Always is when I go away for the weekend with my family...
You can guarantee when I come back he's "been ill". EVERY TIME. So I phoned him - first sentence "I've been ill". Like its my fault because I went away!
STILL not taking all his medication that the GP gave him so I offer ZERO sympathy. Basically, wants me to tell him how he can feel better - "Take the meds the GP has given you Dad, if that fails then go an see you're GP but I'm not a doctor."
His words - "I desperately need you to visit the weekend." "I've got no food in the house" (Brother lives literally 5 mins drive from him - I live 35-40 mins. Brother is probably laying low). Anyway, he knows my car is in the garage so I'm struggling for transport and he knows my wife works weekends so may need our other car. So I tell him I can't promise. Anyone would have thought I'd told him I'd murdered the family next door.
Apparently, I'm "letting him down" and "need to arrange something", and "wife needs to understand". Of course the standby offer of home delivery groceries is not good enough - he doesn't want to spend the £30 minimum - they have to be hand delivered by me!
I've tried setting boundaries, I've said no can do, I've tried ignoring, I've tried just not doing. Give him his due he's relentless in his quest to get me to do what he wants!
Response: The same thing you do when I am not away. (no more, no less, just that.)
"He'll pull serious makeupitis the day before we fly or something to try and get me not to go."
Then he is NOT privvy to plans until you are on the plane, or later.
IF you feel the need to respond (BUT, it's best to just mmmmHmmmm to these):
"its dangerous in the us" - State how many times you have been there, nothing happened. (gee, I've lived here all my life, probably many more years than you have traveled here... haven't encountered anything "dangerous" yet...)
"why not save you're money"
I am saving my money, but WE are entitled to enjoy some of it, otherwise what is the point to earning any?
Secondary response to that last one, if you feel the need:
I don't want to end up like you.... ;-P
Or even better, save that line for my brother dad... HE doesn't save anything, just drinks it all away, and look where that's gotten him.... sputter, sputter..
Say every goodbye to your dad as though it might be the last one; shifting my mindset about that made a huge difference for me.
You would be reinforcing his bad behavior if you show up every time he claims he's ill. Your response might better be "so, what did the doctor say you should do?".
Beatty - Oh Dad keeps every letter he ever gets and files them. Even the "changes to terms and conditions one".
Bear in mind, he looks after himself fine, no needs at all apart from someone to get his groceries. (brother lives a mile away).
Last year he really annoyed me. Got there, phoned him next morning "Not I don't want you to worry, but I've been really ill, I've had to get the doctor out". I could have guessed this would happen. What did he expect me to do from the other side of the Atlantic? Get next flight home because he had a cold....
Didn't work I "worried" for less than a second.
My wife and I have talked about it because IT WILL happen one year. He'll pull serious makeupitis the day before we fly or something to try and get me not to go. Hes good at getting hospital admissions too - done 3/4 fake ones in the past.
We've decided unless I can get independent medical details from someone we will go as planned anyway. Even if there is some modicum of truth in his illness, my family will go and I'll follow on a few days later.
I hope he never does this. To be honest, if he deliberately sabotages my family holiday like this, then that will be the end of our relationship.
Cutlery sorted by pattern. DVDs alphabetical. Spreadsheeted Xmas gifts.
Only wearing one colour.
These are the people in my family I consider normal range... Hahaha
I hope it proves useful, if only because it gives his problem a name.
I get it. My mom is extremely frugal. It’s the, ‘Save for a rainy day.’ mentality, which is admirable but some people go overboard with it.
Some people have a hard time spending money. I remember reading about an ordinary woman who did not have an extremely high paying job. I think she was a librarian.
She died very wealthy because she hardly spent any money. She saved, saved and saved some more. She ended up with millions when she died. She had no heirs. She donated the money to certain charities in her will.
Its OK to be honest, not down market really. BUT, we went away for the weekend one year and had breakfast, dinner there every day for 3 days. Because its cheap.
Dad ALWAYS has the same thing. Ham,Egg and chips (fries). Because its the cheapest thing on the menu and, in his words, its "proper food and you can't go wrong". If I order steak (which is still very cheap for about £8-£9) hes looking at the menu in horror at how much it cost (compared to his £3-£4).
Remember once drivng for 4 hours to watch the cricket. Went straight there. Small ground only place for food was a small hut doing sandwiches. Run by the club with a few old ladies running it. The homemade sandwiches were like a pound. Dad refused "Daylight robbery that is, only cost pennies for bread". Of course in a supermarket a pre-packed sandwich is probably £2-3- nope he was saving his money and that was it. I ate but then had the "more money than sense you have" nag for hours!
My 40th - Prague
Her 40th - New York
My 50th - Edinburgh
Her 50th - Vegas (maybe)
Dunno how she gets the best places!
I live in New Orleans. We get a fair amount of rain. Tornados are not common. Occasionally we do have tornado watches. Yes, we have hurricanes and our worst was hurricane Katrina. Hardly ever get snow! Everything shuts down if we get snow. Hahaha, we like to marvel at it and we aren’t used to driving in it.
My gosh, your dad sounds very set in his ways like many from his generation. Don’t all kids love pizza? Your son has great taste in food. I married an Italian!
My DH's wonderful, but very small town Grandma was taken to a Chinese restaurant for her 80th many years ago. Couldn't eat that 'rabbit food'. The family still laugh about that.
Her small town is now a thriving foodie-vegan-arty town, being not far out of the city, past hipster suburbs. We went last year & just loved the Farmer's markets with organic food & crafts. Had lunch from the Ethiopian food truck. What she would have made of that!
Don't worry you're not alone. He hates europeans too, and asians. Actually, he hates English people too, and people from Cardiff (our capital city). And non-white people, and gay people. Common theme here!
He wont eat food thats not british. Not even pizza. Refused to believe me when I told him pizza was pretty much bread, tomato and cheese. Its foreign so he wont eat it.
I remember when son was younger. We were out with Dad. Fed son pasta bolognese. Dad actually commented "Its not right to feed that to kids. They need proper food". Couldn't stop laughing... Not sure what he thinks italian kids probably eat even more of...
Where do u live?
We very rarely get severe weather in the uk. Few inches of snow and the country grinds to a halt.....
I have been in two hurricanes in florida now though - inc the last serious one....
Oh, okay. Yes, pretty. Some people can carry that look off and it looks great!
It’s bad weather here now. 😞 Tornado watches...
Lavender or deep purple? Oooh, the deep purple streaks are pretty. Lavender can be pretty too but wouldn’t show up as well. I like the bluish purple, not the red purple like Barney! LOL
Now that’s true. Wonder what Paul’s dad would think of Vegas! LOL
I just had a crazy thought. You will laugh out loud when you read it. Can you imagine your dad on a trip to Florida? Or anywhere in the United States? Even if he would have a great time. he most likely wouldn’t admit it.
Not only would I be putting him at risk, the police have been fining people for going outside their local area. Of course, Dad is 25 miles away so not local (for the uk lol!)
Thats him to a tee, doesn't listen to sense, and, not for one minute, is he considering me here (i.e. trouble with the police). Same old same old.
Oh and hes asked me if I've had a refund for my holiday to Florida yet. Umm no because its in august and if its all open we're going. That started him off again. How irresponsible I was to go etc etc.
Why on earth he thinks me as a 52 year old can't make my own decisions without his expert input I'll never know. He is completely clueless anyway. (He hates me going to Florida because hes convinced there are drive by shootings on every corner, and americans are all crooked lol).
Methinks part of this thinking is, wow paul wont be able to go away and leave me alone for 3 weeks now. Always a bright side with Dad !
Gotcha, your secret is safe with me 😊. Go for it!