You have been through the pain of caregiving a loved one and they have passed. So as not to relive the recent pain of caregiving those last days, THIS THREAD IS FOR YOU. To express yourself; be supported by others who have lost their parent, spouse, friend, loved one. A caregiver's grieving and recovering post. If ever you just want to sign in without saying something, put three xxx or three ..., then click post, someone will know you were here, on your special thread, it's yours to say whatever you want. You can even honor your Mom's memory by posting about her.
Mom was always there for us. She cared for my niece, she helped me out both financially and emotionally when I went through a divorce. She was always there for me, always cared. She was my best friend.
Fifteen years later she married my father's ex partner and she became a different person. He was a horrible horrible man: misogynist, selfish, domineering, jealous of my father and arrogant. She was married to him for ten years and during that time she was like his pet, his dog, his servant, and he did all her thinking and controlled where she went, what she ate. He never let her be alone with me or my sister. We were glad when he passed away because Mom had developed anxiety attacks and he scared her telling her she was having a heart attack and shoved nitro in her mouth. She would never have lived more than a few years had he been around.
But, when he was gone, she still was lonely. We finally talked her into moving to independent living where she resided for 8 years. She was never a happy person, always shy and bored with herself. When dementia got too bad we moved her to assisted living.
She was independent, stubborn, strong and healthy. She was blessed with a loving heart, devotion to family and almost perfect health, never sick, never took any medication except antidepressants.
She refused to use a walker and finally fell badly enough that she was no longer able to walk and ended up in a nursing home.
She spent the last 5 months of her life there, confused and struggling to get out of bed or wheel chair, refusing to give up. They called her the energizer bunny, Finally a fall that fractured her pelvis put her on her final journey. By then her dementia left her confused and deafness even with hearing aids made communication impossible. We wrote notes on a white board. To watch her fail was the most painful thing I have even experienced. She was a shell, not my mom any more, just a very very old lady who was mentally suffering. We were relieved when she passed. She had always said she didn't want to ever be in a nursing home, she was fiercely independent and strong and proud. So when God called her, it was a life well lived but time to go and be with my Dad and for us to get on with our lives and try to remember the person she really was.
I wish you were putting in your Mother's curls tonight too Lucky. :(
Two days before she died I prayed with her. She was so miserable and her breathing was a struggle even on while on a ventilator. She was terrified of death, even as a Christian, so I talked about Phil 4 and anxiousness. I said God your child is anxious and scared but you are here with her guarding her heart and mind in Christ Jesus, please relax her and reassure her of the great life that awaits her. I told her everything would be okay and don't worry, you're in the best of hands of the one who can give you an abundant life eternally. She smiled and I kissed her forehead. I thought well done mom, you good and faithful servant. Go live in that awesome mansion and have a great time!
And today, my sibs and in-laws are all sending around emails with photos and memories of mom, Also got notes from cousins. I thank God for my Mom and for all of the caring relations who (3 years later) are still remembering.
I am still involved with MIL, but I wish all of us involved in these journies peace and appreciation for walking the final journey with those who are so special to us.
(unless you change it).
It usually said of war but is equally true for abuse - Lest we ever forget. So talk on people and remember the past talk about it then let it go into wherever it needs to be - the golden album for constant review or the gutter to join the rest of the filth there xxxx
Maybe this is not such a good idea, afterall. I can hear the opposing views revving up their engines. That's okay too, just don't hate me.
I hope you do bring up Mom and Dad, often,,Gershun, breaking the silence.
If they can't handle it they can bugger off.
You bring all of your loving memories of your Mom right here to this thread, we all would Love to hear the stories of your time with her, and her amazing life! Don't listen to that garbage they are spewing, you know that you did the right thing! Your Dear Mom was at the end of her life, mad more comfortable by YOU! Never forget that! Eventually the pain does lessen, though it will take time. I'm sorry for your loss! You hang in there! HUGS!!!
Here is a caregiver's love note to you, and everyone who put themselves out there, way out, to care for Mom.
We love you!
You have heard of the 5 stages of grief. Well, your family's stage will lie in the anger/denial stages for a long, long time.
The big lie takes a kernal of what looks like truth and twists it until the lie fits their conclusions. While it was too much to take on-somebody had to assist Mom and get her away from the neglect. You were there, Wisteach, it was hard, it became harder, but you were there! No one can realistically condemn you for that-so don't doubt yourself. Don't go there. Sorry you lost your Mom.
Crying is really helpful and is an expected part of grief so do let the tears flow. Send is right. This is your life, your script and you alone can write the future, don't let what is past define you. now is the time to say Mum I loved you and I know you knew that and now I am going to live my life in a way that will make you proud of me.
there are times in our lives when we just have to amputate those who hurt us or who try to hurt us...better to live with one leg than to be infected by keeping the bad one! xxx Stay strong xxx
So sorry.
So fast forward to Christmas Eve of last year. I was talking to my niece about Mom and she was telling me that she always felt that Grandma, my mom had a special connection to God. I agreed with her and I had just got through saying to my niece that "oh I'm sure mom's spirit is right here with us. Then I looked at the t.v. and on my sister's play list there was the song "You've got a Friend"
I just know that was a message from Mom. You know how you just know when it is. I just know.