Can someone please explain to me the purpose of a Message vs. a Private Message? I know that I and the other person are the only ones to see a PM. But, who sees a Message that is not Private? What is the point of it? Is it everyone on a particular post? There's no way to respond to it.
Also, I had to pick a topic in order to post my question. I chose Relationships ;-) Maybe the forum can use an FAQ page? Or an additional topic of Website Use Question?
This thread prompted me to look through my PMs. It was really touching to remember how many AC users have been supportive, and for years now. Also, remembering different users who are no longer active on the site but who once were regulars, and whose situations I know and have shared about with them. And different threads that were active but have been closed.
The good from the feature -- which for me is as a "memory treasure box" for AC -- far outweighs any bad, I think. Any PM "nasty grams" should be reported, IMO. There is constructive dialogue and then there's lashing out, and like Glad said, users here are often in stressful situations and sometimes take it out on anonymous others. And some people are just aholes, too. :-)
Unfortunately, when living with so much stress it is easy to get argumentative and confrontational with others.
IMHO no one on this forum should ever start a cat fight in an OP's thread, yet it happens a lot -- sadly. They should PM each other if they have a bone to pick with another commenter.
If she wanted to bawl me out in private, then that's one thing. But she wanted to do that in public, where she was more protected.
I think most of us have gotten nasty messages at some point, IMO they hurt just as much no matter how/where they are posted. I personally try to avoid conflict as much as possible so I tend to steer clear of people and threads that seem to be going that way.
BTW, you can adjust your settings to not accept any messages. (hit the privacy tab in your settings)
As I said, my disagreement is in having messages that anyone can see as opposed to PMs. Since anyone can see, that opens the messages to "likes" but there is no way to respond except on the attacker's own profile. So someone who starts a fight, uses misogynistic profanity, will not be called out as they SHOULD be when they put that crap in, defacto, public.
It's not on me to put in my profile that any such abusiveness directed to a person in public is itself abusive. I would rather they come out with it in public, in the forum, so that I can shut them on down without resorting to their cheap use of slurs meaning to demean one's sex.
I would rather someone private message me than start harassing me on someone's thread and me responding. Thats not what this forum is about. Usually people that harass like u discribed are Trolls anyway.
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But I would advise you don't throw them out before they have been reported so you still have proof you are being harassed.
Yeah no.
We should be allowed to report or block people right then. I never want to hear from this person again in this cheap trick she took. If I'm going to have fights in public, then let them be public.
The messaging thing is messed up with this "message versus private message" option. If it's just a message, let it be aired in the public square versus some rando pestering me.
I immediately think of Igloo.
I go to Igloos page in order to give her a heads up that her help is needed. Once I get on her page, I see that Barb has already left her a message re same.
No need for me to leave the same message. Igloo already has it.
If Barb had made it a private message, I wouldn’t have known that Igloo had already been notified.
Through a PM you can also exchange information like your email address, Facebook page, etc, that are not permitted in the open forums.
In the days before the "reply" feature people sometimes messaged directly in order to not derail the OP's thread.
Some people choose to direct message those they feel have given them a sympathetic ear rather than reply on their thread that hasn't (or to berate those they disagree with). I personally won't usually reply to such messages, I'd rather keep things on up front the forum.