It's been a hard week....

Chortle! - my niece sent my mother one of those balloons, Paul - it shot out of the box like a rocket and my poor mother nearly crapped herself. Also, being a girly version, this one came complete with stars and glitter and I was hoovering it out of the carpet for months.

But mother being mother said to Niece, on the phone later, "oh thank you darling, what a lovely surprise!"

I do think they should come with a clear warning label.

Oh yes Dad doesnt consider himself "old" unless it suits him...

With Dad his life is all about "don't make a fuss". Its weird. He wants to be the grey man that no-one sees. So wheelchair - everyone can see him and look at him. Its "fuss"

Hes scared stiff that someone would notice hes "different" and come and speak to him.

I remember his 80th birthday VERY WELL which highights it a bit. Son was 11 at the time. We'd booked a nice family meal. Son was excited he'd bought Grampy a "balloon in a box" with "Happy 80th" on it.

So we have the meal. Get Dad to open cards and box. Balloon pops out - he stuffs it back in like lightening all the time eyes darting around seeing if anyone had seen. Brother took the box and he snapped "WHATEVER YOU DO - DO NOT GET THAT OUT HERE AND CAUSE A SCENE!"

Of course, son burst into tears, wife just sat there open-mouthed. The "scene" would probably have just been the waitress coming over and saying "Oh happy birthday". Dad did not care- HE DID NOT WANT A "SCENE".

So I took Dad home, family went home separately. Got in he said "I don't want this stupid thing, put it in the bin". I protested he grabbed it, popped it, and stuffed it in the bin. Never told my wife this.

My wife has never forgotten this and I can't blame her. I can safely say we won't be going out for his 90th. To be honest, my son never bothered with Grampy after this either. Dad doesnt seem to give a monkeys....

paul: Good gosh. I see right through how your dad plays it. I wonder if he thinks a wheelchair would make him look "old?" I know this one lady on government assistance who will NEVER use a bus ~ doesn't even have an auto mind you. I can picture her saying that a wheelchair would make her look old.

Wifes mother is not the sharpest tool in the shed we always joke. BUT shes doing well. Understands its serious and listens to advice from us.... Better than we ever expected her to be.

Dad, on the other hand, seems to not listen to the news, not listen to me, decide his own policies, make decisions to suit himself. It has highlighted to me how difficult he is.

Its not so much hes old and doesn't understand. Its more like he gets an idea in his head, thinks he knows it all, and just won't listen to anyone else.

Yes its getting easier. Its the same conversation every time - same last night.

Pretty sure its hayfever hes got to be honest.
Sounds very much like it. Hardly serious.....

To be honest, he plays dull. Keeps asking me - so what can people drive around etc? Hes seen it on the news so he knows...

Llama - yes Dads illnesses seem to correspond with when hes feeling a little down to be honest. Able to walk around and get to betting shop and hes fine. Stuck in like he is now and hes ill.

You heard of old people who struggle on and make the most of they're final years. Go out and about in wheelchairs, do things when they've got terminal cancer etc.

Dad is the opposite. If he gets one sniffle he won't leave the house. The number of things hes cancelled in the past - I dont bother arranging things now because he just cancels. He thinks hes dying ALL THE TIME.

I've given up with the wheelchair - he wont listen. In the past I've had conversations like this:-
Me: So Dad cricket on sunday?
Dad: Oh no I cant walk to get into the ground.
Me: No worries, I can book a parking space inside, and we'll take you're wheelchair. Sorted.
Dad: Oh there'll be nowhere to sit with the wheelchair.
Me: Umm yes I can safely say there will be - its the law. They have to provide disabled facilities.
Dad: No they don't. They won't want someone in the way with a wheelchair. Its too difficult with all this messing around.

(Bear in mind this is a stadium where the cricket is - holds 12000 people, yet the games we go to see you're lucky if there are 2000 there. Its NOT busy)

paul: Good gosh. How can he be unwell at EVERY phone call? Simple odds/math deem it that he would be well at least some percentage of the time, right? Since he likes to go to the betting parlor often, you'd think he would have to "fess up" to being well SOME of the time.

Barb,

Great question. I have been totally shocked by reactions of others. I suppose that I shouldn’t be shocked by anything anymore.

I have to say though, some people have left me with my jaw dropping and scratching my head.

We have seen it all, haven’t we? I am not talking about only older people that are or may be dealing with cognitive issues. That’s understandable if they don’t understand. My godmother who had Alzheimer’s had no idea what was going on when they evacuated her nursing home for Hurricane Katrina. She said it was sweet of the home to take them on a road trip.

It just seems like there are a variety of people that have bizarre ideas on what this pandemic is and how we should handle it.

We have a Pentecostal pastor in Baton Rouge, Louisiana that thinks he can ‘pray’ it away at his church and while there people should donate their entire stimulus check to the church! Oh, he also thinks he can heal HIV and cancer. Talk about delusional thinking and a huge ego!

These situations bring out the best and worst in people.

Paul, kind of a random question. I wonder what your dad's response would be to "tell me dad, what is your understanding of this current pandemic?". Asked neutrally. Just wonder how much of this he is taking in.

That last exchange went REALLY well!!! Good job! No mention of wife, kids, blame laid on virus/government, duty relegated to his other son, local to him, GREAT JOB!

Some of his responses seemed to be more contrite than usual... maybe, just maybe, a little progress? Regardless, keep the shields up #1!

margaret - Sounds nice. I've got two friends who emigrated to Perth. They both love it.

Not sure I'd like the big spiders lol.

I explain to foreigners that Adelaide is ‘in the middle at the bottom’. Population of SA 1.7m, Adelaide 1.3m. Adelaide sprawls because of our heritage of quarter acre blocks and detached single story houses. It’s ‘the driest state in the driest continent’. It’s largely empty desert north of Pt Augusta, which is 3 hours’ drive north of Adelaide. One road goes to WA across the Nullabor, one road goes to the NT due north from Pt Augusta, one road goes east to NSW through Broken Hill (whose pub was immortalised in ‘Priscilla Queen of the Desert’), and just a few more cross the border to Victoria. Easy to police!

I spent 6 years in London in my 20s, including working on the Earl of Cawdors’ estate (what happened to MacBeth and ‘Thane’?) in Carmarthen, selling off cottages when it became a long term tenant’s right to acquire the freehold. I also went down one Easter to have a look around, so I know what your part of the world was like, at least 50 years ago. I also had rellies in East London, and around Manchester, Cornwall, Bedford and Norfolk. It does make me realise that the challenges of social isolation on a big scale do vary a lot, depending on where you are. If Gwent is in trouble, stick to your guns!

"He'll be spitting feathers."

Send him a shipment of tar to go with them....

Beatty - yeh exactly. I put him on the spot...

So Dad you've not got any food?
- I'm a bit short
So can't brother get it?
- I don't like to ask him all the time.
Well, he lives a mile away and I live a lot further, and I'm working and and hes not.
- <Silence> but you haven't been up for weeks.
No and its difficult for everyone. I cant come in and speak to you anway so its pointless. Also, I can't justify if the police pull me over.
- <Silence> OK don't bother then.....

So, as usual, no real reason, just wants what he wants with no consideration given to the situation or anyone else.

Not heard from brother for months. Good. Can guarantee he will see it exactly like Dad. I havent been for weeks, hes doing it all. He'll be spitting feathers.

Paul, you just didn't do as HE wanted. So he'll be peeved (& of course ill). Holding firm! Fist pump yeah! ✊

BUT hes not happy with me at the moment..... He did count those days as expected. Wanted me to visit yesterday.

Told him no. I said brother has plenty of time since hes not working. I cant go in his house so its pointless. Also there have been police roadblocks and I wouldnt be able to justify a long journey like this.

I dunno what he watches on TV but seems to think the rules are otherwise. Not bothered what he thinks I'm no visiting.

margaret - sounds like aus is handling it well....

SA is Adelaide etc isnt it? How densely is it populated there.....

Where I live, OK its not a huge city but its a populated area if you know what I mean. UK I guess is "smaller" and more dense I guess. OK this is based on Florida - a few communities then miles of swamp.....

Gwent where I am has had the highest rate outside London. Rumour is its been very badly managed by local hospital. Wifes friend confirm this - they had NO PPE, and were placing infected patients in all the wards. Nurses were told "dont complain get on with it if you want to keep your job". Scandalous to be honest.

NeedHelp - Yeh I know exactly how he operates these days.

I noticed last 6-7 phone calls EXACT same start. "Hi Dad - hows things?"
"Oh I've not been well".

EVERY CALL. He makes sure he starts off on the right tone lol.

Wife is doing well. Healing OK. Kids are OK albeit bored. Can't complain.

I'm still working too which is good.

I’m not sure that Paul is into this, but perhaps we are all interested in how all this virus stuff varies across the world. Mainland Australia is about the same area as mainland USA (ie excluding Alaska and Hawaii), but has 9 state/territories instead of 49, as well as a much smaller population (27m instead of 300m). We currently have blocks on going interstate, but there are often few transport routes between them (rivers and deserts help to limit the routes). Some states are doing much better than others (including SA, where I live), and some areas within each state are doing much better than the bigger cities (Sydney and Melbourne). Our national transmission rate is now .83 per sufferer (Yeah! Less than 1!), and in SA we have had no new cases for 3 days. All our SA cases stem from international visitors, interstate visitors, or the airline baggage handlers. I guess that the US would have many more problems in isolating between states than we have, because there must be so many more borders, but I can certainly understand that some US states would be more ready for slackening off the restrictions than others.

Our OZ issues at the moment include worrying about whether Oz and New Zealand will have to go into mutual isolation from the rest of the world – not what anyone wants, even though we are glad at doing so well at control. There is a lot of interest in the local economy being more self sufficient, so that each country doesn’t all in a heap if the global supply chain falls over. But the last thing anyone wants is to distract from the problem into political point scoring between or within countries.

Best wishes to all of us, doing the best we can in very very difficult circumstances. Perhaps Paul can tell us how it's going around his way.

Sorry - my comments were NOT NOT NOT meant to be political. I didn't really get into detail, but I was really referring to some of the ultra conservatives (I don't get into politics much, other than to say some/many politicians I wouldn't give you $0.02 for) AND BIG businesses. Obviously there are businesses that are considered essential and have to stay open, even if it means order online and pick up outside (grocery, pharmacy, etc.) My daughter is dispatch and MUST go to work. My son is, like Paul and others, working from home. His wife had to keep working until the state shut down that place.

I was referring to some of the idiots out there, those who dismiss this as nothing, those who are crying because they are losing money, and includes stupid people like pastors who insist on holding regular worships who then die and probably infected a large number of people. Idiots come in all shapes and sizes.

Again, I am referring to those ultra rich jerks who are ONLY considering their bottom line. Sure, it would be great to get back to some semblance of normal, but these people are ONLY concerned about the economy, NOT the people, their frame of mind, their needs, only themselves and their bottom line. It has to be done right or you will end up with more sick/dying and then where's your economy (question for these big-wigs clamoring to get the unwashed masses back on the front line, potentially in harm's way, regardless of how it might play out.)? Reading about how the various sports magnates want to get back out there... how do you control/keep distance at entrance, concession lines, bathrooms, exits? These clowns are ONLY worried about the $$$$ being lost. Would sports enthusiasts like it back? Sure, but at what cost?

There are several who say WE (anyone over 50) should sacrifice and die so our children, grandchildren, etc (read ECONOMY) can go on. WTF? Anyone remember the movie Logan's Run? This has been repeated by politicians, a few TV people, others. As noted, idiots come in all flavors.

So, I wasn't intending ANYTHING political, just pointing out some IDIOTS (doesn't matter which way they lean) who are NOT thinking about the general well-being of us, just what THEY are losing.

BTW, I for one would WELCOME some return to some semblance of normal. I was pretty much in this isolated state for going on TWO years now - unable to do much, including getting out, or move forward getting my house repairs finished. It was delayed initially to deal with mom, then became a financial issue. So, I was VERY MUCH looking forward to this spring as the financial situation was going to be somewhat relieved - literally March 9 and April 5 funds were freed up... And now, this... So I am still stuck here, can't really go out, can't get work done, have been unable to purchase TP in over a month (needed to buy just when the shelves went bare), trying to get my regular auto-ship cat supplies has been a nightmare (feeding/needs for 1-2, could get by, but I have more than 2!!!), potentially cracked my ribs and REFUSE to go anywhere near doc or hospital, so Yeah, I'm all for being done with this, but we can't just throw caution to the wind and jump back in the pool. however refreshing it might be. I worry who will care for my cats if I get exposed/very sick. I don't want these "poor" rich people to determine my fate.

Paul,

You are doing all that you can. Take comfort in knowing that. You have warned your dad of the dangers. It’s up to him how he reacts. He is responsible for his behavior.

You are being a good husband and father by placing them first in your life. Please don’t allow him to make you feel guilty. He may throw out the bait. That seems to be his style but that doesn’t mean that you have to take it.

You know his patterns better than anyone else. Trust your instincts.

Take care, Paul. How is your wife doing? I hope her recovery is going as well as it can. How are the children?

I miss my children. I do speak to them on the phone. Looking forward to when we can share time together. We are fortunate that my husband has a job that is considered ‘essential.’ He is continuing to work at home and following regulations from our governor.

Ha ha noooooo politics :-)
Yes I am a business owner of sorts who, luckily, is still working....

Now theres an idea with Dad about the 14 days. Ha ha he'll be cured tomorrow and not say another word!

One thing I realise is that, if it turns out to be hayfever. OK. Its not nice. I've had it myself in the past and teenage son has it bad.

BUT you're not dying as Dad seems to think. Its him - unless he is 100% fit and healthy he moans about it. I can usually tell within 5 secs of a phone call whether hes really ill or just playing up. OK not really a medical approach and neither am I a doctor but I've seen it so many time.

I give up too - if he wants to go out, up to him. I'm sure hes only said this so I phone him 10 times a day begging him not to do it. I just said "thats a really bad idea dont do it" and left it at that. If he does go and catch it and there are consequences, then thats the way it it. I can hardly go there and lock him in his house.

Oh boy, are we talking politics again?

Disgusted, not every business owner has more money then they know what to do with. You realize that Paul owns his own business, right?

I don't personally believe that it is any group that specifically wants things to open up, go back to normal, I think it is everyone. People are going stir crazy, running out of money and scared stupid, what better way to feel like things are better then acting like things are actually better.

Putting labels and assigning blame only leads to false beliefs and more problems.

disgustedtoo- please do NOT drag in politics. I strongly disagree with your comments about conservatives, but I won't go into it here as it's not the place to do it.

"Can I imagine my Dad doing that?" Me either!

""I've had enough, I dont care if I die, I'm going out tomorrow"." - well, go out then... not that I wish him ill, but it was HIS statement that he doesn't care if he dies. From accounts I have read, it isn't the dying that sucks, it is the process on the way - not the same as dying in your bed from some other issue. But, this is what he wants, he gets... No way that Paul, docs, or any of us are going to make him stop!

"what time are you coming?" Sometime.... (leave it at that. no time, day, month or year!!!)

On trying not to be annoyed - it is hard not to be, but keep in mind he is NOT the only selfish person alive, although you are the one who gets the brunt of his selfishness and foolishness. There are many here who demand we reopen the economy (mostly conservatives, business owners, etc - people who are losing money either because businesses are closed or stock market or both, but too bad so sad... these people have WAY more money than they can ever use, they should put up or shut up. They want the economy opened, then spend some of that ridiculous wealth and find a cure, preventative, ways to protect everyone, etc. What they are not thinking about is if you throw everyone back in the pool and this gets worse, you will have NO economy because all us little peons you rely on to do your bidding will be dead. No one to work, no one to buy your crap.

I like lkdrymom's suggestion, although this is one of those statements that will either fly over or through his head, no train station for it to stop at inside... Worth a try though, you never know until you try!!!

Maybe point out to him that since he has “ been ill” you have to wait two weeks until you can visit. Every time he says that the two week clock starts over.

Yes that 99 yr old man is amazing. What a hero...
Can I imagine my Dad doing that? No way in a million years...

Last nights call "I've been so ill". AGAIN. And then "I've had enough, I dont care if I die, I'm going out tomorrow".

He also remembers that its 3 weeks now since wife came out of hospital. Rather than argue last time I told him I wasn't allowed out because I'd been in a hospital. He must have marked this on his calendar or something. He knows the 3 weeks is up TODAY.

So guess what "so you can come up to see me now - what time are you coming?". I'm NOT. I am NOT been responsible for him getting it by visiting.

Guy in work. His mother same age as Dad. Got it somehow. Hospital Thursday Dead Saturday. Told Dad this - in one ear and out the other. I'm sure he thinks hes immune.

Honestly. I;m trying not to be annoyed. I can't change it. BUT I find it just so damn selfish to say something like this. I've got enough, my own family etc to worry about without this.

I phone him, I've made sure his house his ok, I've made sure hes got food. I can do no more.

paul: You're VERY welcome! And you're VERY classy! ◇◇

Disgustedtoo,

Yes, I saw the 99 year old. That guy is amazing! He is adorable walking around with his walker raising funds. That brought a smile to my face.

"I dread to think how much its cost the nhs now in GPs time, pharmacists time, admin etc. A LOT more than £1...."
Dad: Ahhh, see, the doc says I'm ill!!!

Yup, and so did you Paul, but simply allergies as you said, but he can get the tablets free this way.... Clearly he doesn't listen to Dr Paul (or his NHS docs), so why does he call you (or them)!!!??? Oh, free meds so he can say he is ill. Right...

NOW he needs to make a Thank You card for Captain Tom Moore!!! A birthday card for him would be nice too. His (Captain Moore's) efforts help to offset that petty waste of NHS dollars.

For those who don't know who this person is, look him up, he's all over the news and social media. He is a 99 yo British (Yorkshire) WWII vet who admires the NHS and was well treated by them, so he wanted to give back. As part of his rehab for a broken hip (remember, this man is 99, and will be 100 on April 30, 2020!!!) he decided to turn his walk around the back garden 100 times before he turns 100 into a fund raiser for the NHS, with a goal of 1k pounds (a little over $1200 US.) Nice challenge and goal for a spry 99 yo... However...

As of Friday morning, that total is now OVER 23 MILLION pounds! Given his age, his upbeat spirit, his humility, his tenacity and his generosity, he has unwittingly become a national hero in the UK - some are petitioning for knighthood!!! A little 8 yo has started a social media grass roots to have kids from all over send him birthday cards for his 100 year celebration!

(Perhaps cut a few of these articles out of the papers and mail them to your dad...hint hint dad... not that it will change anything, but you can be sure this will bother him, even if he doesn't voice it... Revenge? Nah, just pay back...)