I’ve posted a few times here. However the latest is this...
had mom in nursing home exactly 27 days. The lack of communication and just NOT knowing during Covid were the worst. A small residential care home opened and we thankfully put her there where I could visit 3 times a week, and be part of her care.
The last month she started sleeping a LOT more. Eating one meal a day.
Very frail. Very weak (now 79 pounds).
hospice recommended a hospital bed. At this same time the people who were staffing the residential home got Covid.
we were going to Bring mom home anyway for Thanksgiving and Christmas so my husband recommended just having hospice bring hospital bed to our home.
This was the week before Thanksgiving. The residential care home will not continue (it was something they were trying and have decided to make it an air b&b).
I am truly just taking this day by day. I start a new job in Feb.
Mom sleeps 80-90% of the day. Even a good part of the night. Eats a small meal about once a day and still drinks a good amount. Stares/gazes most times if she is awake..
AND...the most crazy part to me is how she still manages to walk to the bathroom when she has to go. But she is SO weak.
Has fallen twice doing this. Yes...we had a bed alarm but wow those things are junk..
go off all the time at slightest movement.
I do have paperwork coming for a truly highly recommended nursing home with a large waiting list. More to ease my mind that I have a plan.
But honestly I thought we were bringing her home and she would pass soon.
This may sound cold, but take a look at my previous postings for some background. The woman is a shell of herself. ESRD and has been destroyed since the day my dad died.
Why am I posting? Not really sure but maybe just to give an update and hear some words of encouragement from those that have been there.
I am such a mix of emotions. I worry what this is doing to my 14 year old who overall seems ok...But she asked me today if I was stressed out.
I’ll join the ranks of those blaming Covid for some of this. If I could have seen her in her nursing home, I wouldn’t have taken her out. I was destroyed with worry and guilt
having Her in there. I am also a bit sad the residential home won’t be around, however I kind of saw that coming.
That’s it for now. I just feel at a loss. Kind of trapped. Kind of sad. Kind of mad at who knows what.
over and out. Thank you peeps for reading
:-)
My mom is in probably the final stages of dementia and my dad also has dementia. They are 85 and 88. Recently, my sister who is bipolar and the most manic she’s ever been, somehow convinced my dad that I had been taking some money from him. I have managed all of his financial affairs since 2015 as well as all their medical care and groceries. He has gotten himself into one catastrophy after another that I have had to extricate him from. I have done this to neglect of my own needs. I am so hurt and angry that my father could believe such a ridiculous thing. I decided I have to walk away and if they need help they will have to hire an accountant and caretakers to fill the gap.
It is too toxic and too stressful for me to continue to be involved this way while being accused of stealing. I am going to consult an elder law attorney to try to protect my parents assets from my sister so they can be used for their extensive care needs. I would have never expected things to turn out this way and I feel like I’m living in the twilight zone.
Caregiving in the home, is very hard and stressful, but it can also be very rewarding, so cut yourself some slack, and just try and enjoy whatever time you have left with your mom. You will look back after she's gone and be grateful that you had this time together. And please make sure you are taking time for yourself, doing something fun and that you enjoy. That will help you continue on in your caregiving journey with mom. Best wishes.
Yes, they are frail and as you say, oh so thin. My mom is tiny and getting thinner. She barely eats.
My mom is 95 and she says herself, “I can’t believe that I am 95. I don’t know why God hasn’t taken me to be with your father.”
I fully understand why she feels this way. Their best days have been long behind them.
It is hard for grandchildren to know that their grandparents won’t be around much longer.
It’s most difficult when they are in poor health and lingering.
My dad suffered before his death for quite a while. My mom is suffering too.
My grandpa suffered as well. My grandmother was fortunate. She simply dropped dead. Why can’t death be that easy for everyone? Who knows what anyone’s fate will be?
I sincerely hope that your mom does not suffer for too much longer. I know she is exhausted, just like my mom is. They are tired and ready to leave this world.
Wishing you peace during this difficult time.
Many, many hugs for you.
If you need to place your mom, call around and see who allows some kinds of visits. Also, most nursing homes DO allow in person visits when the resident is under hospice care. My mom's place does too.
So sorry you're going thru all of this. Remember that death isn't the end, just the beginning of the next phase of her eternal journey. Wishing her peace is nothing to feel guilty for. I prayed for my dad to pass sooner rather than later when he was at the end of his journey, and right after he passed, I asked him for a sign that he crossed over peacefully. Right then, a large butterfly flew onto my car windshield and stayed there for the next mile or two!
I had my mom at home when she passed on hospice. I know what you're going through; the waiting and the watching; the worry about your mom; worrying about what this process is doing to your family, especially your kids; realizing that death is imminent, and at this point a mercy; then feeling guilty about those feelings.
If it helps, you're not alone.
I am going to tell you the same thing my mom told me. It was one of the last coherent things she said. She said I did a wonderful job taking care of her. She said "you don't have anything to feel guilty about."
So my friend. You are doing a wonderful job. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Peace to you and mom in the journey.