The battle now is getting wifes siblings interested for the future because they've all disappeared again!!!!
So glad that your mother in law is doing better and out of the hospital.
Sorry, I didn’t read through the past posts. Refresh my memory, is your mother in law opposed to living in a nursing home facility?
That may be the best option instead of asking siblings to take her on full time. If they willingly do it, that’s fine. Otherwise, they will stay in hiding.
I just signed up for a free trial of British comedies.
I adore Faulty Towers! I also love Keeping Up Appearances and Are You Being Served? Plus several other shows.
So funny!
Hope I'm wrong!
MIL got out of hospital. If you remember before all this we did have a bit of an issue with her staying a bit much.
Anyway, so we agree to have her today, xmas eve, xmas day, then she'd go to her sons for 2 days then her daugher another 2. She knew this.
Part of the reason - wife works shifts and she was working late shift for 3 days boxing day onwards. So from 1pm it'd be me the adult at home.
She said tonight "Oh I'm only going for an hour then coming back here".
Wife said "no you're staying for a few days then you're off to sisters".
Her - "No I'll come back here".
Wife - "But Im in work, its just paul here and anyway its all arranged"
Her - "That doesnt matter I'll come back here - I'll go home on wednesday or thursday see how I feel".
Absolutely gobsmacked. Not the first time shes done this. Seems to think she gets to pick and choose who and where she stays without being invited!
I can see its all going to kick off. Wife is just as mad as me!
Instead decided to wait for my wife to sort her tablets out - even though the hospital had gone through it all with her.
She also passed an assessment she was fit to go home, to go up stairs etc. Yet today she needed to be helped.
Know someone else like this?
I'm a bit flummoxed about your MIL, as in wow - that's a bit much!
"NO mother. We'd like you here for Xmas eve and Xmas day, the other days we need to have the house to ourselves. Paul has some surprises for me. (wink wink)" Your wife can say this while smiles mischievously.
Theres also a warning on a few things now on TV. Not sure why for some of them. I noticed the film "Aliens" - I cant remember anything in there.
Wifes brother has turned up today. Got to be fair to him.
Told her "right I'm picking you up boxing day, you're welcome to stay with me for 2 nights then (other sister) has offered you to stay for 2 nights".
"Or you can come to mine for dinner and I'll take you home. Up to you?"
Shes now sulking in the corner not speaking to anyone. Battle won - its a start but I fear its going to be a war
I agree with you that she views your house as her second home. She likes your house better but too much of her presence is an intrusion and imposition.
Do her other son and daughter have children that like to spend time with grandma?
She was really nice after even thanked my wife for having her - which is a first. I'm wary though....
I don't understand how she feels the need to be like this to be honest. She is fine for a few days and I've no problem with that ever. Even if its every two weeks to be honest.
BUT the amount of bad feeling shes caused this time, I just think why are you biting the hand that feeds? My wife does everything for her mum and shes risking all by being so selfish....
We'll see how things go now...
I haven’t seen the episode of Faulty Towers with the Germans.
It is a funny series. I like several of the British comedy shows. I watch them on BritBox, part of our cable network.
I was talking with my hairdresser today; he says he is the "enforcer" in his family with regard to his 85 year old mom. Multiple family members had talked to her about getting the Corona virus vaccine, but she said she wouldn't. Randy got on the phone and in 2 minutes, she said yes!
Please remember this next time you're having a problem with MIL.
You’re right in saying to call on BIL if needed. Pull out all the stops! Let BIL call the shots.