This is my first post to any support group. My mother has lived with my husband and me for the past year since my dad died. It has been stressful for me and I am now having health problems of my own-some of them exacerbated by stress. My mother is very emotionally needy. I am quite concerned about my medical conditions and don't have the energy to constantly reassure her that I am fine (even though I am not). She constantly asks me about symptoms, how I am feeling, etc. when all I want to do is forget about it for a few minutes. I sometimes feel that she is less concerned about my well being and more concerned about what it means for her if I can't care for her. My siblings lives several states away so my husband and provide for her day to day needs. If she wasn't living with us, she wouldn't know as much about my health but since she's in the same house, it's hard to keep her from knowing more than I'd like (for instance, when I've been hospitalized). Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed. My husband is wonderful but I know this is all so hard on him too. Anyway, I feel a little better having written this out. I admire all who are providing care to others. Thanks for letting me vent.
My husband is wonderful about only telling her what we have agreed but she tries to trick him into saying more. For example, she will tell him that I said something that I never said in order to get his reaction. She does the same with me and it drives me batty. Thank goodness my husband and I have such open communication with each other.
This year has been areal learning experience. I never knew that having her here would be so hard. I know she has lost a lot with my dad dying and her moving out of state so I try to be understanding but right now, I'm sick and just feel so tired. Once again, thanks for letting me whine. Best to all of you.
He may unintentionally be the leak. Be gentle when you tell him.
He can talk to someone else, but I understand about the privacy needs.
But if I did mention that I was under a lot of stress because it's a lot of work being employed and also running my parents all over creation because they stopped driving, that went in one ear and out the other. They needed their wheels. It didn't matter that I got major panic attacks while driving, there was a sale on green beans at the grocery store. Like your Mom, was more concerned what would they do if I was out of commission.
One time I had broken my shoulder, I thought for sure that would have been a wake-up call for my parents that they would need to do for themselves, or move to Independent Living where the community bus would drive them. Nope. Even when I was bed bound for two weeks which was required by the doctor to help heal the break, Dad would call asking if I could drive him for a haircut :P