Recently I was talking to my mom and I asked her if she knew who I really am. She had a confused look, but after a few seconds she said (like she was asking), "You're my daughter...right?" I smiled and said yes. Then she said, "That's right you are. You're mom's oldest daughter!" She was confident in that, but the thing is I'm the youngest of 2 children and the only daughter, she was referring to her mother. So she thinks I am both her daughter and her sibling.
I'm not offended because even in her confusion I still feel her love for me. She knows she raised me because she told my husband after I left the room one day, "She's my girl! I raised her!" Something he said she was proud of. Still she remembers our childhood together, which of course is a confabulation. As her memories go, her mind works hard to make sense of why she feels the way she feels about me so I'm often included in her fondest of memories even when I wasn't really there. Her mind associates me with the good things.
I know before long she'll forget who I am completely, I just hope and pray she can still feel the love I have for her and she has for me.
I expect her to go there if she lives several more years. She is 88, but her mother lived to 94, and didn't know her for a few years before she died. I sympathize with you.
In time I learned to be "wherever she was" regardless of who she thought I was. As the years passed it became easier...not easy, just easier... to deal with and I often had the sense she knew she was confused: toward the end, whenever I visited she would thank me for "all I'd done" for her. After two years, she died peacefully and content. I like to think I contributed to that by putting the focus on what she needed.
It used to bother me, and still does at times, but what is really important is that he feels loved and cared for.
A name is just a label we put on ourselves. Who we are is what we give to others!
About a month ago i called to speak to her. Hi mom it's Joan. "who" Joan. No response. I calmy and in detail tried to explain who I am. Finally an "oh". I made light of the situation so she would not be uspet, the way she looked at me I know she really she did not know I am her daughter. I came home that day and crumbled. My mom, my best friend was gone, it felt. Nothing would ever be the same. So now, she forgets my name but acts as if she recognizes the love we share and the bond. in the end that is all I need for both of us. I just want her to feel (she cannot remember) how loved she is.
Cruel disease that robs you of your loved ones while they are still living .
Then i took her to the bathroom a couple days later and i sat her back on the bed so she could get dressed, a few minutes later she said 'I'm ready', and she had taken her pants off again and didn't realize that i had already taken her to the bathroom, she thought she ws supposed to be getting undressed instead of dressed.
I know that i will have a lot to learn to understand, so everything that i read here helps.
I also am aware that everyone is different. Right now, i thank God that the disease is leaving my Mom the nice peaceful person that she always was, rather than an angry person. I know that this can also change. Lets just pray that we both get thru it with God's help.
I take it all one day at a time, and try not to worry about what 'might' happen, only i do like to know how others cope.
Thank You All