Always is when I go away for the weekend with my family...
You can guarantee when I come back he's "been ill". EVERY TIME. So I phoned him - first sentence "I've been ill". Like its my fault because I went away!
STILL not taking all his medication that the GP gave him so I offer ZERO sympathy. Basically, wants me to tell him how he can feel better - "Take the meds the GP has given you Dad, if that fails then go an see you're GP but I'm not a doctor."
His words - "I desperately need you to visit the weekend." "I've got no food in the house" (Brother lives literally 5 mins drive from him - I live 35-40 mins. Brother is probably laying low). Anyway, he knows my car is in the garage so I'm struggling for transport and he knows my wife works weekends so may need our other car. So I tell him I can't promise. Anyone would have thought I'd told him I'd murdered the family next door.
Apparently, I'm "letting him down" and "need to arrange something", and "wife needs to understand". Of course the standby offer of home delivery groceries is not good enough - he doesn't want to spend the £30 minimum - they have to be hand delivered by me!
I've tried setting boundaries, I've said no can do, I've tried ignoring, I've tried just not doing. Give him his due he's relentless in his quest to get me to do what he wants!
So, given that his docs haven't determined him to be in any cognitive decline AND there are no POAs even if he was (again, no clue if that is sufficient there to enforce someone to move), there isn't anything that can be done to make a move happen. I'm sure there is some kind of equivalent to guardianship there, but if it is like here in the US, I seriously doubt he would be considered incompetent at this point.
Agreed it would be nice to at least check various places and know what the places are like, what they charge, what they cover for that fee, etc. They are all very different here. But, the status and costs could change at any time and availability changes all the time too. Not knowing when the major issue that will facilitate a move will happen is a huge gate.
Even if you pick a couple of potential "homes", they may not have space when needed or his condition may be beyond their capability. Mom's health is relatively stable, so she's okay in AL/MC for now. If she had a stroke or some other medical emergency that required SNF, we would have to find another place. If this dad's emergency required SNF, those "homes" visited/checked would not be what was needed. Perhaps the availability of SNFs should be checked as well. We don't know what's in store for any of us, so it is good to be prepared, but when we don't know what or when to prepare for, it is difficult.
I speak from experience. Start looking.
It is quite funny because hes in for it now and will see how it all works.....
In terms of decline Barb - you may be right. My hands are tied though - there is nothing I can do if he refuses to even agree to anything.
"...find a new servant..."
"...Get someone else roped in to do something you can do yourself..."
Sounds like maybe your last "go at him" sparked a little ember... This may be good news... perhaps he will hound this cousin for a while and leave you be, some at least! That is until the cousin figures it out! Don't tell his cousin about this site!!!
Teepa's stages makes sense to me. Starting with subtle changes to judgement & reasoning, the cover ups.
It's hard to distinguish though when someone has always had a ridgid way of thinking or dependant type personality always wanting help. This is my Mum too.
Label or not, to move a hard as diamond ridgid thinker into anything is hard to do!
Paul's boundaries mean he's not responding as dear Dad wants enough for his liking. So he's had to find a new servant (oops, sorry, cousin).
To me, the whole going out with the scooter thing has vibes of anxiety coming off it. He may be getting a bit unsure to go out alone. I can understand that, especially with all the new rules & changes. But he found himself a solution - good for him! Is the cousin about the same age? Be good company too. If he burns him out with demands, well the cousin can decide what to do about that.
Any other cousins in the area? Any in nice little aged homes? Maybe his name will somehow get onto their waitlist...
When this blasted virus is over, get the cousin to shill for you...you're taking HIM to see the places he's considering and dad is coming along to return the scooter favor.
I don't care if dad's GP can't see it (my mom's doc didn't see it either). Your father is displaying the symptoms of cognitive decline. Not just being annoying.
Watch Teepa Snow videos. You will pick up some techniques.
I pointed out that ok his cousins not going to be able to push him home or carry him home though. His answer "yes but he can sort it out if it breaks down".
Amazing bad attitude. Get someone else roped in to do something you can do yourself i.e. make one phone call.
Hes got a scooter I bought for him. He said last night "Im not going to use it anymore I can;t walk home if it breaks down".
I've paid for "recovery". Basically they come out and collect you in the event of a problem.
Next excuse "how would I phone them?". Well you take the mobile phone I bought you out of the box and take it. Or since he only goes to local shops I'm sure someone would call for him.
Next excuse "I wouldnt like to ask someone". Jeez.
Sometimes I think my Dad thinks hes the only old person in the world. What on earth does he think other older people with scooters do? Once again, its always the same, give him a soultion and he just cannot be bothered.
Later in the conversation he moaned hes stuck at home all the time and I had a right go at him. Told him if he can't be bothered to get off his backside when everyone is sorting things out for him then its just tough and I'm not driving 30 mins each way every day when he makes no effort himself.
What it doesn't really say is that I believe most countries have a ban on US travelers - at the least they would require the 2 week isolation... kind of pointless, unless you have many more weeks of vaca available or plenty of money to allow an extended stay!
Then again, so many are out of work, have no income and have used up savings, who can afford to travel???
Crazy thing is the guy who did on call in my place, and this is so funny, lives in scotland (7 hours drive away). So hes not going to come to site anyway!
It was more of what they thought was a penalty for me not doing what they wanted. They wanted me to lie and not tell anyone I'd been away but I owned up.
Thing is I do "on call" as a favour to them. I'm not contracted to do it and I don't get paid. I get 0.1 paid day off for each on call I do. Its not a lot!
So thats 0.2 days off I've lost out on by missing 2 days on call lol. Crazy. I dont care.
Better that these clowns you are dealing with take the time to understand the rules. Obviously they haven't and are leaning in the TOO cautious panic mode. Well, the 2 weeks will pass quickly enough... only ~11 days left.
I also don't get why you can't support them if YOU don't go to their site and your co-worker can go if whatever needs doing can't be done remotely. Do they actually think you could infect them over the "wires"??? THAT (both not allowing co-worker to cover and maybe thinking being on-call can do something) is incredibly stupid.
My client won't even look at the link I sent them regarding being exempt and have flown into a panic. They've even said they're "disappointed" that I couldn't "sort this out amongst ourselves" i.e. lie on the form and not admit I'd been to spain.
Amazingly bad way for a government department to behave.
In reality, the spanish islanders were bemused that the UK are making such a fuss of it all. They have a different approach. Be careful but dont let it ruin you're life. In the UK at the moment, there seems to panic and nastiness all around. (Facemasks in shops in england and people not wearing them have causes lots of trouble it seems).
Of course, coming home no problem. Airport easy, flight on time, no issues. You have to wear a mask on plane but no big deal. Arrived BHX drove home. Zero drama.
Yes client is a nightmare. No point upsetting them....
As I've mentioned before I do "on call". 95% of the stuff we get is fixed remotely (by connecting to work network), only once in a blue moon do I have to go to site.
I've offered to do my turn for free, and do the remote stuff. If it needs site visit I'll call the other guy (and he can claim payment if he likes).
NOPE - can't do on call AT ALL. Crazy.
Well yeah he did.
Mild symptoms: Test day 1 neg. Test day 4 or 5 pos.
57 heath workers sent home to isolate. 3 people infected. 2 of those were in masks. Without masks may have been 57.
This virus is incidious. I take it very seriously.
(I was one of the 57, but neg)
Closely monitor your family for symptoms over the next 14 days & of course get tested if any throat tickle.
No-one wants to be patient zero to a start a cluster!
I would not be visiting Dad for at least 14 days.
Hope things will settle down with the client.
Monitoring through that world of meters, I found it a bit odd that Spain would be 'picked on'... looking at the stats, some uptick in cases, but not deaths... yet. Still, it isn't REALLY bad, and given you weren't on the mainland, does seem a blanket 'ban' or isolation on return shouldn't be called for...
Additionally, here they've reduced the quarantine to 10 days (not that you would need that), not 2 weeks anymore. I would think so long as they implement the safety checks and protection, what's the big deal? They don't want you in, then you do what you can, if anything, from home, and anything else will just wait!
Its fine there its 1000 miles from madrid in the middle of the ocean off the coast of africa. (Lanzarote). There have been zero cases of covid on the island for two months yet the uk government saw fit to quarantine ALL of spain arrivals.
Crazy. I've had a huge argument with my client (who are NOT my employer) who are demanding I dont go into work for two weeks because they don't know the rules. I'm actually exempt (work on critical it infrastructure).
Dad as expected went into a massive OTT frenzy. I phoned him as little as I could but each conversation was basically, "you need to come home NOW" and me "Nope its all fine here".
Massive hassle with the quarantine thing and work now.