It's New Year's Eve and I'm off to the emergency room with mom. Leg infection has taken a swift turn for the worse.

@ freqflyer
No one has voiced concern about mom living at home versus a facility. We have all been in agreement on mom living at home for as long as she wants or is able.

I don't mind the lions share of the work, I live here and it's mutually beneficial. No problem there.

Just hear my cries for help which don't happen often, and help with what I need to accomplish ( and not something else that makes no difference). If we work together, it would get done, be done, and everyone can return to their lives. It takes me 10 times longer with some things if I'm on my own. A spare set of hands goes a long way.

They talk a good game but don't back it up. Again, it's priorities.

Gotta go do the mom thing now. I can feel her need attention vibe....
Cheers.

Update:
We spent 6 hours in emerg last night. The head nurse was great, she felt bad that the wait was going to be long for us and put us in a room early so mom could lie down and maybe nap. I used the time to give her a manicure which was fun.
It turns out it is not (yet) an infection but stasis dermatitis. Venous insufficiency and edema are causing these awful blisters with redness and swelling. Legs leak water and are crusted with pus. It's better then worse then better then worse. Arrgh. Good news is there is no fever, no pain, and blood count is normal. Doc said we are doin the right thing. Adjusted meds.

My frustration is also with the conflicting info given between regular doctor and emerge doctor. One prescribed anti biotic's said not to bandage. The other said antI biotic not needed and keep bandaged...
It wastes time I do not have to spend.

I sent a group message via messenger so I can keep everyone in the loop with one message. We can have group discussion whatever. ..works best as 2 sisters live out of town, 1 actually is in a foreign country. Messenger indicates when your message has been viewes so I know they saw it. My niece who is in the group responded and she too was shocked and appalled by the lack of response. She posted a couple of nice comments and was emotionally supportive. Getting the hint, a couple of messages filtered through.
Useless #1, I mean sis #1, phoned but to mom's line. Checking on what's what I guess (I didn't speak with her). But not a word to me. No moral or emotional support. No words of kindness or appreciation. How hard is that?
Its a little thing and sometimes that's all you need to keep going. Not too much to ask for.
I still want to hit her with a shovel.

I live with mom and don't pay rent ( money wise anyway). The day to day stuff is time consuming but manageable. A family friend lives upstairs and he is my angel. He helps so much with anything mom needs and is here all day until I get home from work. Mom is generally happy, appreciative, and doing well (in between episodes like this). Once a week, she goes to the senior centre, which she loves. I make efforts to do special things for holidays, or bake surprises, morning bouquets when the garden is on bloom etc so life isn't one gray after another. She's rather spoiled, but if it jeeps her attitude upbeat and kind that's fine with me. Looking after mom is not a hardship in itself. We get along very well and she respects me.

Most of my inner turmoil is with siblings. I do not ask for much (I think). Sometimes there's a project that needs doing so I can continue looking after mom easily. It's in their own benefit to help out so they can return to their daily lives and not have to worry. A little concentrated effort here and there. I got the rest. But we are not a priority, we only get the leftovers, which is not enough.

Another thing is not getting a holiday...ever. I haven't had a day off from mom in 3 years!
Where's my vacation? Everyone is too busy to come stay while I take a break. But unless I take an actual vacation somewhere else....forget it. What if I want to have a responsibility free staycation? There's just no respect to my time and my personal life (what personal life)...
The lack of simple kind words, appreciation, understanding, empathy, support, is fueling the fire now. This has all been building for a couple years now and it feels as though the match has been lit. I'm at an emotional loss. One sister I considered my best friend too but right now I dont/can't look at her the same way. So another loss for me.

I'm beginning to get all heated up again so I must change focus. I want to tell you all that your kind words and support really helped. Truly. And to know someone else gets it, what it's really like from where I stand, is priceless.

Thank you.
Happy New Year.
Wishing blessings to all.

Mojorox, hope your Mom is doing better.

I believe there are times when siblings feel that a parent should be in a skilled nursing facility, therefore the siblings are setting boundaries so not to keep enabling Mom to continue to stay home.

Is it fair to the sibling who is doing all the work, of course not, but if one steps back to see the whole picture, the caregiver sibling might then understand. Your profile says your Mom is 88 years old with general age decline.

My Dad was in his 90's when he finally choose to move to Independent Living as he was dealing with general age decline, mainly falls. It was an excellent choice by Dad. Dad loved being around people from his own generation, so much to talk about with them :) Dad said he wished he would have moved years prior.

Hope mom gets better soon---I get the text messaging to uninterested sibs also---mine don't answer within a reasonable length of time, ever. It's just frustrating and I think, very thoughtless. You're not alone in this.

M, so how is your mom?

Yes, as cdnreader said, you're not alone. We get it, and we're here for you.

Dear Mojorox,

I hear you my friend. I sometimes think you and I were separated at birth. I too had the same frustrations with my siblings during my dad's illness. I felt so alone. Please know we are all here for you. Thinking of you. You are doing the best you can. I know its not easy but hang in there.

Is there a possibility they hadn't received the message yet? Unless my cell phone's hooked up to the cell data many times the messages won't download at all, and I get them days later! It's New Year's Eve, could they be away from their cell phones?

Best wishes to your mother and yourself. I hope all ends up well with your sisters too.

It is beyond galling when siblings just don't care. I found I reported less to my brother since he obviously didn't really care what was happening with mom. Just do the best you can and know that you can deal with them when your mom is gone. I'm still figuring out what (if any) relationship I want to have with my brother now that my mom has passed away.

You have my sympathies. I know the feeling. Let us know how the ER visit goes.

I’m so sorry you’re having to cope with family disinterest on top of caring for your mom. It’s beyond frustrating to have it all on you and have siblings self absorbed and uncaring. Unfortunately we can’t change or fix them, just have to focus on mom’s care and try to put the rest out of mind. You’re right that you can’t unsend the message, but you also don’t have to keep sending more. No use trying to interest those who’ve proven uninterested. I hope things with your mom get better quickly and she gets the care she needs.